A
male
age
30-35,
*ekoJay
writes:How do I deal with an EXTREMELY insecure girlfriend?I am going to flat out say this, she is crazy. When I call her back to ask what is wrong, she pushes me away until we fight. But when I do not call back about something she then thinks "oh he does not care anymore." I made a silly joke about her butt and she quickly responded "So it is not good enough for you." I know these things that we fight about are so dumb, yet it happens all the time. We have been going out for about 11 months now, and I wanted that part about her to change since month 3. At the same time I really do love her and there are other great things about her. But should I end things before it gets really bad? I tell her everyday I love her but there is always that one thing to f**king fight about. AGHHH
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This must be really frustrating for you! But I have to admit, I do feel sorry for your girlfriend. She sounds very insecure. She actually reminds me of how I was when I was younger! I was very insecure too, and highly unreasonable at times. But underneath that annoying behaviour, I was scared, vulnerable, desperate for reassurance, yet unable to believe it when I received it.
I think she is very sensitive, and you might have to be careful about what comments you make to her. It must be difficult though, especially if you mean something as a joke and she takes it the wrong way. But she obviously takes comments quite seriously. Have you sat down with her and told her how all of this is making YOU feel? It must be exhausting for you, and not nice if somebody refuses to trust your feelings for them.
Right now, she is focusing on how she is feeling. Those negative, insecure feelings are all she can see. She is probably oblivious to how you are feeling in all this. If you tell her how it is affecting you, I think it will help her see how the relationship is a two-way thing, and remind her that you have feelings too. If it doesn't help, then if you feel that things are getting out of hand, walk away. She obviously has some real trust issues, as I did, and while you care about her, you can't help her unless she is willing to help herself too.
I do hope that talking to her about this helps though, if you decide to do that. Good luck, I hope it all works out well. x
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Women would go ballistic if you criticize their bodies or complains about their work.
You should know these are very sensitive issues to them and you should handle with extreme care . Females are very fragile. You should not joke or make fun on any parts of her body.
It tears down their confidence and self esteem and makes them feel more insecure.
You should praise more and compliment her more to built up her confidence and self esteem.
She is seeking validation of her opinions and self but you are doing the opposite thing.
Her extreme insecurity maybe caused by your attitude.You need to check yourself first.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 February 2010):
I have to say this would make me scared. All women tend to have a few insecurities, just as a few men do too. But this is serious. She needs to open up to you and tell you why she's so insecure. Chances are she has been really hurt before and is scared of being hurt again. But this has to stop. You need to talk with her and ask her why she feels this way so often. And if she doesn't open up and this continues, you will need to end it.
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A
female
reader, hmcm +, writes (22 February 2010):
does she know shes being unreasonable ? and i so have you asked her why she feels this way, woman need the feel as if there your all, but if she has rel insecurities about herself then she needs help to overcome them, the fighting seeemed to be as if shes testing how much you relly love her she obviously feels threatened buy your confidence , or do you blow hot and cold my partner when i met him thot hed won the lottery with me know he acts as if i should feel extremeny lucky to have him which has dented my confidence , before i was really confident now im not so there could be alot of reasons for her behaviour, but i know that unless the two of you address if shel push you away unintentionaly
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