A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My mom is having a problem with my boyfriend. We've been together for two years, and for the first couple of months of dating I was too afraid to introduce them because my mom doesn't really approve of me dating outside my race. Any who they met a long time ago, and get along great. I thought she liked him, he even bought her a present for Christmas. She let him stay at our house, when his electricity and water got shut off at his house after his roommate didn't pay his half of the bills(this is a big deal because my mom has always been very strict and religious)The reason I think she thinks he's not good enough is because 1) he is white, and she doesn't like white people. 2) my family is full of scholars. Just about everyone has graduated college. His family is the opposite. So he really does not like school. My mom thinks you cannot be successful without a degree and she thinks he has no ambition.He is not perfect, but has always been kind and respectful to her and myself at her house. But she is constantly talking down about him and saying nasty racist things. She also tries to get me involved with an ex i dated when I was 17! She has tried to limit our visitation to only the weekends, and tries to blame my grades on him, when I make all As! She is controlling and overbearing and still treats me like I'm 14, checking to see if I've done my homework. (I'm a senior in college for Christ sake)Our relationship started off kind of rocky, but we have managed to maintain a solid connection for the past two years. I'm 21 and he is 23. We always fight over how judgmental she is, not only to him, but to me as well. Then she tries to brush it over with a half-ass apology or completely ignores the situation all together. She is driving me crazy. What can I do to get away from her negativity??
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 My mother is exactly the same and i have straight just told her to her face that if she is not happy with what happens in my life and who i am with, and decides to lecture me on it then she will push me away from her. You do what YOU want to do. Never let anyone make your mind up for you. You know what is best for you and what makes you happy and at the end of the day that is what matters. She has lived the life she wanted to and now you have your opportunity to.You are old enough not to be told what to do and when you are allowed to see people.I suggest if she gets overbearing just tell her that you cannot cope with the negativity she says and that you are going to stay at a friends house overnight to destress as that can cause grades to go down themselves!I really hope you get through this and realise that you are older now and not a child and that you must stand up for what you believe in cause if you let it slack then it will never get better. I wish you all the best as i am in the same situation and even the lack if racial slurs in the house are an improvement to the home atmosphere.
A
male
reader, chris27 +, writes (4 July 2011):
Hello,
Obviously this is a touchy situation. You really love this guy and you really love your mom. However, you need to take control of this situation since you are already 21 years old. If you want to be treated like an adult (since you say your mother treats you like you're 14) sit your mother down and have a talk with her. Tell her whatever it is you're feeling. It will show your mother that you deserve to be treated like an adult and your boyfriend deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what background he comes from.
I hope this helps!
-Chris
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