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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I'm feeling so awful right now, my bf of a year has ended our relationship. I love him so much and want him back desperately. I have 2 children from a previous relationship who he had taken on, got on with and they had taken to him. He has his own house and often invited me and the children to stay with him, me mostly as the children would be at their dad's every weekend. We had a fantastic relationship, had a lot in common and I cannot believe it has come to such an abrupt end. I had noticed that he had been a little quiet over the last couple of weeks, but put it down to a heavy work load which he has been having.Then on Friday night he said to me that we were at a point in our relationship where we should be thinking about living together. He has decided that as much as he loves me he cannot be a surrogate dad to my children. He says he has tried but cant see them at his house 24/7.I am so gutted, why couldn't he have talked to me properly about it?? He did all the thinking and made the decisions with out discussing anything with me.I have never asked him about moving in with him. I have my own place and was happy with how things were for the moment. I didnt want to rush in to anything.Whe we got together we discussed the problem of his long working hours and that sometimes it took him away over night, not all that often, but his long shifts saw to it that sometimes we would only see each other once a week, I accepted that because I loved him and it was part of him. My children are part of me so why can't he accept them? They are good kids, they dont misbehave not in a naughty way, but they are only 7 and 9.I asked if there was another reason, he assures me there isn't and that there is no one else as that was my next question. But I dont really believe that.I think I just needed to vent I think, any advice would be great, sorry it's so long. I'm just hurting so much at the moment and dont know what to do with myself. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2005): hi, how ironic!!! i am going through almost exactly what you are and i'm feeling really blank right now! i am so sorry you are feeling this way, i completely understand. i got the news last night and my world is upside down. i thought we were it and was so happy to finally find a man who loved me for me. obviously i got it wrong again. i think the best thing for both of us to do is to be strong and face life no matter what, we have children to think about and strength is required. i hope you find your strength as i hope for myself, take care of you, warm thoughts, a friend
A
male
reader, butterfingers +, writes (6 July 2005):
Ask him if he has considered letting the relationship go on as it always has been, then if a few months...or years... go by and he still feels the same way, then children aren't right for him and you may have to let him go.If he doesn't agree to that, then there may be another motive to his sudden decision. Good luck! ~butter~
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Oh sweet soul, my heart goes out to you.It sounds like your ex did A LOT of soul searching before he made the decision to end your relationship, and he knew it would hurt you (I'm sure he's hurting too) but he did what he thought was right...and he was honest with you.Children are God's special blessing in our life, and a mother's heart aches when she feels her children have been rejected by the man she loves.Perhaps, in time, your ex will contact you & strike up a compromise...or you can suggest it to him.Keep the same arrangement as before...live in different residences & see each other when it's comfortable to do so.Sometimes, a partner just needs more time to adjust to the notion of having children around on a full time basis.Other times, it's just not workable, but if this fellow really loves you, he will miss the dickens out of you, and decide he can't live without you & your sweet chickadees.4 years ago I ended a relationship with a single father because he had 3 children full time...I just couldn't handle it...I raised my daughter & she turned 21 & left home. I enjoy my independance & freedom, so my personal choice is not to get involved with single fathers.If your ex does not return to you, please be encouraged there are other men out there who would LOVE to have children in their lives...they're out there...I promise !All the best,God Bless & heal your wounded heart, sweet lady.
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