A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I've been in a very tumultuous relationship for the past year and a half. We love each other very much but we fight quite often on lots of different things. One of them is the fact that I have trouble accepting his drug addict past. He disclosed it from the beginning and told me he had been clean for years, and clean from heroin for 7 years. I'm fine with it because he's a great guy and this was long ago but every now and then when he talks about things he did while on drugs, it makes me a little uncomfortable. Anyways, for some reason, I was surfing the net and googled his nickname and found a post signed with his nickname on a substance abuse forum. The posts were written under a different name but one of them was signed with his nic at the end. On the user profile, the age and state matched his. And the questions were about the use of suboxone which is a medication used to treat opiate addiction. In the post, he says that he's been off heroin for one year, and the post was from 2010. I don't know what to do now because I think it's him. And even though his questions were about his symptoms during the treatment, if it's truly him, that means that 3-4 years ago he was still doing heroin and so he lied to me about being off for 7 years. I don't know if I should confront him or not. That could be the end of us because I can't stand lies and I'm not sure I can deal with the fact he was still on heroin up until 2009. On the ore side, he's been great for the year and a half I've been with him with no signs of drug issues at all. Am I overreacting on this? Should I confront him? There is a remote chance, that it's not him and I wouldn't want him to get upset over it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2012):
 I would NOT CONFRONT him. That sounds so angry and so inciting.
you could mention it to him.
To be honest, if he's clean since 2009 that's still three years...nearly 4... that's a good start. Folks have to start somewhere.
You googled him. You don't trust him. So when you mention to him that you found this you can add that it's because you don't trust him and were snooping around about his past.
If it's tumultuous, and you fight about his past drug use (something he cannot change) then maybe it's best if you end it now.
IF you choose NOT to end it now you have to accept his past is his past and it's made him the person he is today. Without that past drug use he would be a different man than he is now and possible not one you would want to be with...
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (17 December 2012):
Is it possible he lied to you about how long he had been clean because he knows how much you abhor his "drug addict past?"
The truth is this: if you do not get along, if you are always arguing, and you cannot accept that he was once addicted to drugs, it would probably be better for both of you to take a break or completely break up.
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