A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So its been almost 2 years that my bf and I have been together. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple, but what separates us from any ordinary couple is that we learn to work with what we've learned from our past arguments, however, a few months back, *warning this might be lame to some readers*I was on my friend's facebook account and decided to go on my bf's account just to see what mutual friends they have, and I found out that I couldn't see that my bf was "in a relationship with me" so I got worried... I then logged onto another friend's account and saw the same. I logged back into my account, and found that he was "in a relationship with me" and that was so weird...curiousity hit me so I logged onto his facebook account and looked at his privacy settings..he set it in a way that only "I" could see this.. disappointing..Take this in.. I have never done anything that I've known that would make him any bit ashamed of me.. I confronted him and he said he didn't know that it was like this so okay.. I let it slide, then today, I just realized that he only put "my best friend and I" on that "who can see your relationship" privacy setting. WHAT DO I DO? I'm so hurt by this.. and I don't know if it's his pride taking over or what because he goes clubbing every other/2nd weekend and I trust that he's not cheating on me, but this is driving me nuts. and every time his "wall" is enabled, I would write something sweet and once he sees it, he disables his wall.. SPARE SOME GOOD REASSURING ADVICE, PLEASE.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (2 March 2011):
Well, maybe since the two of you are involved in the relationship and your best friend knows about it, he wanted the three of you to be able to share it. Some people are private like that. My profile says I am in a relationship, but only he, I and some close family members can see who the relationship is with. If people know in real life anyway, well, that's fine. The problem with facebook is that, depending on the privacy settings, people who you don't know could have access to your profile too, so it is fair enough to restrict information as far as I can see. I know other people who do the same thing.Anyway, as per my advice, what did he tell you when you asked him about it? As I said before, all we can do on here is speculate. Only he can answer your questions. I would ask you what the bigger picture is here, ie. what is you relationship like in real life? Facebook isn't real life, however, it can sometimes reflect what's going on in the real world. Do you ever meet his friends, etc? Do you know his family?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyea, but battista, even if he didn't like to expose his relationship, why not just make it private to everyone, instead of only allowing myself and my friend to be the only ones who sees it?
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A
male
reader, Mark_25_ +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I know that some people don't like having their relationship status and other details being shown, but I personally would want people to see I'm in a relationship, it reassures you as a girl that your with someone that wants to be with you, and displaying it shows that I'm proud to be with the girl. Despite this, battista has a point that it could just be his preference to not want to share his life with everyone. (How private is he with other things on facebook?!). I understand where your coming from, in the same situation I would think that my girlfriend is ashamed of me - espeically if I asked about it and the privacy settings effectively stayed the same. When it comes to him not letting you write on his wall again I'm with Battista. It comes across that he doesn't want anyone to know your in a relationship together, which is obviously hurtful for you, which again I can understand. My advice is pretty much the same, you have to ask him why he doesn't want people to see your relationship, and make him understand how you feel about the situation. If he realises it's upsetting you he might have a different outlook.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (1 March 2011):
I personally do not like my relationship details being all over facebook and also have my settings so that only a few people can see them. Most of my facebook contacts cannot see these details. They are know in real life, but for the sake of privacy or whatever you like to call it, I don't have it written up there for everyone to see. This also goes for things like my birthday, workplace and probably some other stuff. So as far as your bf's relationship status is concerned on FB I wouldn't worry.
What I DO find more concerning, however, is that if you write something sweet on there he disables the wall. Does this mean you cannot write on his wall at all? This says to me more that he is not wanting your relationship to be so public, however, without asking him about it we cannot know. You are both adults so the best advice I can give is to just ask him why he does it, especially if you are not happy about it.
I'm afraid that all we can do is speculate and give you our opinions. You've been together for 2 years so I don't see why you haven't spoken about this with him. My advice: communicate.
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