A
female
age
30-35,
*ostrongtobreak
writes:Here we go again...I just got out of a two year relationship, with 1 year olds father, he was very mean, and treated me like i was his property instead of a person, he doesnt treat me like a women, and i finally have had enough!! So as of two weeks ago, im single..EXCEPT!!...i've had a HUGE crush on one of his friends, idk if i would call them best friends, but they are friends, and ive been crazy about him, and how he treats people, and his shinny personality..hes everything that ive been looking for in a man, someone i would want around my son and i, he doesnt call me names, he doesnt yell or raise his voice, and he doesnt treat me like anything less of a women.So recently him and i have been spending ALOT of time together, weather it be hanging out, spending the night, partying, or watching tv while cuddling..hes made me feel something i forgot i was capable of feeling. HES NO REBOUND!!hes perfect...we kiss, hold hands, hold eachother, he holds me, he sneaks up behind me and hugs me and kisses my forehead, next, cheek, and lips..hes just too amazing for words. Hes EVERYTHING ive ever wanted in a man..so i guess what im saying is that i REALLY want to take our relationship to the next level. Ive been done and over my babys daddy for a long time now, i only stayed with him cus i thought it was the right thing to do for my son, but the right thing for him, is doing the right thing for myself too... so its not like im "jumping" into anything.but hes a musician, and hes got a free spirit way about him, which sounds perfect, but i think thats what stopping him.. I told him that he deserves someone who supports him, someone who loves him in everything he does, someone who can put him to bed after a hard night, someone who makes him smile without invitation, someone who kisses his nose just to see him smile, someone who lives every waking moment trying to figure out how to make him smile next, and i want to be the person, ive been that person these past couple weeks.I told him that i really wanna be more than "friends" with him. i ask him, "well, what do you call us now?"he says "why do you have to label everything?" i didnt really know what to say..other than smile and look away from him.His roommate calls me his "lady", but he wont call me that. Last night i stayed at his house and his roommate was there, and he says "your guna have to fight me for your boyfriend lol", I smiled and look at "him" and said "You hear that? He called you my boyfriend". "He" said "Yeah well, hes confused.." But yet "He" didnt/doesnt correct him.."he" told me that he wants to be able to lock himself into a room for days and just work on music or his art, and i told him "Go for it, you'll always have me waiting out here". He smiled but didnt say anything..i want to be his girlfriend, im falling head over heels for this kid, he gives me butterflies and makes me feel nervous every second im around him, but it feels so good, sometimes i feel like grabbing him and screaming that i love him, and that im always here, im not goin anywhere..but i understand that he just moved into a new home with one of his friends, and hes looking for a job, and if he doesnt find one, he was thinkin about leaving state for good...so i just bite my tongue, and say nothing but smile, i let my eyes do the talking, yet he seems so blind to it..hes so beautiful, everything he does, the way he moves, the way he speaks everything about him.. he knows that i have feelings for him, strong feelings, and i know he has strong feelings for me to.. idk if hes scared, but i also have no idea what hes scared of..i want him to jump and take chances... Im not sure what to do... advice please???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 You've gotten out of an abusive RS and anything that doesn't offer pain is going to feel very very good and refreshing like the rain. Only thing is, you may be feeling so relieved by this new feeling that you are thinking this guy is your knight in shining armor. Which is cool, because that's what happens when girls who get treated nicely feel. Only thing different is girls who are not used to that carefree feeling tend to over state it and love it up like a chocolate sundae.
Gobbling it up and wanting more and more.
What you need to do is get that feeling from other men and from yourself. You need to have other RS's that are non threatening. This guy is great keep him, but also meet up with other great guys and people in general. You need to feel safe in your environment and your RS's.
This is a stepping stone, create more of this in your life.
But don't put all your apples in one basket with this one guy. He's could be afraid of commitment, fatherhood, money issues, his youth, his future... etc.
Realize that that safe happy feeling was also created by you. Keep creating that with yourself, your son and other people. Build all the comfort and happiness around you with many people..
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 No darling, I am afraid you only see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear.
He DID correct his friend. Saying " yeah he is confused " is a diplomatic way to say " no, I am NOT your boyfriend ".
He mentioned expressely that he needs lots of space and privacy to work at his music, when you suggest you would not interfere with that he said nothing- obviously he is not convinced about that, he just did not want to discuss it with you.
I think it makes a lot of sense, this guy may even have to leave for good pretty soon, until he has straightened up his business and made his decisions , what would be the point for him to get involved in a relationship.
Or, simply, this guy may like you and be attracted to you- but not to the point of giving up for you his precious freedom and choose you as his steady mate.
He is not " scared " - he may be simply be still weighing pros and cons, or, having weighted, decided he's fine the way it is.
You can wait it out, if you wish, and give him some more time to warm up to you, and see how it all plays out , including his relocation to another state. But if you just pop up with a love declaration , I am afraid you' be jumping the gun and accomplish nothing.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I guess there is nothing really that you can do here. You cannot force him in to wanting a relationship with you. You say he is perfect but I guess he is not so perfect or he would be all yours. I think what his problem is, is that he doesnt want commitment. You say he might be leaving the states if he doesnt find work, I guess he just doesnt know his next step in life and that is why he doesnt want a serious relationship at the moment. It doesnt sound like he is using you and it does sound like he cares about you, but I guess he is only young and doesnt want to settle down at the moment.
I guess the only thing you can do is keep showing him how much you care. However dont go to overboard with it and drive him away. Just keep being there for him and enjoy it while you can. Hopefully he may come around someday.
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