A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All.Please can I have some thoughts on the following!! thanks.I am in a FWB situation, and the sex is great. It makes me feel relaxed, happy and good. I am very highly sexed, and this guy is giving me exactly what I need. However, I am not that emotionally attached to him, but he is now saying he wants to be my BF. To be honest, I felt the same at the start a couple of months back, but his lifestyle is somewhat chaotic, and dodgy eg: I think he is up to questionable things. ..in fact I know he is, and this has caused me to be wary. He used to take me out to dinner and for drinks etc, but now he does not take me anywhere, and does not even bring a bottle of wine over. He has turned out to be tight, an opportunist, with his eye on the main chance and greedy. He has lied about not having any money, when I know he has. Don't get me wrong.. I am not after anything this guy has got, but I am feeling completely disrespected now, and have told him so and why, and he just sat there and took it and did not even try and defend himself.The thing is, I feel he wants more, as I can see he likes me, so maybe he is angry too, as he knows I don't feel the same? but he also knows I like having sex with him, and he does too, but as I am now starting to feel angry towards him, I wonder if it's now healthy to keep this going at all? He knows we are not going to be exclusive - I told him as much, but really do love having sex with him, it makes me feel good. Am I ultimately disrespecting myself by continuing with this? should I let it go? or should I just ignore his shortcomings and do what feels nice as and when we see each other? Thanks - xx :o)
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cupidus!! I feel much better and stronger for ending it. it's not really being respectful to myself were I too continue walking down that seedy road!! LOL
Thanks alot. Love to you all. Nat xx
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Good luck with your next RS !
Glad we could help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk . Thanks guys. I ended it this morning. I decided it was not doing my self esteem any good by staying n an FWB along with the other stuff I mentioned. I feel relieved!! Thanks for all your help. :o)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers! The walkin dude? no it's not ego based at all. I have a full life and not time for a relationship..this guy also does not mind FWB - so it's not to do with using!Yes, I think the bottom line now is self respect, and am I willing to do and out up with anything to keep this sex ( he is..) He does have good intentions of changing, but his character is somewhat questionble, as he is greedy. I have decided to put this in it's rightful place, and not see him much, cut down the calls, and see him as and when it's ok for both of us. I am not being callous - but it cannot go anywhere for a number of reasons. I will look for someone else more suitable too ... Thanks guys.
...............................
A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (3 May 2011):
Well he probably didn't defend himself because you shamed him.
Which will shut anyone up pretty quick. However, that cat's out of the bag, you'll both have to live with any changes that crop up because of that, though I must say I see only good changes coming from it. I guess he took your rejection on the BF issue to heart thus the vintage stopped showing up.
Which made you feel not so much disrespected as feeling suddenly not special anymore. Which only means that you not only liked the sex but you liked how he made you feel. Which while I'm only speculating, means that there was more going on than the jump me in the shower baby oh...
I think you're feelings will deepen if you give this RS a chance to mature. In fact I think you don't want to have sex with anyone else and that's kind of a clue.
And all those terrible things that suddenly have popped up for you about this "dodgy" man only spell yet another clue that FWB's don't think about. Only people who are falling inlove think about these terrible things.
And also be advised, he's thinking about you in the same light.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Does he know that if he stops doing questionable dodgy things then you might consider being his girlfriend?
It feels to me you are looking for more than just sex. Even though it's too early for exclusivity, you still want companionship and you want to be treated like a lady. Do you know you have influence on what he does in his life? Don't you think if he loves you enough he would want to improve his lifestyle for you? If all you do is have sex with him, then what you get is miscommunication, assumptions on both sides. I believe a good FWB can lead to a real relationship, but most of the time they aren't so they just stay that way until one gets fed up with being treated like meat only. If he has no intentions for being a better man, then there is no point continuing this because I see that deep down inside you want more too, otherwise you wouldn't spend time thinking for him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (3 May 2011):
 The irony is, the "FWB" agreement is designed to avoid complications due to commitment, yet sex in itself, casual as it may be, is a commitment; this arrangment just makes it more complicated.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Continue to see him only if he accepts that there will be no more than sex. If he pressures for more it is time to let him go and find another lover.
That's the thing with FWB relationships. They need to end when/if one part falls for the other or wants more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): If it was the other way around and you wanted to be in a relationship with him but he didn't, would you think it was fair that he carried on having sex with you?
If it's just the sex that's making you stay and him stroking your ego then i'm sure there are plenty of other guys you could have that sort of relationship with.
You know he wants more yet you're willing to use that to get sex from him. That's a pretty nasty thing to do considering you know how he feels. If you just want an ego boost there are plenty of other things you could do with your time.
Also, aren't you a little old to be in something as immature as a "friends with benefits" relationship? You should know by now that there's no such thing, friends don't sleep with each other.
...............................
|
