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Our parents got married, now they say we have to split!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 February 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 18 February 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, *andy101 writes:

I got enganged 1 year ago to "stepbrother" - well he wasnt till 2 mounth ago. both my parents and both his parents were devorsed, and my mam and his dad have been very good friends since we got together, and 2 months ago they went on a cruise and got married. now our parents have said my fiance of a year and i need to spilt up! how can i spilt up with a man ive been going out with since i was 15, he was my 'first' in the meaning of love, sex, and brother!! I dont know what to do? Our other parents (the ones not married) have said to carryon the relationship, but the others said they would disown us. I've lived with my mam and he lived with his dad we were closer to them and now if we dont spilt up we wont see them again.

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A female reader, Tarawr United States +, writes (18 February 2010):

Tarawr agony auntDon't break up. You were together first. It's not right of them to ask you to break up just because they are now married.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

My grandmother's mom and my grandfather's dad got married to each other after meeting at my grandparents' wedding. My mom has very fond memories of holidays because her familiy was all intertwined. I really don't think anyone preceived it as weird because, eventhough my grandparents were stepsiblings, they hadn't grown up together.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

I agree with what everybody writes here. Also don't worry about the "disowning" part. You are young, you can make your own fortune, and being happy together for many years is much more important than some vague long-term threats by your parents. Chances are they are going to reconsider several times over the next few years anyway.

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A female reader, Tigerlily United States +, writes (18 February 2010):

Ahhh... I'm sorry? You're parents met thru you two as a couple, you got engaged a year ago (and they knew full well you were intending to marry) so they race you to the alter and say you have to break up? That's ridiculous!

Just tell your parents no. We are not splitting up. You knew the deal for the past 5 years with us. Ask your mother how she would feel if you threatened her with "end your marriage or I'll never speak to you again"?

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A female reader, purpleprincess United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2010):

Aww this must be awful for ya. Think your parents have put u in a tricky possition. They knew who you was engaged to and they went ahead with love. If it bothers them that much then they shouldn't have got married. Its not your job to plan your life around your parents your at an age now wher you can make your own desisions. Dnt let your parents presure u into a desision it wil in the long run make u resent them. Good luck let us know wot you deside to do xx

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2010):

Your parents have been incredibly selfish to do this to you, knowing that you were both engaged. However, you don't need to split, as you are not blood related. Your other parents are perfectly happy, so you know it's not wrong. I'm just sad that your mother and his father were selfish enough to attempt to ruin your plans. Get married and be happy for yourself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

if you two love each other, stay together.

just because those two got married doesn't mean you two need to stop loving each other..

hell, tell them you were together first, since they want to act like children, first comes first serves. tell them they need to break up and ask them how they feel about it! lol!

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (18 February 2010):

In my personal opinion, you do not need to split up. You are over 18 and you were together before your parents got together. And most importantly, you are not related by blood at all. I'm sorry but your parents are being selfish. Get your non married parents to talk to each of them separately. This is a workable situation and is very common. It may be a little weird at first but there are many unique families in the world. Good luck

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (18 February 2010):

Honeygirl agony auntHun, I dont see the need for you to split up - he isnt your blood relation.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

Your parents are being selfish and ridiculous. Ask them if they are really prepared to lose your fiance.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

As you are 18-21 you are old enough to make your own decisions. They cannot force you to split up, and I also doubt that they would really disown you either if it came down to it. As your other parents are supportive of you then I suggest you carry on the relationship for now. If you are engaged then presumably you have decided you want to spend the rest of your lives together against all odds. This is one of those times where your love and committment is really tested.

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