A
female
age
41-50,
*emonverbena
writes:Sorry, this is a little long-winded. My boyfriend and I have been together for a very short time. He lives very far away and we have been seeing each other for a few months. Every month and a half we get to spend a few days together at a time. We have only spent about 25 days together in total, though they have each been intense and wonderful. We are madly in love with each other, and when we are together we spend most of our hours in bed, making out and having lots of fun sex.Having sex with him is really great, and we both enjoy it a lot. I tend to cum very quickly (with everyone, its just my nature), so I have to ask my partners to be careful to help me postpone this. It takes him some time to cum (he said he practices with-staining during masturbation) and sometimes needs to masturbate after I have cum to get himself off.This doesn't bother me at all. I enjoy watching him masturbate and I usually find it really sexy, and I typically help by jerking him off or giving him head, which I love to do. We take turns. What does bother me though is that the other day he jerked himself off for about 30 minutes, and didn't seem to be trying very hard to cum. He was just masturbating as I lay there beside him, not looking at me, not opening his eyes, and seemed like he was just going to continue for hours. I felt bored, but unsure with how to proceed. It had gone past the sexy point, and just seemed then that I no longer existed to him and should maybe leave the room. I felt hurt that he wasn't even checking in with me to see if what he was doing was consensual, and then I felt guilty for not wanting him to pleasure himself.I spoke to him about it after a time because I felt like I was going to have to do something, he was not going to notice how I was feeling because he wasn't paying attention to me at all. I told him that I felt left out, and he said that "I could do whatever I wanted," which I interpreted to mean that I could join in or masturbate myself, etc. At that point I didn't want to DO anything, I just wanted to interact with him but he seemed completely absorbed in his own world, very happily, and I felt he didn't want to be interrupted.He did this again a few days later. I think it might be a pattern, and I am confused by my reaction to it, and his reasons for doing it. I want him to cum of course, but I also want to feel needed or I'd rather leave the room. If I just left, I might feel hard feelings towards him anyway because I feel he'd rather pleasure himself than interact with me. This whole thing makes me uncomfortable, and I have never dealt with it with any of my past partners. Does anyone have any light to shed on what I should do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lemonverbena +, writes (18 February 2010):
lemonverbena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey anonymous, thanks for the tip.
I am not sure if he uses porn. I would assume he does since most people do (and I do!) but I would imagine that its true that he may have desensitized himself to sex through masturbating a lot on his own. I am still getting to know him so this would be something to ask. It's a little tricky to ask such things of course at this point. I don't want to make him feel like I am judging him or prying, but I'd like to bring it up in a chill way when we are together again in a month.
I feel bad asking him to lay off masturbation, but I think he might view it as an interesting experiment worth trying, I hope!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Hey
Just something to consider, that hasn't been mentioned.
Could he be overly reliant on using porn to ejaculate?
I mean, is he able to actually reach orgasm whilst he is inside you, or does it take a lot of "effort" for him to cum? It sounds to me like the problem might be that he is desensitized and can only come by masturbating profusely by himself. If this is the problem, giving up porn for a while, and not masturbating when he is not around you, will enable him to reach orgasm easier and quicker. Then you guys might be able to time sex better so that you can both cum at the same time. Let us know how you get on!
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A
female
reader, lemonverbena +, writes (18 February 2010):
lemonverbena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses.
@ lemontree25 - it's not that its too painful for me after I have cum, its that he seems to prefer to masturbate instead of continuing to have sex.
I have a feeling that sex is stressful for him. He sometimes has trouble maintaining wearing a condom because he goes slightly flaccid at times. My suspicion is that he is nervous and its easier and more pleasurable for him to masturbate after he has pleasured me.
I would rather us continue to interact together.
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A
female
reader, lemontree25 +, writes (18 February 2010):
I think your best bet is to at least try to join in a few times and gauge his reaction. If he indeed seems like he is bothered by you "interrupting" him, then you might have to bring it up again. Also, there is no reason, unless it is painful/too sensitive, that you cannot continue having sex even after you have cum. And, I don't know if he would agree to this, but when I was in a long distance relationship my bf would not masturbate for a couple days before we saw each other and his excitement would be heightened by that slight period of abstinence. I guess if worst comes to worst, and you still want to be with him, you could just exit the room. Take a shower or do something else. It wouldn't be ideal, but if all else fails you do what you have to do. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, snrrao  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 i can understand your feelings.you must know that while masturbating one cannot control their mind so their mind only thinks about sex.so may not pay attention to youcoming to you it is very easy to solve this problem.when your climax comes u should think of some thing other than sex so you can postpone your climax.you masturbate before intercourse so the second round goes slow.have a nice sex
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