| A
female
,
*omasun
writes: hi,I'm 28 years old. I am a stable, funny, talented, adventurous, artistic woman. For the past 7 months I have been seeing a wonderful, loveable, musical, handsome 20 year old. Young yes, but damn handsome and truly loving. He moved out here to escape a painful and uncontrollable breakup and to have fun with his life. They parted ways with him owing her quite a bit of money that he promised (I'm sure honestly he did believe it) to pay back. To this day he has not paid her anything as she is in another country and he simply cannot budget his less than abundant funds.At first we agreed to keep our union simple. Then we realized that our positive attitude and agenda created a healthy, fun, balanced and surprisingly deeply and intensely-romantic relationship. Amazing romantic connection. He came on much stronger than I and I could always count on him to shower me with perfect and abundant true love. A few days ago he received an email from the ex whom he had to split with 9 months ago for circumstances beyond their control. Within minutes our relationship vanished. He realized he hadn't gotten anything accomplished since he'd been here, that he hadn't paid her back, ignored her, and that all he'd been up to was thinking about me 99% of the time. He felt selfish, guilty, scattered and immature. He has made a flipped-switch decision to be independent and get his stuff together. He believes firmly now that I am out of his league and that we are just hindering each other's growth. He promises that there is no lack of love and that our relationship has been perfect but he is determined that we cannot see each other (and risk a backslide). My heart is broken. I am in love but realize he is right. That doesn't make me hurt any less, though, to have our connection, so intense one moment, be severed without warning. Do people really make a decision so swiftly like that?What do I do to heal these hurts? How do I serve both his wishes and mine simultaneously? He is a good person who is confused. I want to move ahead, but it's hard to know that we love each other and just choose not to be together. Guidance, please.Thank you.
View related questions:
his ex, immature, money, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelina +, writes (16 July 2005):
If he is as good a person as you say he is, he WOULD be guilty for owing someone a lot of money, and, instead of working on paying them back, getting into a passionate relationship with someone else instead. That was an immature and somewhat irresponsible thing for him to do.
He is probably a good guy, but he has gotten himself into a bit of a mess, and he probably just wants some time to sort it out. Passionate relationships like yours are distracting. They are almost like a drug addiction. They often stop people from doing what they need to get done.
The best think you could do for him right now is to be understanding. Understand that he has an obligation, and he can't irresponsibly neglect it for you. He probably just needs some time to tie up those loose ends, and then if it is true love, he will come back to you when the time is right. Relationships depend not only on how compatible the partners are for each other, but also on whether or not the TIMING is right. Unfortunatately, you met him at a bad time.
Let him know that you understand he has to do this, but to call you up when he is ready to see you again. In the meantime, pamper yourself. You are going to miss him, his gifts, his affection, and attention, but think of all the free time you will have without him. You will have time to do art, write, read, meditate, take long solitary walks, journal. And when he comes back to you, you will be an even better, more evolved person, and you both will have even more to offer each other. He will be even more available to you as well, without this thing hanging over his head.
|
