A
male
age
41-50,
*ichieg
writes:my wife of 7 years last night told me she was unhappy with the marrage and felt like that for a year. she says that she feels like she is living with a brother rather than a husband and she doesn't know why she feels like this.we get on great like the same things have the same sense of humour. are friends are the same people. she does have friends from work but never bothers to keep in touch with them when her place of work has changed. we both don't enjoy drinking anymore so don't realy go out that much it tends to be a weekly visit to a friends house same, house same friends. i have suggested that we make time for us to go out and 'date' again to try and get that spark back the making the effort for each other. i've also suggested that she makes time for her what she wants to do. go out with any of her friends. our sex life isn't exactly spectacular the norm is once a month one position usaly initated by me and some times it feels like it is a case of she is doing it because she feels obliged to do (appart from our last 2 week holiday where we had lots of sex initiated by both of us.) i have tried to make her feel special and if there is anything she would like to try what can i do to make things better for her.at christmas she said she would like a pole dancing kit so she could get fit and do some thing sexy for me. i got her one and it has remaind in its box unused. i've offerd to get it out and give it a whirl to try and break the ice but nothing has happened. but that tends to be the norm we have bought dvd's and books to try and spice things up to. but they remain unwatched. i keep trying to suggest we watch them together but she says she is too embaressed. has anyone got any suggestion to what i can do i don't want to lose her she is my world.
View related questions:
christmas, sex life, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (31 July 2010):
I am in a similar situation myself. I've been married for almost 25 years and I have to say, I sometimes feel a bit like brother and sister and actually for quite some time. I do love my husband, but there seems to be not much spark.
As the years go by, life seems to get in the way without you even realizing it. So it's really important to have some interesting hobbies and creative pursuits to break the monotony. Also, to schedule them into your day every day. Some time to yourself in these hobbies and interests, gives your life balance and relieves stress as a result. This "Me Time" will make you both happier and at peace with the world.
Without hobbies and interests, it can feel like outside of work there is nothing. And it's a pretty depressing thought. Each day becomes very predictable.
The more interesting activities you have in your life, the more interested and the more interesting you become. This in turn flows on to your marriage and all relationships in your life generally.
I hope it helps you. I am going to take my own advice.
Best Wishes.
A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Damm, I have the same problem. I think exercise like walking together and letting her vent may help with the lack of energy. My wife likes coffee so when I grind some beens and make a pot she gets in a better mood. I try to find things she likes to do or have done on occasion. At least you don't have the strip club/porn addiction I have to somehow find a way to get over. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): you need to make your wife feel special. Giveher your attention. Take her out for dinner, buy her some flowers. But most important listen to her. Make time to Talk to each other. Don't sit in front of the t.v. watching the same programmes every week. Break the pattern of visiting the same friends al the time. I am in a very similar situation woth my hubby. He is completely comfotable with our life but i am increasingly frustrated and bored. I wish he would pay me mre attention. I have asked hime to and even suggested we talk to marrage counsellor but he goes on ignoring the problems, digging his head in and hopinbg they will go away. I am seriously considering ending our marriage now. Do something to make your wife feel special before it is too late.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): my wife has now been to the doctors and is just over 1 week into a course of prozac. she is trying to work ut issues with the death of her mother and brother a few years ago. i'm hoping that this is the case but she does say that there are underlying issues to how she is feeling.
before she went to the doctors i moved out for a night on 2 occasions.
she does say she still loves me and i'm just trying to take it one day at a time. so fingers crossed i can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
so if you wife is acting like mine it my be depression but some times getting them to face that fact can be a stuggle. i'm quite lucky that she has faced this fact but now it took several weeks for her to realise this.
all you can do is be patient and supportve.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): I can totally understand where you are coming from, I have been trying for 3 months now to strike a conversation with my wife, she feels tired all the time after work even though there is not much she does there. Have asked her out for meals, brought her things that she really wants, but shes at that point in her life where she wants to change. Said to me that I was more like a brother than a husband too.
Its not TV my wife likes to watch it the internet with myspace and wayn sites, getting the attention from other people that share her interest and love for books and history. I am trying my best to understand wat sh wants but says little to late.
Today I am sat here now after 3 hours of saying lets get out and do something but all she wants to do is nothing with me
good luck mate wish I had the answers i really do
...............................
A
male
reader, richieg +, writes (10 May 2007):
richieg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers. i am trying but it all seems one way at the minute even though she told me she wanted to try and do things to help. i'm upset about it but she hasn't been sleeping well and she has a lot on at work at the moment, so i'm hopeing that some of her lack of get up and go is due to that. she just comes home from work and its so hard to strike up a convesation with her, she just sit and watches tv. when i try and talk she doesn't bite my head off she just doesn't seem to want to get into a conversation. we were due to go out last night for a meal but she was so tired we just got take out. i'm just hoping that after she has the weekend to get some rest i can take he out for lunch on sunday. i tried writting notes for her last night and they all sounded so defeatist that she had already left and i was trying to get her back rather than she is here and telling me that she wants to work it out.please keep the advice coming i will try anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty jane +, writes (9 May 2007):
 sounds like things are just a bit stale t the moment....
you say that you offer to put things on (videos etc)
dont offer just do it...
why not put up the pole dancing kit and give her a sexy show,it will show her your not embarressed and may even get her going ....do things on the spur of the moment dont let things get stale....when you go to bed just pop in a video and watch it ,dont ask if she wants to because she will probably say no...
just take her to a local pub one night and talk to each other,get to know each other all over again nd when you walk her home stop somewhere and pull her towrds you and kiss her
pop little love you notes in her pockets and bag so when she is at work she finds them and thinks of you,also write down what you would like to do to her when you get home and make sure you carry it out
...............................
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (8 May 2007):
 It sounds like you know what you have to do, you just have to push it through to the finale.
Give her loads of encouragement in regards to the things she wants to do in her spare time, show the interest you would like her to show you.
I think time together outside of the house, going somewhere new, doing some exploring together is a great way to get conversations going and finding the things you both enjoy again. Life as a couple can get in a routine sometimes and you end up taking each other for granted without any of you really noticing.
Change the routine, surprise her with an outing somewhere, a meal out, anything really.
If it is going to take yourself to get the relationship back on its feet, than thats what you need to do. If you dont you will only regret the opportunity that you missed later on. (Something that i regret myself).
Hopefully your constant motivation and upbeat attitude will be catching and she will get caught up in the excitment with you.
Dont give up, it sounds like you have a chance to start a new with the woman you love. Give it your all now and show her how good it is going to get.
...............................
|
