A
female
age
51-59,
*atherine2081
writes:Help!! My partner and I live with our 5 kids. Two from his previous relationship three from mine. He's very bias towards his kids and I'm scared its damaging my kids. Two of my kids spend half the week with their dad and I was on my own with the three kids for four years before I met him so I'm very close to my kids partic my 11 year old daughter. He had issues with my daughter from the start as she's clever popular the opposite of his son the same age. He called her precocious and boastful if she came and told us she did something good. He used to say my daughter kept wanting to sit next to me when out he would sit the other side he said she was too old to do this (even though I don't see her half the week) his 8 year old girl could though as her mum had passed away (she committed suicide). His kids get whatever they want but he watches what I do with mine like a hawk even though it's my money. I can have one on one with her or my son as he says I have other kids too. My daughter hates him. We just came back from holiday and fought every day as he was saying how terrible mine were all day and I mean all day. His daughter punched my daughter in the face after my daughter teased her I told them both off but had to pull his daughter away as she was still kicking. He called me a psycho bitch in front of all the kids and slammed a door on me. I feel sad that it's not working but feels like it's time to move on what do you think?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 September 2016):
 I'm sorry it didn't work out, but in the end THIS is better for you AND your daughter.
People who talk about wanting to change, don't. He is only telling you that to placate you. And I think you know that.
I'd honestly wish him well and block him on the phone. There is no need for contact.
Good luck and you can do it!
A
female
reader, katherine2081 +, writes (3 September 2016):
katherine2081 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all your advice. I had a chat with him and his parents last sat I was totally honest about everything and the way I feel he said he realised and knew it needed to change. Monday the same issues came up again jealousy as I played with my daughter in the park when he was there and all the other kids then ignoring me. I had enough I thought this is never going to change I left with my kids and vowed never to return. My family and the kids are over joyed especially my 11 year old daughter. I know I made the right choice. He's texted me over and over about 100 texts a day saying he's had a shock he will change but I threatened to leave several times in the past he never changed. So I told him I don't think he will change so can't come back. Part of me today feels very sad. I feel sad for all the things I hoped for from it and I'm back on my own again.i know I made the right choice but it's tough xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): I do think it's time to move on your kids are a part of you and if he loves you then he should love your kids and respect them just like he respects you. Everything is separate in your house from what you write and it should be all together as one family I don't think you want to live this way the rest of your life or put your children through the emotional stress. The only thing that I can suggest is counseling maybe it will help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2016): Jesus move on from him. This is awful - not only does he sound like a mental partner he is going to turn your relationship with your own children to shit. Stay with him, and they will slowly not just hate him but will hate you for putting such a pig of a man before them. You and your children deserve better - surely being single and happy is better than this?!Please, thunk of yourself and your children and end it. There's no taking him back if he promises things will be different etc... that will only make your children think your a completely doormat, ready to be walked all over. Give your 11 year old the positive role model she needs and show her that relationships should not be like that and that you respect yourself more than to allow a man to wedge himself between you and your children. There's a lovely message to be had when parents let their children see them putting their partners first - when that's done in a loving way. But this man isn't loving, he is a jealous child and his children are clearly struffling considering they have not got their mother in their life. You and he should both go your separate ways and agree that your children need you both more.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (2 August 2016):
He is obviously trying to compensate for the terrible tragedy that happened to his children, but he's going about it the wrong way. Meanwhile, he plainly has not accepted your kids. Regardless of whether this is because he has not bonded with them, or he does not like The fact that you have a passed, it really doesn't matter. We all know that the golden rule is that a person with kids is a package and that you have to accept all of the package. He has not done that, so I'm afraid it's not going to work. Shouting abuse at you in front of your children is also a deeply worrying sign. Get out now!
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 August 2016):
 I’d vote for moving on. Be kind to the children as they are not yet old enough to be fully aware of their own bad behavior. He, on the other hand, is old enough to know better.
Calling you a “psycho bitch” in front of everyone and slamming a door on you are very aggressive acts.
It is a terrible tragedy for his family that mum took her own life. How difficult for the children to deal with and how awful they have to go through it with such a boor of a father.
I’d be sad too but would put the well-being of your children first. If he’s this volatile and potentially violent, I’d check in here: http://www.thehotline.org to get help in ending the relationship safely for you and your children, and for his children as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 August 2016):
Yeah, definitely time to end it.
While I don't think it's strange that his kids get away with "murder" because they lost their mom, I would NOT accept for anyone to make MY kids feel like crap. Nope, no way.
As for the kids? Well, kids fight. Siblings fight. I don't think what his daughter did to yours is any stranger or worse than what your daughter did to his. But I don't think it's healthy for kids to feel like they are not all being treated equally.
If the house yours or his?
If it's yours give him 30 days to find new accommodations, I think that would only be a fair amount of time to find something for 1 adult and 2 kids.
If the place is his... I would find a new place, pack up, move ASAP. I would also change PASSWORDS/PIN numbers on everything and IF your name is on any of the bills ( if the house is his) REMOVE your name before you move.
Doesn't seem like you two are good at communication or compromises... or blending your families. So I'd end it before any of the kids feel worse than it already is.
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