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Do I give him a chance or end it before I get hurt?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 3 August 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

No judgement please . I got chatting to a guy on online dating site ill call him A . we met and stayed in touch we took ourselves off the site. We decided to take it really slow so theres no pressure. i know his dad had a bad accident he needs to be more careful as one tiny slip could paralyse him . This has put pressure on A as he is the only child that has no wife and kids unlike his siblings . We was going to meet up again but he went all quiet and distant on me , he messaged and said he was just really busy . I dont expect to be told every detail of his life but im concerned about what he could be going through . A while back he did tell me that there was a big chance his dad would have to have an operation . Im wondering if this is what is happening and its just easier for him to cut down a lot of contact . He does not have a wife or kids or seeing anyone else . I texted his phone but my messages dont seem to go through anymore . I know what most are going to say and that would be to ditch him . Do i give him till the end of the week so he has a chance to give an explanation,or if ive not heard from him just cut all contact ?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (3 August 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Tisha

I would call and leave a message, tell him that you wish him well, that you presume he is not at a place & time to date and that you accept that but also that YOU have to move on. Wish his father good luck with his health and then BLOCK the guy.

After that? Put your profile back up. And DO NOT take it down till you have met someone (in person) and dated them LONG enough (in person) to be exclusive, after that? You can take the profile down.

Good luck.

And this is not about you, the timing is off for him and maybe the idea of dating was great for him, but he didn't find he had the time. He should just have been honest with you, IMHO

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (2 August 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntMaybe dating is there last thing on his mind right now. I think you should forget about this guy and move on.

He seems really caught up in his personal life, what with his dad's illness and everything, and obviously he hasn't given you that place in his life where he makes you a priority or even lets you know what's going on, on a basis.

Let him be, just leave a message wishing him well and if he asks, just tell him that you're back on the dating circle again because you didn't know where things stood with him and you waited but there was no response from him, so you've moved on.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (2 August 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntI think the chance he’s going to reach back out to you and start to talk again is pretty slim. I’m not trying to be mean or hurtful, it’s just that if he really saw something happening between you two, he’d be doing what it takes to make it happen.

I’d call him. Actually ring him and speak live or leave a voice mail. “Hey, Matthew, it’s been xyz time since I’ve spoken with you and abc since we’ve messaged. I hope your father is well, either recovering from the operation, or if he didn’t need it after all, that whatever he’s going through is resolving. I’ve tried to reach out a couple of times with no response. I am not blocking you at this point but I am putting myself back into the dating pool. If you see me there please recognize I’m there because I’m still single. I’m not interested in pursuing anything further with going forward. Good luck with your future.”

or

“Hey Matt, Liza here. I haven’t heard from you in a long time so I’m moving forward and filing you in the “I knew him but nothing happened” file. It’s not personal, it’s just pragmatic. It’s time for me to move on. I wish you well with your future and I hope your dad is doing well. Bye bye.” And block.

or

Just block him, if it’s been 2 or more weeks. What will you learn that will make this feel any better?

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