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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: How can you deal with a drug addict son, who is no longer welcome in the family?He is not accepted or loved anymore by the extended family. Nobody wants to deal with a drug addict. They are very upset if he shows up, because he will wreck the atmosphere.Nobody wants him around, he steals, gets into bad insults and does all kind of crazy things.He is the shame of the family, and I'm the only one who will put up with it.When I invite him for family functions, everybody will blame it on me , when he goes bad.They dont want him to show up in their workplace etc.Now the problem is, that where he goes for counseling they always telling him, go visit your family ,its good for you. But it is not possible. Long time ago , I'm the only one and his dad, who will put up with him.It is very painful, I think my relatives judge me too , because of him. It makes my situation impossible. How can I deal with this?
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reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (21 April 2011):
From a counselling perspective, the developement of family relationships is very important for overal mental health and overcoming mental health issues. Most important though, is your son's one on one relationship between him and you, and him and his father. These are more important than his presence during family gatherings, though ideally he would be included in these as well.
Have a chat to your son about this issue too. Find out from him how he feels about all of this stuff, listen to him as well as telling him how you feel about it. Treat it as something that is normal to talk about, acknowledging that it can be difficult to talk about too, but its normal for people to discuss these kinds of family issues. Ask him what he thinks is the best way for him to be included but not be overwhelmed, or react, in group gatherings. Make it a team effort, and see if that helps.
Good luck.
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reader, dirtball  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Family is only helpful if they are supportive. In order for them to be supportive, he has to behave properly in their presence. This isn't happening so it would definitely be best if he DID NOT attend family gatherings. It will be less stressful for everyone.
Stress is one of the top triggers for recovering addicts. When things get difficult, they don't know how to deal with it so they escape into drugs.
Now, imagine you have a problem that everyone knows about. How is walking into a room of people who hate you for that problem going to help you feel better? The truth is, it won't. Likely you'll feel worse, and that is why he lashes out at people.
If you want the family to accept him, he needs to make changes. He needs to get clean, hold down a job, show that he's not that same person who they currently despise. You can almost be certain that if he gets his life back together, many of the people who judge him will give him another chance. He is family after all, and everyone makes mistakes. He just needs to overcome his own demons before this will be possible.
What you can do is be supportive of him. Help him help himself. But you should keep him separate from extended family for the time being. Unless they are willing to be supportive, they will only hinder his progress.
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