A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Everything I'm about to tell you is true.Four years ago, we had a horrific tragedy occur in the family. We lost our 19 year old daughter to human trafficking. She was a very bright girl; got A's in all her classes and even graduated third in her class. She was also captain of her soccer team her junior and senior years of high school. She volunteered 10 hours a week to the local library to teach five year olds how to read and write and got accepted for not only an internship as an Assistant Pre-Law Officer at the local firm but also to Yale Law. She was... a very, very smart girl.This one decision, however, was very stupid and I should have realized before we lost her: She was to visit a man she met online a year and a half before (a man she thought was "the one"). When she got on the plane to Hong Kong, I never saw her again. How do I know she was human trafficked? My family is not exactly rich, but when you're a parent, you will do anything in your power and beyond to get your child(ren) back home. My husband and I probably spent at least a 3/4's of a million, plunging ourselves deep in debt, to look for her. Hiring CIA and FBI agents and spending three and a half years of our lives and countless, sleepless nights looking for her.We were not on any national news network because, sadly, our situation is a little on the common side. We did try contacting the man she was to visit but he must have changed absolutely everything about his life before we could find out what happened.Since our daughter stopped returning our calls two days into her trip, my husband and I have not had the best time coping with all that's happened. My husband turned to drinking (starting to subside on that now) and I've been going to a therapist every single day since. This didn't have much of an affect on my youngest (another daughter), mainly because we didn't tell her really anything at all. We wanted her to focus on her own life, school, and friends.But now that she's 18, she wants to go to a university in England (she's already been accepted to Exeter University). Considering the events that have happened in our family, naturally I'm 100% against her even leaving the state to go to college. Of course, she now knows what happened and went through her own grieving process of losing her only sister and sibling but she still wants to go.How do I let her go? How do I let the past go? How do I finally let my oldest go?
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Ok... a few questions
#1- I would imagine that she would have gotten a picture from the guy that she was talking to for 1.5 years. Do you have access to her email account and password?
#2- Did she instant message the guy? If so, there are going to be logs on the computer that she used. The CIA and FBI computer wizzes and my friends that are computer programmers can go through computers and find deleted files, etc.
#3- Did she talk to him on the phone? If so, they keep records of incoming calls and outgoing calls from and to foreign countries after 911.
#4- She said she was in hongkong? I read, as a child, about chinese sex businesses, legal and illegal. You could go to china with someone that you met along the way, in terms of your search for your daughter, and show her picture to the people. Maybe someone might have seen her?
I am going to be 100% honest with you. The people that fall victim to human traffickers often don't live for four years. Often times they do though.
I am going to gamble that since she is such a smart woman, she WILL be the one to have survived.
Go to hong Kong. Go to china. She must have said where she was at in the two days she was talking to you.
Plan--
Get ALL the information you can get from her computer, from her email, from her phone logs, from her chat logs.
Get a picture of her and get a picture of the guy. Go to china yourself.
You have two advantages.
#1- She is smart- If she had a choice AT ALL, she would have survived.
#2- American law students from Yale don't frequent the places she would have been at and her face wouuld have most likely been memorable.
DO NOT GIVE UP just because some other people do.
Until you yourself have physically gone over to china, the case is still open.
As far as your youngest daughter, I'm not good with that stuff.
I am no expert with any of this stuff, but if you are interested in not giving hope up just yet, I am extremely unwilling to give up or surrender with these types of situations. You can private message me, and I commit myself to helping you and your husband find her.
This is a serious offer and I have a one track mind with this kind of stuff.
Best of luck
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Your story has actually brought tear to my eyes. I will pray and keep you, and your family in my prayers, and keep hope and faith that one day you will see your daughter again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2010):
 First off, I'm so sorry. I have 3 daughters so my heart is breaking for you.
I don't think you can ever let go, fully. All you can do is keep looking, keep trying and pray that she gets away and comes home.
As for your youngest. Exeter is an amazing place and it could be the experience of a life time for her. Would it be possible to rent a place near campus and stay with her for 1-3 months? To see her settle in? Eventually you will have to let your youngest, make decisions and choices for herself. I'm sure she is aware of what happened to her sister, a thing like that affects the whole family I'm sure. If she isn't fully aware of the situation I think NOW is a good time to talk about it. Also I would turn to some of the law enforcement agents/agencies you have been in contact with and ask them to give you and your daughter guidance in how to stay safe.
Bad things could as easily happen at a college in the US. Even if it was just around the corner from you.
I would ask someone you trust fully to help you "device" a plan of action. Have your daughter agree to it. How often to call, get Skype accounts so you guys can talk for free over the Internet, set rules for vacations/holidays.
I don't know if you are religious, if you are maybe your priest/rabbi/pastor can help you with this. If not maybe her school counselor.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Unfortunately its not a case getting over it, because quite frankly, Im pretty sure you never will. Its about learning to deal with it. I lost my dad just a few months ago, and we thought we were "ready" because he had been ill for about 9 months, but you are never "ready" to loose someone you are close to, and its not a case of getting over it, its a case of learning to deal with it.
You have made the first step by going to therapy and trust me, four years is NOTHING. This is still early days for getting over something like this. So you are quite right to feel the way you do!
I start at Dundee University in Scotland in September and I know my mom feels like you. Its a long way from home. With your experience you will be concerned with the fact that this could happen all over again!
Something you could do is perhaps when she does move, is come over with her, get her settled wherever she is going to be staying. We can only imagine how you must feel, but its not fair on her to stop her doing something she really wants because of a bad experience. I know it sounds cruel and calous, but unfortunately its fact.
Perhaps if you meet the people she will be staying with, see where she will be living etc, you may feel a little more at ease. Remember its not like your other daughters experience of going to meet someone in another country. Shes coming here to get an education. Now days, be thankful that she wants to get a further education. Most kids now days, just want to go straight into jobs and not do the University/College thing.
Look, I dont know what course she is planning to do at University. See if she can get into Dundee. I'll look after her for you! :-)
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A
female
reader, VictoriaRose +, writes (29 April 2010):
Honestly i don't think thers anyway to let go
I'm sorry to say..
There's always going to the thought in the back of your head. Is she alive? Is she okay? Is she hurt?
I'm only 15, im 6 weeks prego and i could never dream of the pain that your going threw but it's been 4 years you say.
I'd say let your youngest go trust her, But set bondries as in come home ever holiday, call me every night and everymorning,
You just have to have faith in her,
I hope that they do find your daughter and that she's okay
Live the life you love, Love the life you live
3
Victoria Rose
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 April 2010):
 It's not that often that in reading a story or question where I become lost for words. My heart goes out to your family and the difficulties you've had to endure. I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through.
England could be a great opportunity for your younger daughter. It's not meeting a guy on line and although we can never fully protect our children, I could see her being as safe in England at school, as she would be in the states at school. Her greatest protection is in knowledge of what to do and what not to. It's the simple things, like telling people where you're going, not going to gatherings alone etc. that provide the greatest protection.
As far as the past, and letting her go, if you have not received the sheriff at your door, prayers for her safety and return needs to continue. To let go, is to give up, and assume the worse. More and more organizations are joining in the fight against trafficking. You're right that trafficking is more common that we'd like to admit that it is, but at the same time, it's becoming more and more a worldwide priority in putting an end to it.
All I'm saying is not to loose faith or give up hope. I can't remember his last name, but the boy Sean who had been kidnapped, thought to be dead, but was returned to his parents, I believe it was five years after the incident. One of the best ways to heal and to cope is to get plugged in and allow your story to impact others. It's stories like yours that are the cause for action and the reason for so many agencies, and organizations to be battling against this horrific crime. I say horrific, not because of a single case outcome, but because of how many people who live in this world without regard to humanity at this magnitude.
I also believe it's important that you forgive yourself. I feel as if you're taking a lot of blame for what has happened, and it's not your fault. We've all let down our guard at one time or another in believe the good in someone, but finding out that it didn't exist.
I'd also recommend telling your story or submitting it to large prayer organizations. There's a real power in prayer. One story I vividly remember was a boy with shaken baby syndrome, his brain was 50% dead. Their was literally a national prayer campaign with over 170 k caring individuals involved. He's now made 99% full recovery, and the doctors can't figure out how when he would sleep his brain was self repairing, which defied medical logic. I was part of that prayer team, and by his recovery, the power of prayer took on a whole new meaning.
I'm sorry your family has had to endure what no one should ever have to go through. I'll keep you in my prayers, and if you reply with her name, or by email, I'll provide this information to some of the larger prayer groups I'm acquainted with. I hope this helps, take care.
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A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Oh my goodness. This truly is an awful, awful loss. I am SO sorry.
Have you tried moving with your daughter to the place? You do need time to refresh about everything that has happened and start all over again.
If not, tell your youngest. But this is a situation that requires family counseling.
Best of luck and wishes to you and your family.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I hope your mail is read by youngsters of both sexes, to take care of themselves and not get involved with predators online.
Believe in god and prey regularly for her. Keep on hoping that she is alive and safe, wherever she is, and that one day you all will meet her.
Don't stop your younger daughter from living her life. Have faith in her that she will take care of herself and will be careful after knowing what happened to her elder sister.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 That's just terrible. I'm so sorry for you and your family xxx
I can't imagine how hard this must be on you all, nor can I think of anything constructive to say about a situation that for most is just beyond imagining.
I think you (as a family) should seek out professional councelling on this one as it will likely be a long and slow road to dealing with this in away that does not stop any of you from truly living in the future.
Best Wishes xxx
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