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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I approached a guy (call him ALEX) on social media. Alex is the cousin of one of my sister's friend. We didn't know each other then. I wrote to him to say hi. But the convo escalated quickly into about sex. And we sexted. I immediately regretted it because I liked him. Also wasn't expecting him to be sexually so open and he was the one who manouvered the convo into sex. I tried to maintain distance but he argued that we could just talk. However, the next instance we ended up sexting again. (We sexted twice)I am not one to sext people randomly. I could chalk it up to the hurt I was feeling as a dating situation had failed recently.However, a few days later Alex then tells me he's not looking to get married and he doesn't believe in marriage etc.I wasn't expecting any of this. This was so far away from what I had judged him to be.Did me sexting him affect his perception of me.. hence him behaving this way with me?Or do you think Alex is a player?While sexting he was being very out there.. which I'm not used to. I am a bit conservative. And he was talking like he's reading lines from a porno.Ex. Do you wanna squirt? I have since told Alex I'm not comfortable with our convos being all about sex and decided we should not talk. I had blocked him.. however he called me from a different no. to tell me we can just be friends and not to block him. When I unblocked him he wrote to me again at night and I quickly told him I'm going to sleep. He hasn't written to me since.Also he's a research scholar by day... which makes me hard to believe his sexual deviant at night behaviour.Any insight on this situation is appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2021): "I am a bit conservative." I thought you may have been overacting to some pillow talk gone a little too risque. He had me up until the "do you wanna squirt?"
He's a creeper, run.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2021): Sometimes first-impressions are lasting impressions. They are reinforced if your behavior is consistent, and whatever you've said or done before is repeated. That makes it difficult to reverse whatever perception or notions you've created in the minds of someone you've only recently met.
He feels he already has a foot in the door, and now you're playing coy. You sexted with a guy you hardly know, now you want him to believe you're not that kind of girl. If you happen to get him on the phone again, explicitly demand him to stop contacting you; and don't expect any further communication of the nature you had before. Let him know you regret doing it, and now you don't wish to hear from him again. Then don't respond to anymore unidentified calls or messages.
A person's profession and level of education doesn't stop them from being bigoted, racist, mean, or perverse. Look at politicians these days! I've never witnessed anything or anyone more vile and disgusting than the people holding high offices in our government. Yet they have a following who love it!!! Yeah, you can be a rocket scientist, and be a total perv; or the foul-mouthed fire-breathing spawn of Satan!!!
Sexting between consenting and "well-acquainted" adults is common these days. Once you've opened that door, and invite somebody into that realm; they think they know what you're really like behind closed doors, and they'll call you out! You can't fool them, even if it isn't something you'd normally do. He's got proof you do it, because you've done it more than once!
That doesn't mean you can't stop it, and insist that he leaves you alone. Put your foot down, and make it abundantly clear; it's not going to happen again, and he can get lost!!! Push comes to shove, threaten to tell his cousin. My guess is, that it won't be any surprise, his cousin probably knows; but will be a witness that you've asked this guy to stop contacting you! You can't be ashamed of the sexting now, what's done is done; and you don't know who was listening at the time anyway. If he knows you're not scared he'll squeal on you, he has no leverage over you. From the point you've asked him to stop contacting you, it can be considered harassment. He has a good job, and I'm certain he wouldn't want to lose it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2021): I think it's important for me as an uncle to refrain from casting any judgement on Alex as though I know him through your one post.You start off saying that *you* contacted him, having never actually spoken to him in person, via *social media*Welcome to us males' world:where we have to take the step of approaching females. Need I say more?"I am not one to sext people randomly."Be very wary of messaging/texting vs voice call vs video call vs meeting in person. They are totally different beasts.Case in point, it's not easy to tell from your post whether you mean that you 'liked' Alex from having seen him at places before as the cousin of a friend of your sister's, or just from that initial contact you had made via social media.Nothing in your post indicates that you're quoting anything Alex said when you had met in person *after* you contacted him on social media, accordingly, it seems that everything you quote from him is from via social media, is that correct?"I tried to maintain distance but he argued that we could just talk."He argued that, via social media or when you had met in person?Sexting might not be everybody's thing. I'm one who, if not for sexting, would have had no relationships ever at all, long-distance-oblige. Alex likes sexting. And you are among those people who know how to sext.My 2 cents' worth: whenever you feel that *texting* is not working, or is being overly relied on in an inefficient way, proscribe yourselves to calling/video calling/meeting in person for a while.You are not alone. Others have been there too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2021): It is clear to me that you stupidly thought that if you sexted with him he would then become a nice man and change his attitude. Instead of only seeing you as someone to wank to he would suddenly think wow, she sexted with me, I am now badly in love and want to get to know her seriously and want to share all of my income and future income with her and take care of her. Not how it works.A wanker is a wanker and always will be. There is a reason for a man having trouble in getting a girlfriend and not being in a relationship - in this case because he is a selfish, immature wanker. He does not respect or like women but he needs them in his life from time to time to help him out with sex fantasies. He wanted you to fulfill this role for him and help him out when he fancied it. No more.Once you have helped him to release himself you become superflous to requirements - until the next time. He may lie to you and say he likes you a lot - this really means that it would be handy for you to be available again for the same pleasure another time. Not YOU. Any young woman would do so long as she gives sexual pleasure.This is the sort of guy who would normally have to pay a sext service, a hot line or a prostitute to meet him so yes of course he wants you to please him, it saves him a lot of money. Where you go wrong is in this silly idea that if you go along with his rubbish he becomes a nice person.Changes his attitude and starts to give as well as takeand starts to see you as a real person. Why would he?You are both very immature. In your case incredibly naive if you think that a turd will decide to change into a gem just because it suits you and saves you from being single or waiting till a decent guy comes along.Did it not occur to you that lots of guys out there only want women for sex. You say it quickly escalated into sexting, that was not by change, it was because that is what he was after!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2021): Hello.. I am the original poster.. thank you for your replies.
I am going through a weird phase in my life so its been sort of difficult.
My question is for Kenny if you see this..
What are the red flags that you see?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 October 2021):
 Had to smile to myself that you thought because he had a decent job he couldn't be a sexual deviant. The two things are not mutually exclusive. Most sexual deviants hold down respectable jobs.
I notice you say "WE sexted" so it obviously wasn't a one way thing, i.e. him sexting you and you ignoring/cutting off the conversation immediately it crossed your boundary of decency, which would have been the sensible thing to do. OK, so he caught you at a vulnerable time, but that does not mean you have to keep in contact with him if he makes you feel uncomfortable, which he obviously does.
It's not really important what he thinks of you as, based on your description, he is not boyfriend material, so stop worrying about his opinion. Instead learn a life lesson from this encounter and, if something like this happens again, cut off the guy immediately and don't have any more contact.
Why are you back in contact with this sleazeball? Block him and move on with your life, a little wiser for the experience. Nobody said all experiences had to be good.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 October 2021):
 You thought that because he was a scholar he would be a good potential partner. You thought wrong.
He showed you who he is and what he is willing to give. He was willing to give "sexting" because he wasn't looking for a friend or a potential partner. YOU, my dear... are just spank bank entertainment.
You shot yourself in the foot when YOU engaged with the sexting, you could have told him the FIRST time, that you were not comfortable with that. But you didn't. You presumed if you played along he would want to get to know you but you were wrong.
Just cut him off, stop replying and block. You don't OWE him access to you. He isn't what you were/are looking for so stop wasting your time.
He WILL try and get you to engage in sexting again. I bet you.
Learn from this. Don't do things you aren't comfortable with. Say no or no, thanks if you are not interested in it.
You got caught up in the moment because you were HOPING for more. HE just wanted entertainment.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 October 2021):
 There are too many red flags with this guy and i think you are better off with him out of your life.
Just because he is a research scholar by day does not mean that he can't be a sexual sleaze by night.
It is clear the only thing that he was interested in was sexting. I think when it started you should maybe of said that it made you uncomfortable and refrained from participating in his sexual fantasy's.
He is not someone who yo want to be in a relationship with, and to be honest does not sound like someone you want in your life at all. Block him again, or change your number, then forget about this guy and move on with your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2021): Most of the guys online are like this and sex is what they seek. Especially the young ones. Some try to scam you with promises of love and a future, others are more honest about how it is just helping them to release themselves without them having to pay to ring sex chat lines and text lines etc. Basically you are saving him money if you go along with it, up to you. But if you are so keen on it why not get a job working for a sex chat line or text line and get lots of idiots like him paying you for it? What sort of guy is that desperate anyway? Is it because he is a loser, selfish, nasty, boring, ugly?
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