A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I fancied the hell outta one of my collegues , eventually we made out, and texted for days, we have since been sleeping together but are not in a 'relationship' as he said hes 'not a relationship person'. I agreed to this and when asked he says 'we are casually seeing each other' The thing is i think its too casual for me. He acts like we are a couple like cuddles and kisses all day but then i see him snogging other people in front of me! Why would he do that, he then comes up to me and asks if I'm jealous? Why would he do that?, I'm sure any normal person would be whether casual or not. Any advice on this/what to do would be appriciated as i am completely lost about what to do? Are there any ways of telling that he actually does genuinly like me? or even that he's falling for me? Cause i think im falling for him.Thanks for any advice guys !
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male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (16 April 2011):
Why do people come here and get really good advice (that a lot of people would, and do, pay for elsewhere) only to ignore the great advice given and then come back with the "I'm so confused" routine. You're not the only one confused. So are all the people here who gave you good advice in the first place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): OP, i can't believe you are being this stupid. He just wants sympathy. There's nothing stopping him being with you, he just doesn't want you. He wants someone he can screw occasionally, that's it.
It's time you woke up and got some self esteem, if you had any you wouldn't be acting like an unpaid hooker. I'm sorry, but all you are to him is someone to have sex with.
You'll never have a relationship with him. You'll never be his girlfriend. One day he'll find a girl he actually cares about and drop you like a stone. He's stringing you along, that's it.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 April 2011):
 You really need to end this, it's never going to go anywhere. Seriously, never. So what if he's not sleeping with anyone else right now? That doesn't mean he won't at some point, and when that happens you'll feel even worse than you do now. What he said or did that one night doesn't matter because at the end of the day, you're still just a friend with benefits to him. He's willing to sleep with you but not let you get too close, and you're allowing it to happen. You've let it go way too far, now it's up to you to decide whether you want to be a casual lay for this guy indefinitely or be with someone that won't string you along for sex and doesn't have issues. You've already wasted enough time on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys,So I have some updates on the situation, I am still sleeping with him (I know, I know) but anyway things were pretty standard, he's not currently sleeping with anyone else. Anyway we both got drunk and went back to his and he told me how nice it was when at some point the week before he got into bed n it smelt of me...etc... And we weere just talking when he said he was starting to get attatched to me. I mentioned tht he said thay its not what he wanted and he said he knows and we lay down to sleep. He seemed quite down so I said I think I'm getting attached to you too and then realised he was crying, I hugged him and he just like broke down saying not to get attached blah blah and tht he hurt somone really bad etc etc he just kept crying then cryed more thinking he had freaked me out so I comforted him saying it didn't make him a bad person and eventually we just cuddled n went to sleep, everything is pretty normal again but he's adamant I should not get attatched.What's your opinion on this guys? I was pretty darn confused! Why can he get attactched and I can't?Thanks
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Actually why do you like that person? why are you in love with him? you need to question before you think that person loves you or not.
Why you are agreeing to all his conditions?
Better question yourself before you look into him
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 January 2011):
He's getting his cake and eating it too, and you are allowing it by buying the line "he's not a relationship person."
If you are fine being a member of a harem, continue what you are doing.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (7 January 2011):
People who sleep together and claim not to be in a relationship are in denial. Unless you are both robots possessing neither heart nor soul, then I hate to break it to you...but you are in a relationship --a crappy relationship -- but a relationship nonetheless, no matter what new age label you want to put on it. Essentially, you've volunteered to give up your essence to someone who doesn't really appreciate what that means, which is why you feel so lost. Don't fall for this guy. You will be miserable. Trust me on that. And don't do the casual sex thing. That will get you nothing but used, hurt, angry, and ultimately alone. Run young lady, run fast!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): He's doing it because you both agreed it was casual. Although how people can call sex "casual" i really don't know.
Is this the kind of guy you want to be getting intimate with? Someone who kisses other girls in front of you, for whatever reason?
It's very unlikely you will end up in a relationship with him because once you start the FWB thing there's usually no going back from that.
You can either put up with his behaviour or stop this FWB thing with him. Most people aren't cut out for that type of thing and usually one person ends up hurt.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 January 2011):
He messes around with other women because he can, and asks if you're jealous for nothing more than an ego boost. You can't tell him to stop because you're not in a relationship, he's free to do what he likes. I'm sure he likes you, but that doesn't guarantee he's falling for you or ever will. Let's be realistic, he comes to you for sex and little else. Sorry to say it, but your chances of being seen as a potential girlfriend by him are slim to nonexistent and you'll be wasting your time waiting for him to prove otherwise. You're already sleeping with him, what incentive does he have to put in more effort to get what he's already getting now? Avoid FWB arrangements like this in the future, otherwise your inability to separate emotion from sex will lead to a lot of heartbreak and confusion.
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A
male
reader, shyguy22 +, writes (6 January 2011):
He thinks or has got you were he wants you you need to start playing hardball with him snog a guy even if you dont want to infront of him go out clubbing or drinking or even if you dont "pretend" to when he wants to see you. Im a man and i know we are hugley jealous creatures and want to make you "his"
But if he is a bit of a dick get out while you can before youl get more hurt
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 January 2011):
 hi
people get away with all sorts of stuff don't they while they are under the umbrella of 'casualness'! 'casual' doesn't have to mean 'having no respect for the other persons feelings' and that is what he is doing every time he kisses someone else IN FRONT OF YOU! and then why does he come over and ask if you are jealous?? he is either MISGUIDEDLY trying to make you jealous so that you will like him more (although why would he want you to like him more if he isn't gonna give you a proper relationship?) or he is taunting you. tell me what happens when he behaves like this, i mean how do you react? does it make you want him more and be more attentive to him? look, it was his idea to be FWB and you just went along with it to please him. that tells me that the 'relationship' is not on an equal footing from the outset and that is BAD NEWS FOR YOU girl, especially when the other person has got this emotionally cruel streak like he has. if you are not in too deep with him already (you 'think' you are falling for him) get out now before you do fall for him. he's right, he is not the relationship type, but it seems to me that you are. i'm sorry but i cannot see a happy ending for you with this one. he could dump you when he's had enough of your arrangement and he won't even lose sleep over it, coz he doesn't take you seriously, if he did he wouldn't dare risk ruining his chances with you by kissing anyone else, let alone in front or your very eyes. you deserve better
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is an example of the downside to a friends with benefits relationship. Your 'casual' relationship means he can sleep with you whenever he wants and not commit. Because he's made it clear that he doesn't want a proper relationship and you've agreed to this he has free reign to see as many girls as he wants. I'm sure you're not the only girl he's casually seeing. In a way it is a bit selfish on his part but at least he's been honest to you in wanting a casual partner.
If he's seeing other girls then I seriously doubt he feels the same way about you, otherwise he wouldn't be kissing them in front of you. Yes he's all cuddly and sweet with you when you're together but you're probably not the only one! If you really are falling for him then all you can do is tell him how you feel but be prepared for rejection cos guys like this are hard to tame.
Either that or just move on, it might be a bit awkward with you both working together but that'll soon pass like everything else.
Good Luck! xx
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (6 January 2011):
 You have got to be very careful when seeing or dating people that you work with, because its all rosy and sweet when things are going good, but if/when things diden't go well then it can then become very arkward when you still have to see them every day, not just for the pair of you but also for other colleagues as well.
He sounds like he is playing games with you, kissing and cuddling other people, then actually asking to see if your jealous, he is being childish and immature. Maybe he is trying to make you jealous, if you really like him, and can see past him kissing and and cuddling other girls, then talk to him about how you feel, and see what happens. Im not sure what sort of place you work in, whether its an office or something, but just be careful about getting into a relationship at work- if it ever got serous someone may have to eventually consider leaving, depending on what policies your work has about co-workers dating.
Good luck
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