A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’m having a relationship with a married man for nearly two years now. He’s been married for about 18 years. We are both contract workers and work away from home for months at a time and only get back home one’s every four months.We love each other dearly and he is my sole mate, we live for each other. I know he’s married and I’m wrong being the other women. Our relationship is not based on sex this is something that I’ve never experience in my entire life, how can this be wrong if being with him feels so right. We share everything, he makes me smile, we cry together, he is my everything.Well now we have a problem because someone took pictures of us kissing at a party and mailed it to his home address. His son opened the mail with his mom and he saw the pictures of us. No one at home wants to speak to him at the moment and I feel so sorry for him. He is a great man, great dad and really he does not deserve this. I know we are wrong but how can you help falling in love with someone, how can you control your feelings if you think you were meant to be . . . .He will go back home soon and we don’t know how to stop this, we really love each other but his son means the world to him. What do we have to do, where do we go from here . . . .
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): FYI to all of you, this is not a forum to debate the moral implications of her actions! This is not an opinion site where you can air your grievances!
She asked for advice, if you can't give constructive advice with the intention of helping then please don't post, there are plenty of other sites that welcome this kind of insulting sanctimonious crap, go find them!
Deriding the original poster and telling them that they deserve the pain they are going through is abhorrant to me and is the opposite of what this site aims to achieve!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Well of course I don't feel sorry for her.
I just am trying to stick to the subject at hand. The anon poster right above me:
"i really do not approve of the whole other woman thing but, if you care for this man like you say you do then the best thing that you can do is leave him so that his family can have a normal life. "
In my opinion gave just what was aked for.. no more and no less. She said waht she thought she should do, marked her disapproval, but was no more or less harsh then she needed to be.
Like i told her, the man does deserve what he's getting, she should not be proud and should've been prepared for this, but here is what she can do now that this problem has arised.
I don't feel sorry for her. I promise. And I REALLY dont' want to argue wtih anyone here. So.. sorry if I offended somehow.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): dear LVW, clearly you havn't been a wife(??) or else you would have COMPASSION for a so called bitter wife. you have such distaste for wives, why? because it hits home too close. thou protest too much............
maybe with you being placed in a compromising position with your married man you are painting all wives with the same tainted brush. surely your personal experiences would have taught you that compassion should be for both WIVES and MISTRESSES, not just vile thoughts about wives in general. your concept of affairs and who is to blame is one sided, you place too much of blame on wives, don't you think the 3 parties involved are equally to blame. i know you have had a bad experience with a married man who went back too his wife, i can turn your words around and tell you that you are also "blindly bitter" and you judge wives very harshly. surely this is your very personal experience being projected in your posts. your one sided portrayal of a wifes blame is unjustified. you are indeed very bitter that wives just "enable him to come running home like some poor little innocent sheep who was seduced". i fully agree that sometimes wives do not see that their enemy is really their husband and not only the mistress. i know you have really been hurt in the past, i am sorry you had to experience that, but just know this, wives are human too, just like mistresses.
i am trying not to trade a war of words with you but i think that because you have had a bad experience with your married man and his wife, you blame the wife too readily in some instances. i am glad you have made peace with your past experience and wish you well in the future. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): "but all she's asking is how to help this man through with his family." - how can we do that. his actions have consequences. he though that playing away with his lover away from his wife he would be safe. this other woman doesn't want to leave him. if they were not caught she and him would go on betraying his family.
she actually sounds fearful. maybe she knows the shit her married lover is in. his son has seen the evidence of his fathers betrayal. his son knows what his father has done to his mother, do yoy actually think the son will have time for his fathers mistress at all. this woman doesn't want her lover to go home to face the music. she was happy that her married lover was all hers and had nothing to do with his wife. she is destroying 18 yrs and she doesn't care. sll she can say is she loves him. what does she love - his lies/his betrayal/his con man tactics/i am assuming she thinks he is a faithful someone too/ for 2 yrs she messed with this man and she did not give a shit of her affair. now she is worried because she has been caught with her married lover. now she doesn't want him to face the consequences. this affair has proven no matter how secret an affair is, it always gets exposed. and please do not feel sorry for her. she knowingly and deliberately kept this married man for herself and she only thought about herself. she is not remorseful and ashamed of her affair. she is now only worried that they were caught out. she will get what is coming to her. in fact he too - especially when his boy doesn't want anything to do with him- then he will truly know what he has destroyed. migrant workers mess around while married. they get it on with people like the poster and just go home and expect to also f*ck their wives. they expect their wives to be faithful while they in fact do not know what the word means. they actually "abuse" their wives, keeping them in the homeland, while they continue their sordid lives in other parts of the country. they have 2 sets of rules, one for their wives and one for them. they do whatever they want, yet their wives have to toe the line.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): i really do not approve of the whole other woman thing but, if you care for this man like you say you do then the best thing that you can do is leave him so that his family can have a normal life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I in NO WAY support this woman's actions, but i must say in her favour:
She said that sex has not been had, and yet several of you are making references to her using him for that.
And she does need to know she was wrong in what she was going, but all she's asking is how to help this man through with his family. None of us can change the fact that the affair happened.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): where do you go from here...........out of this married mans life that is where. plse do not try too excuse your behaviour,you both were caught with your pants down. you have no intention of letting this married man go, you and him have delibertly hurt and wounded his wife and child. so much for him caring for his son!"He is a great man, great dad and really he does not deserve this" what doesn't he deserve - his wife finding out he is a liar , cheater, an adulterer. what a great man he has been - f*cking around with you while expecting his wife to remain in the homeland all loyal and faithful, bringing up his son alone, and waiting lovingly for her husbands return? your married lover is a user and like the cheat that he is, nust pay for his affair. how ? by being exposed as the *astard he obviously is. so much for a good decent man.what about you. you knew he was married, yet you conviently opened your legs to another womans man. did you even bother that he was married.no. you just helped yourself to this married man and his wife be damned. where was your concern for his sons welfare then. in love? how about in lust? well i hope the elders read him the riot act when he does go back home to face the music. do you think you will be welcomed into his family. you destroyed his marriage knowingly. the home wrecker that you are will not be welcomed into his home and lets face it, once a cheater always a cheater. do you think he will stop with just you. do you think you are so special to him. you were a means to an end. nothing more. LVW, I am so tired of you justifying your affair with a married man. i have read you post the same in other posts as well. you give these women false sense of them doing right. bullshit. your rationalisation of an affair is a mere figment of your imagination. "You are going to get..........easy path to walk". maybe you should have some respect for the aunts here that have been destroyed by their husbands affairs. maybe you should have empathy for spouses that have been betrayed. instead of judging wives and blaming them. have you not learnt anything as the mistress. perhaps its time for you to have a reality check. what are you trying to do here...... give tips on how to get your married man? enough! you sound like a bitter mistress who actually did not get her married man in the end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I'm afriad in this situation it is out of your hands, he and his wife have to make a decision on how this should go forward.
He will have to decide whether he wants to try and work this out with his wife or leave her and be with you.
All you can do is be there for him and help him through this if you can.
I wish you luck because this is going to be very hard to sort out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I know you love him and so you don't think he deserved this, but he really does.
He hurt his entire familt and hid it for two years. He can't possibly be immediately forgiven. There must be some sort of painful process for him to go through, as his family will be suffering for ages. I am glad however, that someone finally told his wife what is going. That poor woman.
How unfortunate that his son was present for the pictures. That's really such a bad thing to happen.
All you two can do it suffer the consequences. You should've both been prepared for it when you started your affair, in all honesty. If you're going to make a bad decision, you need to know what follows it.
He'll get a divorce and have to slowly work on his relationship with his son. After two years of this, it's unforgiveable by his wife so good news is, he's officially all yours. I guess just be kind, patient, understanding of whatever moodswings he'll experience, offer him advice and encouragement.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 ouch...
you'll have to end this relationship he's got some hearts to mend i mean his son finding his dad kissing another woman?
that can't be good.
you'll just have to let him go to sort out what's going to happen now with the family situation and his wife and if he doesn't love his wife anymore then to leave her and choose to be with you.
but if he does love her and wants to make his family work he'll have to let you go and you'll have to respect his wishes/
understand this he's got ALOT to lose he's got a wife and a family...
you need to respect whichever descision he has decided to take you need to give him some time and space to clear the air and decide what it is he really wants whether it's you or his family and whatever choice he does make you do need to respect that.
i hope this helps :)
keep me updated.
x x x x x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I think it's disgusting what you've done and especially the way the guy in the problem consented. I have a feeling that if your job didn't call for you being away from home a lot, you would not have disgraced his family the way you did. As it happens, your job does call for you being away a lot and I have to give props to that photographer because if it wasn't for him, you would still be fucking a married man. If you haven't stopped now (shame on you, by the way!), I suggest doing so very soon. His wife and child(ren) deserve so much more than this dilemma.
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