A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm 21 dating a 32 year old man. I've had some reservations, fears and worries about this relationship but I really love him. We haven't been having sex for over a month because he has been having trouble getting it up. Recently, I had some problems with my mother so I've stopped spending as much time with him over the last 2 weeks. Today I came to the flat and found an empty packet of viagra on the floor. I have seen the packet before and there were 2 left. We've never used it, but I knew that it was there. We recently had a talk about being committed to each other and wanting to be serious, but I can't help the feeling that he is cheating on me - and I am being played. Am I overreacting? Is there another explanation other than what I suspect? How do I react to this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): I do think he has been cheating. I think your suspicions are correct. It sounds like he did not know you were coming to his flat, and so he would not have taken the pills to be with you. If you recently had the "commitment" talk this probably freaked him out (if he is a jerk) and may be why he is now sleeping around. I would confront him about it very seriously...and I wouldn't buy the first excuses he offers (which he will). I think if you have a long serious talk you might get the truth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): You say you're dating, then say you really love him. Exactly how long have you been together? Over what period of time has all this occurred?
If his problem is ED, cheating might be the last thing on the list you should be suspicious of. By the way, he's not going to take the viagra in-front of you!!!
A guy with ED knows better than to spread himself too thin.
Erectile dysfunction is unusual for someone his age; and he may have some physical or mental-impairments he will not share with you out of ego, male-pride, and stubbornness.
There is an eleven year age-gap, and he doesn't want to look like a sickly old-man to his trophy-girlfriend. Don't take offense to the terminology; not every guy his age gets the privilege of having a young lady your age. You're probably very pretty as well.
He may be under a lot of pressure from external sources; and his world is collapsing around him. Keeping up appearances and dealing with outside opinion takes its toll on couples. You're very young; so he probably feels he has to keep-up a youthful appearance, make a great income, and exhibit a certain image to keep you happy and interested. He may be having sudden financial-problems, issues with a boss or scornful ex; or viagra doesn't work for him. Like they say, results may vary; and it may not work for everyone.
Judging from your post, ED came on suddenly. There's something he's not telling you, and it's time to start asking questions. Cheating can't be ruled out entirely; but somehow I suspect that isn't it. Keeping up with your sexual-energy and stamina just might be more than he bargained for. He just might be a little older than he told you he is.
If he's into body-building, or doing heavy weight-training; he could be using steroids for mass and extra energy for
extended power-workouts. Just a thought; because it turned out to be the problem for a couple I know personally. Steroids can lower the sex-drive and cause erectile dysfunction. He could be trying too hard to look hot and chiseled; to impress you, and justify to onlookers he deserves someone as young as pretty as you may be.
A jealous, insecure, and suspicious girlfriend is also a turnoff. He might be having trouble dealing with your age-disparity. The two weeks you were away, maybe something unexpected happened. Not knowing a time-frame, it's really hard to get a handle on the order of events.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 February 2015):
 Maybe he had been trying the viagra and it didn't work. So you are at his flat and you haven't confronted about this yet? You should hear about what he says before reacting.
Cheating is bad whatever the reason. If he did cheat it's because he is insecure about his ed and he needs to feel appreciated by someone new, someone who doesn't know about his problem.
He could always defend himself saying the viagra was intended for you. He was trying it out, experimenting. An empty pack of viagra is suspicious but it's not concrete proof by itself. You can then say if he finds the need to cheat then you can't be the girlfriend for him.
Another explanation is that he has been trying viagra, and it didn't work. So next time ask him to take one 30 minutes before meeting you and see the effects. ED is a embarrassing thing to talk about and there is nothing worse than knowing that a world wide, trusted remedy didn't work for him. It's like his penis is dead. If this is the case, then he couldn't have carried out his plans to have sex with someone else. Even if he wanted to.
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