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female
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*utterflykys
writes: Am the only girl anymore who doesn't like to go down on a guy? I find it highly undesireable and very embarassing. My boyfriend of 6 months says it okay for him that I don't go down on him, but I know he would really like it if I did. How can I go about getting rid of my bad thoughts on oral sex, or can someone make me feel like I am not the only one left in the world who doesnt like to do it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): *shrug* i'm not too fond of the idea of going down on my guy. give it a try, and if you have and still don't feel comfortable with it, then dont. it's perfectly acceptable not to have oral sex. contrary to some people's belief, some guys are ok with their girlfriends not going down on them, because they care more about mutual enjoyment and the relationship than they do about the sex. yes, guys like that exist. rare, but they're out there.
maybe try reading up on how to do it. ivillage.com has some things on stuff like that, and im' sure there's thousands upon thousands of things on the internet elsewhere too. take your time, and don't let him pressure you into doing something you're not ready and comfortable doing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): As far as I am concerned it is perfectly normal to hate going down on a bloke. I have been with my partner 7 years and have only recently attempted it and I only do it for a minute.
He doesn't mind, he knows I have issues. Find other stuff to do and if you fancy giving it a go make sure you are entirely comfortable with the situation first. If he said he doesn't mind trust him. I would really like it if my husband bought me a diamond ring but I am happy to live without it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): If he feels like you hate his body and his penis he is eventually not going to be fine with it. On the other hand, if you arent into it and are bj victim he isnt going to want to do that to you either. No one like to help friends move but we all do it, because its something we are willing to give as part of the friendship. Samething here... you need to find a way to get into it to some level. Flavored oils? How about doing it underwater? Or when you are a little buzzed on shots. Or simulate it with your head nearby but you use your hand. Or use your hair.You get the idea. Work to the mutually agreeable. What is he doing for you- Nora Ephron movies? You take a "ITS MY BODY" body position and I dont see your relationship lasting. Guys dont need oral, but they do need to know their girl is into them. If 90% of his peers are getting it he needs a real solution or his mind will think "she thinks I am skanky" and "she doesnt value giving me pleasure".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): listen love, if you ont like giving oral, then dont. its your mouth not his. no-one can make you. take my advice and tough on your boyfriend but he aint getting it from you. sex shud be enough. at least you both get pleasure that way.
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A
male
reader, Imdyingslowly +, writes (8 November 2005):
my girlfriend of 6 months had no intention of having any kind of sex with me and it doesnt really bother me...she says she would never do oral in her lifetime...and i respect that...it would be nice if she did but she doesnt have to..and neither do you...its your decision..your body..
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A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (8 November 2005):
 Does he do it for you? That's usually how Mr Bunbury persuades me! Seriously though, don't try and force yourself into this as you'll end up thinking too much about the whole thing and putting yourself off even more.
Lots of women hate the idea of going down on a guy, but there are things you can do to help yourself. The key to this is to make it into something you actually want to do for your boyfriend, then it won't seem so awful. Now, your boyfriend has already told you he respects your feelings, which makes me think he's a nice person, and it sounds like you do want to try and change the way you feel, so you've already taken the hardest step, which is getting motivated.
Try and work out why it is that you hate the idea so much? For lots of people, it's just worry that they'll get it wrong, especially if they haven't done it much.
You should try and think of ways to make it less daunting. If it's the fact that he can see you doing it that is so embarrassing, start with the lights out. If it's that you have no idea what to do when you're down there, try visiting a site like cliterati.com - they have erotic stories aimed at women that go into a lot of detail, and you should be able to pick up some tips. You could even tell your man you've done this - he'll be thrilled that you're making such an effort, and might even offer you further advice from a personal perspective.
To finish, I just want to say that my advice is assuming that this is something you want to do and that you don't have any really deep-seated issues over this. If it's something that is going to upset you, don't do it. Your boyfriend sounds lovely, and I'm sure he'd rather have you happy than get a blow job off someone who's hating every second. Don't let this make you miserable or it'll end up becoming a much bigger problem than it really is.
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (8 November 2005):
don't do it if you don't feel comfortable with it. he's fine that you don't want to so i don't see a problem. if you would really like to do it for him, try it. if you don't enjoy it, tell him. he'll appreciate that you gave it a go and you want to make him happy but, in any relationship, you shouldn't be expected to do anything you're not happy with
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A
female
reader, pink_pixi +, writes (8 November 2005):
i had the same problem when i first strated dating. then i found if i got some body chocolate or body candy from the adult shop and put it on his penis, it made me like it.. and he liked it too
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): I never liked the thought of oral sex either, it was really hard for me to give him oral too. But even though he might like it, DONT do it until you feel comfortable doing it with him. In time, you'll feel better about it, and then it'll be better and more pleasurable for you both. Wait it out and see what happens.
Good Luck~
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