A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been asking me to give him oral sex for a little while, and I finally brought up the courage to do it for him the other day. It was spontaneous and romantic and everything I imagined it to be.Since then, He has asked me a couple of times about doing it again, at a time he knows it will happen. I said that I would like to keep it as something we only do rarely, on special occasions[birthdays, anniversary, christmas etc.] as we don't really have any other sexual acts that are a rarity. He doesn't expect it all the time, just every now and again. He doesn't understand my want to do this, and I was wondering if anyone else feels the same way as me [or as him].My reasoning is that I would like to have something special to look forwards to and that doesn't get over used to the point it is less intimate. His reasoning is that he doesn't understand the need to wait. It felt really good when I did it and now I seem to be witholding it from him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): I don't understand why you want to keep certain sexual acts as a rarity to commemorate special occasions. It's not like having dinner at a fancy restaurant on special occasions - that's because by default dinners on all other days of the year are monotonous.
if you're reserving some sexual acts for birthdays and holidays, you're saying that sex on all other days SHOULD be routine and monotonous. you can (and should) have moments of great ecstacy when the mood hits, not when it's marked on the calendar 6 months ahead of time.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Honey a BJ isn't going to be any less "special" if you do them more often.
I don't know about you but I think only doing certain things on certain days spoils the fun and spontaneity of a decent sex life. That is like saying let me pencil in sex on Wednesday from 7-7.20 - where is the passion?
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (22 February 2012):
 If you don't like preforming oral sex, then I say don't do it at all. Sex shouldn't be a chore, or something unpleasant.
If you like oral sex, give it and receive it often, because everyday you are together is a special day!
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 That's cute. BJs on Xmas and birthdays only ? Like the " good " silverware, or the fine china plates ? .. Maybe you can keep them for when you have company over ...
Pardon me, OP, I apologize, I could not resist, I know that you just want to keep things special and romantic, but, I am not sure you are going about it the right way...
Ideally , sex should always be abundant, free - flowing, spontaneous , and generous. It should be about giving and receiving pleasure by any mutually agreed upon mean, no holding back . Anything that turns you on should be integrated in your sex life,regardless of the day. I think you should not dole out special treats for any specific purpose, that's the way you train dogs, not the way you keep a lover.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 February 2012):
 HI
he will only resent them days if you hold back. And so would I if my partner said that to me.....
If you want something for special occassions like birthdays/christmas, why dont you suggest an new postion from the karma sutra book, or a different location? Or it could end up that he will have a fry-up at home and go elsewhere for his steak! If my partner did that to me I would find it controling, lack of love and respect, and probably tell him to go find someone else, and I would find someone who is not treating me like a child and with holding playtime . Its the best part of a relationship when you can both share your bodys uncondtionally, when you can do that with a partner their the one for you, lets hope he dont start doubting if your the one for him !!
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Why don't you make oral sex on YOU for special occasions? You are witholding something. A blow job is for the pleasure of the man, not the person performing it. Sure, the performer should enjoy themselves as well, but ultimately it is an act you do to please the man. Not yourself. As such, you are holding his pleasure hostage until "special occasions" where he is allowed to feel this pleasure and be taken care of.
If you want a sexual act to be special then choose one that concentrates on holding your own pleasure hostage, rather than his. Such as him going down on you should only happen on your birthday and Christmas.
Why should sex, something that is good, builds intimacy, something you give to your partner out of love and to show care for them, why should that be held prison until a special occasion? That's like saying you should only show love and care for each other on your birthday, and not any other day. You love him every day, don't you? Does love get used up and feel less special?
I vote you making another act than the blowjobs your "special thing" for birthdays and other occasions. Something that doesn't specifically target his pleasure.
Personally I think sex should always be spontaneous and never planned. If you want something "extra" then do it in a new location or buy new lingerie... But I don't see why sex should need any extras. Sex should be perfect and fine just the way it is, every day, and sex should be just as special during the week as on a birthday.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Me and my ex used to do oral on each other a lot~ many of the times we met up, and we never got bored of it, and likewise, it never lost intimacy. If you like doing it and get it reciprocated, then there's no reason why you can't do it more often and as other posters have said~ find something else to mark a special occasion with :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): I might be the only one around here but I actually like your idea. It doesn't sound like controlling or manipulation or limitation or anything. You are just adding spice to an otherwise ordinary sexual activity.
I hope your boyfriend understands. If he didn't, His loss!
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Sexual intimacy doesn't lose it's appeal. You can't "overdo" sex, any kind of sex. If you save oral sex for special occasions, you're basically telling him that he has to "earn" the right to have your mouth on his penis...what kind of message is that? That he has to purchase your intimacy? You're his girlfriend, not an escort, sweetheart!
Oral sex is a wonderful, intimate, and beautiful way of expressing your love and passion for him. I think that oral sex would be even better if it happened -every single time- I had intimate time with my husband, that's how much I love giving and receiving.
Sexual intimacy isn't like a nice steakhouse, which is kind of what you're comparing it to, metaphorically. Even if it's special, if you do it all the time, you get bored with it? No, sexual pleasure isn't -ever- boring, unless you're doing it wrong. It's a wonderful bonding tool and expression of love.
Don't "save" oral sex. Give it to him frequently and ask for it frequently, trust me, he'll appreciate the closeness you two share as long as you two have good sexual communication and openness.
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A
female
reader, zxcsdiana  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 If he's going down on you, there's no reason for you not to go down on him! Can't have your cake and eat it too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): My wife knows that I like BJ's just as much as sex. She usually does it (3-4 times per month) when she is not in the mood, but I am.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Rationing sexual favours like this for no good reason always ends up with built up resentment and anger. It won't feel special when you finally decide to do it, what it will feel like is controlling. Suppose he said, "not gonna tell you I love you, we need to keep that word for special occasions in case it gets used up".. why not choose kissing. No more kissing on the lips apart from birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries. Isn't it fair for him to withhold something that you like to do? Why choose something he likes for rationing. Women who use sex like this as reward or punishment cause men to feel emotional pain and rejection. Nope he won't understand you, but somewhere deep down inside he will feel you are playing a nasty game with him. Now don't get me wrong, I do understand your reasoning and what your trying to do. But your doing it in the wrong way and instead of getting closer you will grow further apart. When you offer him this "special" blow job, he will tell you to forget it, don't bother, it's not worth it, and that is not what you want.There is a way to create variety in sex after you seem to have done everything. Instead of stopping doing one sexual act (cruel and unnecessary) how about having sex free days agreed by both of you and done together. Once a year say, you and him pretend you've just met, you flirt, you go out, you have fun, you maybe kiss and cuddle, you do everything a new couple does, and just like a new couple, you don't have sex. That means flirting, or maybe telephone sex talk, making out, going dancing where you can't get intimate and then going home and going to sleep. You can do sex in the morning. This is what you do to make a special sex occasion, but not on Birthday's or Christmas, that's spoils them days and they deserve something else. Choose a Sunday in Summer (lovely for flirting) or a Wednesday in November (when life is grey and boring) or perhaps a couple of days after you've had good news or had success.He can play too. He can set the day in his mind, and then work out how to tempt you and drive you wild, but it's no sex time so you got to wait until the next day. Because it's special, you don't do it too often, and you do it when your happy and feeling sexy, not when your angry and want to hurt. It's as frustrating as hell, especially if you keep flirting and tempting and he does the same, there is lots of kissing in this type of game. Tell him you want to be his forbidden lady, the one he's not allowed to touch. Or he could be the guy you've always wanted to seduce but you know you'd be in trouble if you went to far.It's difficult to do witholding of sex in an attempt to make it even better if you don't know what your doing or your intentions are wrong, but yes it can be done successfully if it's done in the right way and he knows what's going on and he wants to join in.I actually feel you are both to young for this type of sex play. Sex shouldn't be getting to the point where you feel you've done everything there is. You haven't, sex is more than just technique, bend her, push that, stick this in here. Kissing, flirting and slow touches are part of the sex act, and a lot of people miss this part out.Anyway, explain why you want to introduce something new. Maybe pass my suggestion on to him and see what he thinks. Ask if he has any ideas to keep some excitement and surprise in sex. If you have some ideas and he also gets to tell you his ideas, your both working together and no one feels resentful because they are deprived of something they like.PS: You want to keep blow jobs special, well do them when you feel like or when you want to make him happy as part of your normal loving making. But when you want to make it extra special, either use something like ice-cream or water (very cold) or warm tea, alcohol (very hot) to give him another sensation.. most men hate it at first, until the sensation wears off, and then they love it. So warn him beforehand that this is the "special blowjob" you wanted to give him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): You should do whatever feels right to you but that special ocassion stuff is like u just being a tease towards him so alwa make him feel wanted no matter what.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (22 February 2012):
 As the (so far) solitary male respondent, let me say that I agree with the previous posts. After thinking about it a little bit, I agree with the "withholding" statement, as well as self-imposed limitations.
But, I'm forced to ask you thinking about this: is he reciprocating oral sex for you? Does he enjoy going down on you? Does he do it more frequently that you go down on him? IMO, I think that if he's not attempting to satisfy you orally, then I might be more inclined to agree with you because it seems that he's not acting in kind. Do you see what I mean here? If he's willing to orally satisfy you, but you aren't willing to reciprocate... well, love-making is a pure give & take play. Inequalities should be avoided, don't you think?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I"m with your boyfriend too.
in our house we say "sunday mornings are for blow jobs"
but we don't limit it to just then.
it's not something that I see as special... it's one of my favorite things to do for my guy....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I'm with your boyfriend. As long as you enjoy doing it, since he loves it, you should just go for it. I don't like the term "witholding" since it implies manipulation. All you're really doing though, is making him frustrated for no real reason. If it was because you didn't enjoy doing it, that would be totally different. But the special occasion thing, well it's a slippery slope to making sex in general a special occasion and romance a special occasion. I think this just kind of starts turning sexual favors into some form of payment in a way, and you don't want that.
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