A
female
age
36-40,
*opazapella
writes:I feel sexually frustrated because of my boyfriend's premature ejaculation problems. I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset about it because he's the one with the problem and I get that but now, after two years of this, I find myself bursting into tears at the end of our attempts to have sex. It's uncontrollable. Afterwards he acts all offended. The problem is, he won't try to help the situation.After I had my daughter we had all kinds of problems in that department, mostly because I had internal and external tears. I could barely sit never mind anything else. This led to a load of other problems and I was constantly in and out of the doctors for months because of it no matter how embarrassing I found it. He was impatient with me after less than a month of this, forcing himself on me when I was in a lot of pain. But I put up with it! After about six months when I finally started to heal properly, (although it was still uncomfortable for about a year after giving birth!)- This was when he started to have problems instead. We've tried all the basic stuff - exercises we found on the internet, special condoms, lubes etc... After much persuasion (we're talking another four months) he finally agrees to go to the doctors. They refer him to a physiatrist as physically there is "nothing wrong with him" and put him on some medication. He went to see the physiatrist once. The next appointment he "accidentally" missed and after a couple of months taking the medication, when it had just kicked in and was starting to work, he randomly decides to stop taking it because he doesn't like putting 'unnatural chemicals' into his body. Which I kind of get but that doesn't mean if a doctor offers you a solution you don't take it, right?That was last summer; he still hasn't been back to the doctors. And now I've started crying about it! It's awful and I feel so guilty but honestly, sometimes it feels like he just doesn't care! We've had a lot of problems over the last two years but this is something with a possible solution...It's not like he even lasts a minute anymore, literally he goes into me once and then barely has time to pull it out again before he comes. It has got to the point where I would rather not have sex than have that one thrust and then nothing. At the time of it happening, it almost feels physically painful, agonising, I just want to scream with the frustration of it all! It's just not enough, not close to enough...I wouldn't mind except I lost my virginity to him. I'd only been sexually active for six months before I got pregnant. Now I'm twenty-four, I have a two year old daughter and I'm in a loveless and sexless relationship...What's happened?I feel like I have to plod on because of my daughter, make it work. He has been doing his masters the last two years so we've had very little money and I kept telling myself "just keep going, things will be different when he gets a job". He has finished his course, got a temp job (it was only his second day today) and I feel like - how long should I keep going? How long am I going to wait for something that might never even happen (i.e. me falling back in love with him)? How long is it going to be before I look back and regret not moving on from him sooner, wasting my younger years feeling unhappy? I guess my real question is, is this all a case of my own sexual frustration and what would you suggest I do to curb it? At the risk of sounding incredibly immature, it all just feels crazily unfair...
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condom, ejaculation, immature, lost my virginity, money, sexually frustrated, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Topazapella +, writes (6 March 2012):
Topazapella is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much! It really helps to have someone agree with me about this :) Still not sure what I'll do but will bare in mind what you've said. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): I had a boyfriend who had Premature ejaculation for more than 2 years. I was extremely frustrated too! And the worst was he didn't want to get any help, exactly like urs he says no to "unnatural chemicals". I felt like I was wasting time on him and we could barely talk to each other without getting mad. Our sexless relationship didnt last, because I cheated on him and I left him. I feel so guilty and ashamed he was really a good guy. But today I find myself 10 times happier with my new boyfriend for 8 months now. I really understand ur situation, I want to say you don't need tO cheat on him, but he was really selfish not to think about your feelings and ignore the problem thats one of the biggest matters of relationship. If he won't communicate with you and look harder for the way out of this. You are just wasting your time then.
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A
female
reader, Topazapella +, writes (24 February 2012):
Topazapella is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor some reason he won't do this (masturbation) even though I've said, repetitively, that I don't mind. Thanks anyway.
Like I said in my post, he has been on medication before but then stopped taking it and now refuses to start again. As for the therapy, I've suggested it several times but he won't aggree to it!
I've been suffering from clinical depression for a long time (more than ten years) so I'm sure that has nothing to do with my daughter, I wasn't ever depressed after I had my daughter, it was the one time I can remember being truly happy. However I am depressed regarding this relationship. Saying that I'm not taking things out of perspective. My situation has been exactly as I've described it, the depression only makes me feel like its all my fault, because as you can imagine, even with depression out of the picture, it is a truly horrible situation to be in.
Thank you for your responses anyway, any further reassurances and advice would be welcome. xxx
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A
male
reader, scofy  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Let him masturbate 2 hrs before your sexual act.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Hi. He really should not have forced himself on you while you were recovering from giving birth. Sorry but that sounds dreadful.
Im not sure a guy like that deserves to be having sex with you at all.... but it is your relationship.
If you want this relationship to flourish, maybe you should both try counselling because it seems to be there are a lot of issues that need sorting out. You need to reconnect with each other if this is going to work.
As for premature ejaculation. He could ask his doctor for Viagra as that would maintain his erection after his orgasm or he could try masturbating an hour or so before having sex with you. That can help to slow things down.
Also it sounds as if you had a traumatic time following your daughters birth and your partner didnt help much! If you have felt unhappy about things pretty much since her birth, take care of you! Do pop to the doc for a chat and rule out post natal depression. It can rumble on for ages without you realising and make everything seem worse. So get checked for your own peace of mind. But I would definitely try some counselling too.
All the best and I hope things work out OK for you all.
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