A
female
age
41-50,
*irlicious
writes:Ok so I recently got in engaged to my boyfriend. But i am keeping ONE lie from him, which is that i have never given oral sex before, I have given it to one guy, but i told my soon to be husband that he is the first guy to get oral sex from me. Should i keep this a secret to myself, and is it really bad what i did? I was afraid he would judge me and not want me
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Look, you've got to tell him, otherwise this will bug you forever. You're scared that he will leave you? Well how shallow is he if he's willing to drop you at the smallest thing. Be honest with the man you're about the marry. How could you lie? The guilt will win.
A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 I don't think you need to tell him you have given another guy oral sex, it's a past relationship and is nothing to do with what you have with your fiance. I never told my husband about my sex life before him and vice versa, it just never came up for discussion. We may have discussed how many partners we had before each other but that would have been it at the most. As for him not wanting you? why would he judge you on something that happened before him? really it's not important, forget it and just enjoy your relationship now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): I don't think him not knowing is a problem, but the fact that you know there's a lie in the air can be a problem.
A lot depends on how important this thing would be to him if he did know. A lot of guys wouldn't care very much, but you sould like you think your BF might actually leave you over it or something.
With the past sexual things, usually 2/3rds of the problem is that the truth wasn't just being told the first time.
Speaking from a male viewpoint, it hurts a lot more to get your GF's innocence built up in your mind only to have the image broken. Compared to finding out now, it would rprobably have been a smaller deal to your BF if he had just heard the truth in the first place.
The other big aspect of this is HIS history. It can sometimes really burn a guy when he discovers that he's had much less sex with others than his GF already has.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): Don't tell him anything! This is a secret you must keep forever! Good luck to you, but never tell him anything!
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A
male
reader, jlove +, writes (17 April 2008):
 tell him. u have nothing to worry about. and on top of that, you'll feel better. if u keep it to yourself, its gonna bother u every time the subject is brought up. and i mean EVERYTIME. the hell with all the people that tell u to keep it to yourself. u posted it on this website so its obviously bothering you a lot. keeping it to yourself is just gonna make it worse sweetheart.ps: if he loves u, he'll get over it.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Since you told your fiance that he was first, then your honesty could someday be seriously questioned should you get into some kind of argument and you throw it back to him, or if your true "first" or someone else who knows it were ever to surface in some credible way. If you can truly keep it to yourself forever, with little or no likelihood of the truth surfacing otherwise, then it should probably remain your "dark" secret, but only because you have already said a falsehood. That is really why the truth is always the best option, because now you must either admit lying or maintain untruth ad infinitum. It's a good lesson in life.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 April 2008):
I probably woudlnt say anything if I was you. Why do you think he would judge you? Do you honestly think he would think something bad of you or is it just a irrational fear you have? If you honestly do think that he would think bad of you, if you had told him you had given oral sex to another guy before, then you may want to question your relationship. What sort of guy would judge a girl badly for doing that yet expect her to give it to him? Not a good man at all. Perhaps you could tell him, then find out what type of person he truly is. Yet then he might have all these doubts about you because you lied. So its kind of a tircky situation. I think you need to first figure out what you believe his reaction would be. Think with your head, not your heart. Would he really not want you? if you hoenstly feel this would be his reaction i think its important you tell him because that way you can find out if he is a judgemental person or not. If he would not be with you for a reason like that then there would be plenty of other small andstupid reasons he could leave you. you need to know this now. If however you think that maybe this is just an irrational fear you have then dont bring up the topic.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Hi there,
If you think he would judge you, then you should ask yourself why you are getting married to this man anyway?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 What good would it do to tell him that?
Would he compliment you and say you are a smart girl?
What would you expect his reactions to be?
More negative than positive.
Does he gain anything?
Do you have to show all your skeletons in your closet to him?
Lock those secrets up and throw the key away.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Don't say a word. It won't help at all.
From your post I conclude that you gave oral to your fiancé. Why on earth giving oral to someone else would make you bad, but giving it to him wouldn't, is beyond my comprehension. But such is life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): I think if it was a long time ago you should just keep it to yourself. But if you cheated on him and that's when the oral sex happened. Then its up to you and your heart to decide. But like I said if it was way before him then don't. Why would you wanna ruin something good that you already hve with something that happened along time ago. But that's just the way I think.
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