A
male
age
41-50,
*ceBlizzard
writes:i just reacently broken up with my girlfriend... we've been dating about 6 months and thing were for the most part pretty good. we had alot of fights up till the end but before we had alot of fun, which is all im looking for. i broke up because i feel i cant hang out with my friends and when i want to bring her she is really anti social.... last night we had a conversation and she really wants me back and i think i can get her to change alot of things that are upsetting me... i care alot about her and dont know what to do... so my queston is should i stay broke up or should i try to find another girl who might be better for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): If you have such a fear of committment then why do you want to string anyone along just yet. Be free and single and enjoy life without messing someone else's head up.
take care
x
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 April 2008):
If you have a fear of commitment then I dont think its a good idea you get back with her because what will happen is those feelings will come back again and then you will break the poor girls heart again just as you have done now and also as you did with your gf before her. I think you first need to work on your issue of commitment by yourself and figure out what is causing it and understand it, so you can do something about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): If the two of you can work through the differences and come to either an agreement or compromise that is satisfactory to each, then get back together. If you can't come to a mutual understanding, then it is time to move on.
What are your future goals? Want to get married and have kids? If so, then you may need to change your ways, meaning less time with your friends. For a relationship is about the two of you first and everything else after.
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A
male
reader, AceBlizzard +, writes (17 April 2008):
AceBlizzard is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think alot of ya'll missed the big picture. Her anti-social behavior isn't the big mess up in our relationship... Its my own being scared of commitment which is also the same exact reason i broke up with my last ex... I think the problem is just with me and not her.... I think IamLily is correct on asking about Creativity.. we seem to do the same stuff every weekend and it gets kinda redundant.... Well ive spent alot of time thinking and i think imma try to get back with her tommarow... thanks alot for all the advice and ill keep ya'll updated on how its going.... more suggestions would be well appreciated as well.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (17 April 2008):
You said "we had alot of fights up till the end but before we had alot of fun, WHICH IS ALL IM LOOKING FOR."
From that line it suggests to me that you dont want to be in a serious commited relationship. You just want 'fun'. Im not suggesting you are looking for just sex or anything like that, however what I feel from what you wrote from your post is you want everything good that comes with a relationship "the fun side", yet are prepared to deal with the bad side to a relationship, such as issues that come up and having to compromise and make some sacrifices such as spending less time with your friends so you can have a relationship with your gf.
Based on thinking that (and let me know if what i suggested was wrong) I would say you shoudlnt get back with your ex gf and perhaps you shoudlnt even consider going into another relationship at the moment as it seems to me you just dont want to or dont feel you can deal with all the things that come in a relationship.
I understand that it is hard to juggle having a gf and maintaining your friendships and it makes it even more difficult if your gf doesnt get along with your friends or is shy (or anti social) around them. If she wasnt anti social around them, then you could sort of get them altogether that way you can see her and your friends at the same time- it makes it a lot easier, although having said that its important to remmeber that you would still need quality alone time with your gf and with your guy mates too.
So if you are still considering geting back with her since you care about her, here is my advice in relation to making it work...
You mentioned thinking you can change what she is doing -being anti social. I think you need to take a deeper look at her being 'anti social'...I mean what is meant by that? If she shy? Or does she simply have no interest in socialising with your friends? If she has no interest at all then you cant change that. And if she is shy well honestlly YOU cant change that either. Overcoming being shy is something she has to be READY to do and its not something that she can be forced into doing. It is also something that will take time, and perhaps to long for you to be patient enough with. You have to understand that it wont happen over night so if you want her to change from being shy to socialising with your friends easily, then you have to be prepared to put up with some more nights of her being 'anti social' still to come. You have to ask yourself how long are you willing to wait for her to overcome her shyness? Are you only prepared to stick around for a certain period before giving up? IF so then I think you should call it quits now because it could be a long longroad and she may not ever make it, as some people never overcome this.
Have you actually talked to her about what bothered you in the relationship? have you told her that her it upsets you when she doesnt engage in conversations with your friends? how does she explain her behaviour?? i think you need to talk to her about that if you are still considering geting back with her. Ask her what its like for her in those situations. I know that with my ex bf I was exstremely shy around his group of all male friends and never knew what to say and always felt left out. As a result I was percieved as being anti social. However when my bf talked to me about it, and asked how it felt for me being in that situation he was able to understand what it was like and was able to make it easier for me- for example by him actually trying to help me into the conversaion.
You need to tell her waht you want from her, in detail. So for example dont just say 'i want you to stop being anti social'. Explain how you see her behaviour as anti social and explain what you want, for example 'when being around my frineds it would be nice if you could initiate conversations with one of them, i think it would also be nice if you could smile more because when you dont smile my friends feel as though you arent interested in being around them' Then ask her if she feels its something she can and wants to do.
Hope I didnt confuse you with all my rambling lol...and hope i have helped in some way :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): Maybe she is shy and dose not know your friends very well or lacks self confidance.That could be why she seems anti social. Or sometimes people just don't feel comfortable in crowds.You said you got in a lot of fights was this over you wanting to see your friends all the time and having no alone time with her? Don't get me wrong you don't ditch your friends but sometimes boyfriends and girlfriends need a little alone time. You are right about having her hang out with you and your friends.That's normal and a good idea so you and her can get to know each other better and hopfully all of you could become friends.Dose she have you hang out with her friends? It's up to you if you don't like how she acts in front of your friends and it bothers you that much maybe it is better you stay broken up. Or you could tell her how you feel and try to get her to open up more. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Single life and partnership life is different.
If you are in a partnership, you will have to respect and compromise with your partner.
If you can find the right partner, who can agree everything with you , then you are a very lucky guy.
If you want total freedom , better stay single.
Or just be friends.
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A
female
reader, IamLily  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Why Break up? If you two had good relations in past, it is sure that you share a similiar chemistry. It is easier to break than to make. The most important thing to maintain a relationship is CREATIVVITY. Are you folks doing creative things everyweek or just sticking to old stuff? If you can answer this, you will get your answer yourself!!Finally, do not be dominant or possessive! Like the below article says: Avoid Dominance and Possessiveness in relations:http://www.howtowin.in/free-books/how-to-win-heart-of-your-wife/chapter-17-avoid-dominance-and-possessiveness-in-married-life.htmlGood luck for new relationship.
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