A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a girl who was once divorced. I am single..i love her so much that i can't stay without her. I hid this fact from my family that she had an ex. I am planning to get married to her. But i feel sometimes that she gets sad when she looks at other couples. She loves me a lot as well but do you think she still feels for her ex? When we make love, she does not do much that i want her to do...she just want to get done with it. I agree that i have fantasies but who doesn't?...she does not let me do most of the things that i like while making love ..like licking and kissing her neck, her belly, thighs, legs etc...i don't know why?...she just wants to get done. do u think i am doing the right thing?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): So you are sexually incompatible and lying to your family about her. You also think she may not be over her ex. You go from those facts to wanting marriage. Sounds like a large leap to me. It's almost like you present marriage as a solution and are ignoring all the steps that lead up to getting married: dating a while, getting to know one another, trust, communication, building a solid foundation, involving family/friends.
Then you want to know if you are doing the right thing. That's like asking if you should build a house on a piece of property when you don't even have the money yet and are unemployed. First find a job, then start saving from each paycheck until you have enough for a downpayment. Translation: Keep getting to know her slowly, work on the sex thing, find out if you're compatible and then think about marriage. If she's not over her ex, the position is not available.
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 does she know u want to marry her? perhaps she feels sorrow and longing for something she desires. or she herself has a "fairytale" fantasy of what she wishes in a relationship. perhaps u might be misinterpreting that she just wants to have sex over and done with, but maybe she is preoccupied in her thoughts, or feels insecure with u, it sounds weird, i know, but she might be involuntarily pushing herself away from u because she is scared, nervous of things, or thinking negatively. while it sounds like work, u may need to reassure her and show her, tell her, let her "feel" ur love ur love and emotions when u try to make love to her. ask her what she wants, if she responds i dont know, then give her a little love nip at her neckline and tell her u know what she wants, and make the best love to her shes ever had. woo her. touch her, tease her sexually til she cant take it anylonger. talk to her, ask her what u can do to make her happier, make her feel that u are being sensitive to her inner needs. confirm her hopes and dreams, discuss what u both want bin life, the things u dream of doing and things u hope to have one day. grab a paper, and ask her, hey, i thought maybe one day, if we evr decided to build our dream home, what we would want in our home, so lets draw out a little blueprint of what wed like in our home. detail it, talk about what colour tiles ud like, cabinets, etc, furniture, be spontaneous with her, surprise her, keep her on her toes, in a good way. bring forth the best in ur relationship, show her u are being proactive, that ur thinking ahead. see what happens!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I don't quite know what you mean by doing the right thing. Do you mean wanting to marry her, or wanting to play out your desires?
Maybe she's just not into sex that much.
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