A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've posted in the cheating forum a lot but i feel this doesn't fulfill the requirements anymore. so here goes.i've gotten over the situation, but in brief, my boyfriend and i had been dating 8 months long distance (i was at school). talked every day, text messaged, anything. missed each other a lot. he would call me sometimes crying. but then the "inevitable" happened, he slept with a girl with a boyfriend whom he has since cut off contact with and he's even gotten a new job to steer clear. anyway, after he told me part of this, and i found the rest out, i dumped him. only talked once in a month. then i called him to come see me, we started to feel the situation out, got back together. i decided to forgive him. i did what everyone else thought i should do -- break up with him, that is -- and i couldnt bear with it. since it is my life i have to do what makes me happy, so i did. we were so very happy being with each other again. it was almost like we were closer, withheld nothing, he visited me on a pretty consistent basis even though he lived about an hour from where i was living. i found that sometimes big terrible events like this can bring you closer, and i am a believer of that.i've since moved back home and since i started school closer to home things have kind of changed. i'm not sure i've been NEEDY but all of my friends are at school and i have none at the current school i'm at. maybe i've been relying on him way more than i should be, for my sake and his. but i'm not BLAMING anything on myself, because i know there's plenty he could have done too.first of all, at the end of the summer i found a text or 2 on his phone to a girl i'd NEVER heard of, saying something quiiiiite inappropriate, but that he had a girlfriend so he couldnt/wouldnt and that he had to "go". so that kind of caught me offguard, since everything had been so great, and i was so sure that the cheating was a one time occurrence! after a long time discussion about the text, he informed me that she was a really inappropriate girl who doesnt care that he has a girlfriend at all and wouldnt stop texting him so he told her what she wanted to hear but then said he couldnt do whatever and that he had to go. which i believed cause thats the text that i saw. theres plenty of different ways he should have handled that but i tried to move on from it, seeing how he looked/felt when i confronted him in a rage. he was embarrassed. but anyway it's been about a month and i can't say that incident really helped me in any way, i think i started to subconsciously freak out.so a few weeks pass and i let him know i'm going back to the school that i started at, the one that was far away and the reason we were in a long distance relationship. i asked him to come with me. he freaked out, where would i live, what would i do, i'd only have you up there and i don't think i'm comfortable with that...etc. he wanted to discuss it closer to when i was leaving, so i figured i'd eventually be able to convince him.last week he seemed extremely withdrawn all of a sudden and i was scared. i asked him to call me one night and he didnt, he apologized because he was playing halo which is apparently a "very addicting" game, i believe he said it was like crack. so i was upset he didnt call me after my asking him, and it didnt make me feel any better of course.so friday night i got drunk and we had a long drawn out text message fight and ultimately a break up. he tried to call me in the beginning but i was at a bar. in the beginning he was saying things like "why wouldnt i care just because we didnt talk for a day? of COURSE i care! you always think that. i dont understand why you want to break up just cause of one day, there have been plenty of days we havent talked, etc"......i was the one pushing for the break up in the beginning cause i was hurt we hadnt spoken. then his side of the conversation did a complete 180, i told him his love for me seemed so on and off sometimes. and thats when he said "well then maybe we should end it, my love is so on and off and your love for me cant keep us together" so then he brought up how he feels inadequate and that he cant do anything right, that he wants to buy me things but he's broke since he quit his job and got this new one (UMM HELLO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CHEATED), and that the big issue is that im going back to school and we both know it wont work once i leave again, and that he doesn't want to live near my school nor does he think we can live together. he said he didnt want to do it this way but i couldnt have just waited until i was sober to talk about it, etc. he says he's kept these feelings inside because he never wanted to complain and he's sorry it came to this blow up of emotion.i know the second half of that conversation makes it seem pretty obvious that he has reasons for wanting to break up, but is that the be-all end-all? we havent talked since (EXCEPT my friend accidentally resent him one of the texts from that night, and he replied with "you showing her our conversation?" and i said no, haha and he didnt respond). so anyway otherwise no contact for almost 3 days now. i'm just not sure of anything. half of me wishes i could just get over it so that when he does decide it's time to talk, i can be strong enough to not comply. but the other part of me thinks this was just a fight and we just need a break and some time to cool off before we address the issues that we blew up about. VIA TEXT MESSAGE. it was 2 hours worth, as well. i just can't see him suddenly not caring, but i obviously knew something was up last week (but last weekend everything was perfectly fine). i just dont know, maybe me moving back to school is haunting him, esp since i've discussed how excited i am to go back to my friends. maybe i was drunk and forced the break up and how i was feeling on him so much that he just finally complied and agreed to the break up. i don't know how it sounds to outsiders but i'd like some opinions. thanks so much.
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a break, cheated on me, drunk, got back together, has a girlfriend, long distance, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 October 2007):
 You both need to take time to figure out who you are and what you really want. The two of you could film you're life together and sell it as a new soap.
You forgave him for the time he cheated, but I don't think you have fully resolved the pain of being deceived that you carry with you. Between that and the text messages the "bad" girl was sending. If I knew a girl, and knew she would do whatever, not respecting my relationship, the last thing I would do is give her my number.
You both need to figure out what it is you want, and if a chance is given to discuss it, do so without anger. Being angry is only a feeling and has no ability to accomplish.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (1 October 2007):
You are the problem. You'll never trust him, so I reccommend that you give up on him. Otherwise, both of you will continue to hurt each other.
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