A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my fiance a few years ago after a divorce. I was working at a tattoo studio and was "making up" for all the fun I missed out on in High School and College (I had "saved" myself for marriage). When we met, it was her intention to have a one night stand with me, and I just wanted to get laid. We had sex the night we met at a party, and we both later agreed it was the best we had ever had. We started seeing each other regularly for sex, and eventually realized we liked hanging out together too. Then we fell in love, and soon she moved in with me (she was living at her parents)She had a 3 year-old daughter, and I had always wanted to be a father, eventually, but this scared me to death. I had a chance to move away to my home state of California to pursue my dreams, and I told her that I wasn't ready to be a father and that I was leaving. Long story short she convinced me to stay and now 3 years later we have a home and a son of my own.It didn't take long before I found out what a meddling mom she had. She is always trying to control our lives, tell me how to raise the kids etc. She also pushes her religious beliefs on us, and has told my fiance to leave me and that I am trying to steal her and her granddaughter away. These numerous trials have put a lot of pressure on our relationship and we have almost split up because of it a few times. On top of that stress, we have our own relationship issues. I will be the first to admit the beginning of our relationship was based on sex, and lots of it. We did anything and everything our first year together. Nowadays, its a different story. Soon after the baby was born, she suggested that we have an open relationship. We had had threesomes in the past, but we had never messed with other people separately. Long story short, the open relationship lasted about 3 months, wherein she ended and said she wanted me to say no in the beginning and that since I allowed us to try it that she felt like trash. I am very open-minded and it was her idea. How was I supposed to know she was testing me? Now she seems disinterested in me sexually. She suddenly hates going down on me. She doesn't like to have sex either. She says it's good, but that she just isn't in the mood anymore. I feel like I am always trying to make her happy, but nothing is good enough. We have talked about it, and it seems that we are both trying really hard to make it work, but neither of us is happy either.I suggested counseling, but she refuses to go. I am overwhelmed right now with being a father and dealing with my soon-to-be maniac mother-in-law. We are having financial problems as well, and I feel that in the midst of the chaos we are losing each other. Honestly, I feel like we will never be happy again and that it wont work out, but I feel obligated to stay together for the kids' sake. What can I do to make this work? Should I stick it out for the kids' if I know we will never be happy?
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divorce, fell in love, fiance, in the mood, moved in, one night stand, split up, tattoo, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 Why dont you try and make it work. You have only selfish reasons for leaving. You just sound bored. You will do as you please but you have a responsibility to the child.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 October 2009):
She needs to attend counselling or at least open up to you, because this really won't work if she doesn't. I cannot tell you how damaging it will be to your children if you stay together because of them and nothing else. My parents did that, and I just ended up feeling guilty because they couldn't move on, and I felt I was the one in the way. I have overcome that (over 10 years) because I know it is their problem, but knowing your parents live together and don't love each other or care about each other is one of the worst things in the world and will have a terrible effect on them. I think she does love you, but she's as overwhelmed as you are. If it can be worked out, it will take a lot of talking between you. You need to make it clear to her that her mother in law cannot behave this way, and you need to tell her that you love her and want to make it work, but that unless she's able to open up and talk to you, you'll have to split because it will hugely damage your children. And you have to mean it. Children can be extremely perceptice, and no doubt her daughter ( who will be about 6?), will certainly be noticing problems between you. I wish you all the best.
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