A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for only 6 months and already we seem to be having problems. He says mean and hurtful things and when I confront him about it he acts as if there's nothing wrong. Some days he's the kindest, sweetest man I've ever met and others he's constantly critisizing me. I'm not perfect and I can admit that there is merit to some of his complaints but no matter how much effort I put into making changes when he has a legitimate complaint not only does it go unnoticed but he moves onto something else that I can't seem to do right. I'm getting to the point where he's got me so wore down with his constant complaints that I don't have any desire to have sex with him which is making things even worse since that seems to be the only time that he wants to show any kind of affection. I'm still very much in love with him and I don't want it to get to the point of divorce but I don't want to live like this either. How do I get him to see how much he's hurting me?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 get them out, stop giving money and live your own life. you have to make it clear to both families that you are a united front and when you tell them to get out or you dont have money DO IT TOGETHER as a unit. in time your marriage will become a new family and until you are free to do this both sides are holding you back...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth of our families are definately a BIG stress factor in our marriage. We are getting better about putting our foot down when it comes to how much we are willing to do for them but it's difficult when we have allowed our families to become so dependent on us before we got together. Now anytime we say no his family things it's all me and of course my family thinks it's all him. For the most part we have quit giving my family money and his brother just recently moved out. We still have his mom living with us but we have made it clear that although we would like her to stay close we need our space both as a newlyweds and as soon to be first time parents so she needs to find her own place. I hope making changes with our families will make things easier for us as a couple. I think they will but in the mean time it's a big strain on our relationship.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 oh my god' this is really a hard part of it. you two just starting your own family and then the rest of the family is there and borrowing money, i find it really stress. Oh. im so sorry about this, but can you try to speak to your husband if you two can get out of this situation? i mean you two are just starting. you two need a time to get to know more each other, to adjust on the situation, having a new baby, a bit health problem, living, money etc. you two really need a peace of time. I love my family too but they disturbed the peace between me and my husband and no matter how hard i try to explain they don't understand it and they don't want to understand it. The only thing i do is go far. Live very far away from them that they can not easily bother us. Maybe this could apply to you too. Anyway i really wish you a very good luck and have peace of mind. Be strong, i hope everything will be ok later, take it as a challenge.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (21 September 2010):
having his family stay with you is probably why he is going on about the cleaning- can he not do it at all? why are you're family trying to get money out of the two of you. it sounds like on both sides you are being put upon by both your families. maybe you need some space as a couple and not have people living on top of you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all I would like to thank everyone for answering. It's really nice to get some feed back from others who aren't emotionally invested in this relationship. I don't want my husband to seem like a monster because he's not. I love him very much and have no doubt that he loves me. It just seems like we can't seem to figure out the whole communication thing. He complains alot about things like the house not being clean enough and I agree with him on some of the stuff but at the same time I wish he could see my part of things. Not only am I 8 months pregnant with a history of heart problems but less than a month before I got pregnant I had a second major knee surgery and have since been told that I need a third so it's hard for me to be up and around alot. I just can't seem to get him to understand that I'm not trying to be lazy. Being pregnant on top of having heart problems makes me tired alot and I spend alot of time in pain because I can only take tylenol for my knee and before I got pregnant they had me taking dilaudid. I know alot of it is just the stress of not only being newly married with a baby on the way but we also have his family staying with us and my family calling every other day asking to borrow money. I just wish we could communicate better without taking our worries and frustrations on eachother.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 My ex became like this when I started working a lot. He then found company with someone else behind my back and I now see it was just a way to push me away because i couldn't make him the center of my universe anymore. He blamed me for his cheating saying that i didn't call or text him enough from work. I never thought he would ever cheat but i now recognize that mean behavior as a sign it was over. I'm not saying its over for you but some men are cowards and selfish and try to make you leave them so they look like the victim. I cought my ex cheating so he could complete that plan. Either way, he can't yell at you and berate you all the time. Stand up for your self. Standing up for yourself was something I used to suck at but I'm much more skilled now and much happier
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (20 September 2010):
marriage counselling- tell him that his endless tirades are breaking up the marriage. pure and simple. if things are upsetting you that much do something about it.
he needs to learn to not put you down for the sake of it. if he cannot do that maybe things will not work out.
if one person is always complaining about the other it is either one of two things
1, this person is a bully
or
2, they are unhappy with the situation and the marriage is a bad match
was he not like this before marriage? if not why the change in personality? and how long have you two been together?
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich +, writes (20 September 2010):
Normally it happen all the time to the newly wed. Consider it like you two are in the state of adjustment. Relax and let you two take time to get to know each other more in one roof.
When he is angry try to calm down, when he is ok try to speak to him about this problem. You two can work this out. Good luck.
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