A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a question, and i need your help.I am in love with a women that i flirted with over two yrs ago, and we never really had sex except once was ok, most of the time we were drunk and did not really rock any of our worlds and mostly because i was feeling guilty because i am married!She also has a boyfriend, since then we have become very close friends and we are very open with each other.As for me my marriage is at an end, my wife and i have made love only twice in last 2yrs, she is depressive and always complaining about one thing or another.Update! present day:When i am out with my friend at a networking function that we attend alot together, and when she has a few drinks , she will say loving things to me and when she is sober completely different.I finally told her that i was in love with her and not just for sexual reasons , i really love the women for her soul as much as her body.She only loves me as a friend, and not as anything else.Mean while every one of our friends , tell me that we look great together and that she really shows it in her eyes the way she looks at me.i am confused and want to show this woman that i want to love her for the rest of her life, please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers, but i don't think u get the full picture, this was an email i sent her the other day , and after is her response, please comment.History of us!1 Sexual Intimacy: This is hard to do even in type, but i want to be open so here goes.OK when we fooled around at the start, i guess i was an emotional wreck then also, but we couldn't wait to do it anywhere we could , and i don't think i lived up to your infatuation with me at the start.what i so wanted and still want to do is to please you sexually, i want to make you have uncontrollable organisms, a feeling of fulfillment and pleasure, you in a way that you have either never had before or the same as you had once before. if that ever happensNow in my life time experience, i never have been able to do that with a women ,1.after drinking too much alcohol, and 2 not having an emotional connection with you .which lets face it we did not have at the start. Now saying all that , i am no Wimp!but to know me is to love me! lolNow all this does not mean i cant have a sexual relationship with a woman i just met, because i have had great spontaneity in the past, but they have all been in a sober and confidante state. 2. Emotional connection between yoy and meWe have a very strong emotional connection between us, that makes us care a lot about each other more so than i ever could imagine and i think you too, and i like that, i like listening to you and when you have problems i like to think i can help you even by just listening,and i like telling you my problems too and you being their for me, and i don't want to fix you ! to me you are not broken, just perfect.I cant find enough words in my head or in a dictionary that can explain my love for you as a person, and what a pleasure it was to meet first and become the best friends that we are now!i know my meaning and yours are different on certain things,but hell women are from Venus and we are from Mars!3. Reason why i feel so Strong about you and about us in general.sweetheart, things that we have done in the past i think has changed your view , from the excitement of been in my company to friendship now only which is understandably your only comfort zone with me at the moment.When you told me today that you don't feel anything romantically for me , that is hard to take and normally i would leave it at that and respect your decision and in fact that is what i will be doing in the future as i care for our friendship too much to lose it.Here are some of the reasons i think i get confused about how you feel about me, please bear with it for now.1. All the things that our friends say about us when we are out, and how they think we are so together with each otherAnd the other night when we were in the bar and i was chatting to those girls, xxxxx made a comment to me that you had a jealous look on your face, to which i laughed and told her that we were just great friends and her reply was that she knows what a look is and who was i kidding! (now don't read into this this was only her opinion)The night we kissed in the cab, and i know we were drunk ( not blaming you it was me too) and it does not matter, but it was the love that was in the kiss more than the kiss its self. and i enjoyed that closeness that we share when that happens, and i am not ashamed to tell you either.lastly, the other night in the xxxxx! when you told me that i couldn't handle you and your issues, I can handle more than you think Woman!2, Obviously the way i feel about you from my heart, and i always pride myself on reading people and making good decisions and judgment calls , i think you had something on your fb page one time about "a guy should love a woman a millions time rather than love a million women" or something like that.This is what i would love to do for you every day for the rest of your life, no limitations, just respect , love , care , laugh, cry etc.In Closing:xxxx, i adore you , you are a great person, with a beautiful heart and mind, i don't how i ended up like this, but i am here and i am here for youin life an love and if thats friendship i will live with it, but i will always fight it too, cause that just me.On the boredom issue you say you get after awhile, guess what? i have that too, but not with you.I have purposely not mentioned our current situations at the moment , cause i don't think they have any relevance to this email right now, but i know they are there and have to be dealt with .xxxx, i hope this makes some sense to you , cause i am trying to come to terms with my feelings in general, but just note that if u ever want to take a chance , it could be the greatest adventure you have ever taken.For ever yours me xoxo.her ReplyHi Hun.....wow what a novel of feelings. That means a lot to me that you would take the time out to write exactly how you feel. I didnt get mad but i was happy, sad and smiled - and thank you for loving me so much. From reading this and already knowing how you feel - I truly from the bottom of my heart wish i felt differently and i am sorry for that. The feelings you wrote, most women only wish they had a guy to care for them that much.I love our friendship so much, weather we are confiding in eachother or just talking about every day stuff and i dont want to imagine that not being there anymore but if it ever got too much for you I would have to accept it. As far as the jealous look, maybe it was but nothing to be read into....friends can be jealous of friends too.(this part i showed her our zodiac signs)As for the horoscopes, its pretty freaky - so true for you as a person and me. And yes i definitely feel the combo is why we have that wierd chemisrty, we love eachothers company and try to encourage eachother. I'm sorry im not writing the words you are looking for but know in your heart that I adore you as a person and truly cherish our friendship.Love always,xxxx
A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 sort out your life first, either end the marriage, or salvage it.
if you move on this woman may change her mind, but don't count on it or you may get hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Ok well first things first...you need to address your marriage. When you married her, you committed to honoring her and engaging in extramarital affairs isn't exactly honorable. So respect your wife enough to end things peacefully.
Secondly, it's pretty clear that your friend/mistress is not interested in a relationship. Yes...it's true, some women simply just like the sex. If she said you are just a friend to her...than that's ALL you are. Not to mention the fact that she has a boyfriend. I know it's probably not what you'd like to hear, but I think your situation is only going to get worse if you continue.
One unfaithful individual plus a second unfaithful individual does not usually equal a successful relationship. Your best bet is to talk to your wife about your outside relationship, drop the mistress, and decide how best to go from there. Best of Luck!
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