A
female
age
41-50,
*ean7
writes:helloif anyone can help me i more than appreciate it.I have a boyfriend for the last 6 and half years. We've had our ups and downs and its been on and off lots of times. 2 months ago we decided to finish our relationship. I ended up joining an online dating site and managed to meet a guy who i adore. We chat about everything most nights, we send nice texts to eachother, speak on the phone and are also friends on my space.The only problem is, i got back with my ex 3 weeks after being on the dating site and continued chatting to this man. We are soppose to meet in 8 weeks time, i really dont know what to do. Should i end my relationship with my boyfriend? I am lying to 2 men and feel horrible. My online guy thinks im single and my boyfriend knows nothing about online guy. Im so confused. We are in our 30's, he lives in south uk and i live in Glasgow, i also have a 9 year old daughter (from a previous realtionship) so relocating would not be an option for me. Am i reading too much into this online realationship?He has said he is very interested in me and always compliments me but should be friends first and see where it may leaad.I feel so guilty but i cant stop thinking about himthankyou for any replies
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): You really need to decide what you want, and as for people suggesting that neither men need to know, is beyond me, but of late, nothing surprises me on DC.
If it was a guy writing this, and said he had got back with his ex ( regardless of the ups and downs, the facts are he got back with her ) and he was planning on seeing some female living in the South, whilst getting in to bed with his gf - FEMALES would be calling the guy all the names under the sun, a cheat, two-timing etc..etc..So WHY should it be different as you're female.
You are using your OLD boyfriend of many years as an insurance policy, it really doesn't matter it has been on and off, you are an adult, 30-35. FACT: You have willingly agreed to get back again with your boyfriend. Therefore there is no excuse now NOT to focus on this relationship and attempt to make it work. IF you don't love him, and can't see it working ( as it hasn't until now) then do the honest and only admirable choice, and LET HIM GO.
There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship if it's not working, but it's another thing to be knowingly keeping it going whilst attempting to start another.
You have not even met this guy online, he could be totally different in real life ( HIGHLY POSSIBLE) Everyone, male and female can be sweet, nice, complimentary, thinking they have such a connection online, profiles and photos are usually NOT accurate, ONE in every FOUR males online are married. Real chemistry, when one meets, is not the same as we're using all our senses, and 9/10 and it vanishes as quickly as you blink. I am a full time dating and relationship consultant( 10 years) and have seen, researched and witnessed people getting so involved with someone via the internet, only to be thoroughly let down by the real meeting and left emotionally drained as they became so involved as though it were real. Plus he lives in South, meeting for a drink would not exactly be easy, in fact a major plan - YES I'm realistic and logical.
Whether the online guy is right for you or not, there is ONE aspect I can assure you, CHEATING will not be seen as an attractive quality by either, or any man in the future, and that is what you are doing, as you are with someone.
Cheating, or any other form of deceiving someone we are going out with, should never be encouraged..Sorry!
For your own peace of mind, you need to decide if you want to be SINGLE and therefore do exactly what you want, when you want without affecting the outcome of someone else's life.( in this case the guy who thinks he's with you, your bf) or work at this relationship.
Jilly
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 You're right that you're thinking too far ahead. Take it slowly. No need to rush. LDR's are very difficult but technology works to your advantage. See how all those good qualities you listed work out in reality. Think about the logistics of the rest later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): thanks so much for your replies guys,
to answer the question, 'can i be in a LDR and see him when permitted'? I really dont know.It would mean flights to see each other etc... Ive never had a ldr before, i would be willing to for a while i think but eventually would have to live with and settle down with someone as a family and that would mean him move to where i am, arrhh..the confusion. I may be thinking way too much ahead but i have to be logical as i am not on my own hear, i have a daughter to think bout.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 First off these men don't need to know about each other, but you do need to decide asap who you want.
The ex:
-you guys have been on and off for the last 6 1/2 years. I agree with Dirtball that's a never ending cycle. You guys make up to break up.
The online guy:
-sweet, nice, never met him, and you can't relocate because that's not ideal for your daughter. But are you capable of being in a LDR and seeing him when permitted?
I say end it with the ex, after 6 1/2 years enough is enough. You two just can't hack it as a couple anymore. Stick with this online guy and see where it could take you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 November 2010):
Ups and downs, on and off, these are warning signs of things to come. Your relationship with you BF isn't going to work. You speak very highly of the online guy, so I would suggest ending things for good with you on again/off again BF and trying things with the online one.
You have a long history with your BF, so that's an allure. It's known. It's comfortable, but that's not good enough for a real relationship. If you felt the need to break it off, then that's what you should focus on.
Who knows if it will work with the online guy? I do know it won't work with your BF. That will end again. End that cycle.
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