A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for the past 20 years. I had many sexual relationships before marriage. My husband is obsessed with my past, wanting to know every detail. He like wise has a past, so i don't see what the big deal is. These questions are often asked during intimate times, which i find offputting. How do i get past this one? I feel that i am too old for this nonsence and have relayed that to him, but it has not made any difference. Any suggestions on this one? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, reflections2466  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Anonymous.
Men are generally less in touch with their emotional psyche. It would appear your husband is still very in-secure with regard to the affair you had, and the fact that it was purely sexual on your part. He feels because his wife had to seek solace else-where with another man, he! was not satisfying her in the marital bed. He still has not fully recovered from this, and in reality, regrets he did the same. He believes, in his male sexual mind, that this other man was able to make love to his wife and satisfy her more than he ever could, hence the continuous comparing with himself sexually, and/or the other person. On his part,it was not the other woman he was unconsciously satisfying, or making love to, it was the missing! you! Coupled with other external issues in your relationship, you where both, almost lured into the arms of a person who gave you both back what was missing in your own life..Communicate more with each other, it takes time & a huge amount of emotional effort to regain the trust & loyalty back..with men it's more physical emotion,.were as with woman, its more psychological emotion. Hope this helps.
Regards
Reflections.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Thanks for answers to question. Yes, he has always been obsessed with my past right from the start. I did have a sexual affair 10 years into our marriage over a shor period but ended it, did not reveal it until i realized he was doing the same thing recently and confronted him, when he admitted it i came out with my infidelity. At that stage he had not engaged in sex so he says. He then admitted that it went onto a sexual thing to punish me. I don't see that, that have caused him to keep bringing up the past, as it is mostly stuff that i did before marriage that he wants to know about and in every detail possible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Some men dont want to know...either because they are wise enough to know that this information is not beneficial, or they don't have insecurities.Some men want to know because they are incredibly insecure or cannot relate to people well and cannot accept that sex is a normal activity shared by people.Some men, like to know because they like to feel they understand the person they're with and accept the other persons sexuality better by KNOWING than not knowing.I personally fit into this last category. I have mild insecurities, but mostly, I just want to know a person fully if I choose to have a committed relationship with them. I hate the "not knowing" more than knowing. So I ask the questions.That all said, it is unusual that he is asking 20 years into a relationship. I would think that by this time, he would have all the answers he needs. If something has changed in teh relationship, it is good to understand WHY.
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