A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, thanks for taking time to reading my question and looking forward to your answers.I posted a few weeks ago about a guy who I met online. I felt we had a good thing going but he dissapeared on me after two weeks of chatting. Just went quiet after saying he'll be travelling and won't be able to email me as often. There's a big difference between "not email as often" and dead silence for a month.For those who think they may have read my other post you would know I haven't met the guy in person yet but was planning to meet for coffee before he played the vanishing magician with me. Now about a month later I find an email from him saying he's sorry and practically begging for me to give me a chance to explain his absense. He gave me his number and said I should call him or text him my number so we can talk.I'm left undecisive after this email. A month feels like a year online. To me he ignored me for too long and made me feel rejected. I got over the 'hurt' feeling and forgot about him. I really don't need someone who is not going to concider my feelings.On the other hand I think we could have something great together (even if it never progress further then a friendship) because I think are two minds that think alike and I enjoyed our coversations. What do I do? I don't want to ask my friends because they think little of online relationships and find it desperate. Looking forward to your replies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Anon 4, I'll learn from your mistake ;-)
Thanks for replying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Cupid is posting you guys responses at it his or her own sweet time causing me to miss some but anyhoo...
Hi Miss So Overit, liked your reply :-) however...I've already acted impulsively and I'm so over it (pun intended).
And in no way did I think it was a relationship but it seemed to have the potential to maybe eventually be one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Anon #3, thanks for your answer. Taking a big part of my life...No. Desperate...No. And my life is pretty fine. I'm just trying to understand and gain perspective of situation that has left wondering. By the way, most friendships and/or relationships start with meeting a stranger.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I had a similar experience, but I had actually met the guy and were in a "LDRelationship." After a while he would stop writing for weeks, come back with an excuse (and stupidly I would forgive him), disappear for weeks, comeback, and so on. One day he decided to stop writing all together, and thankfully I didn't mind by then. Guess I was just a time filler for him. Now I'm thinking back and wondering why did I put up with him!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: He's a liar! I'm moving on....Next!
Thanks for your responses :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both Anonymous' for replying.
@ Anon 1, lol....the funny thing is that none of my friends are actually married or in long term relationships. We're all career driven and relationships are not a high priority right now. Me being 30 am the oldest in group...the 2nd oldest is 26.
I chose to be single for 3 years and I'm just trying to get back into the dating game (I think subconsiosly my mind is telling me the clock is ticking). I figured the internet was the easiest way back in, hence the online thingy. But silly me went to connect with the first guy that came along and he seemed genuine.
@ Anon 2, I'm favoring your answer the most right now. To me it makes logical sense. First hear his reason and then draw a conclusion from there. Maybe he has a valid reason. It seem fair...we women have a 6th sense called intuition and unless he's a pretty damn good liar...my gut feeling will tell me if he's honest.
See, that's why I needed to come on Dear Cupid, to make me start thinking reasonabily.
But keep the answers coming, I might gain another perspective.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both Anonymous' for replying.@ Anon 1, lol....the funny thing is that none of my friends are actually married or in long term relationships. We're all career driven and relationships are not a high priority right now. Me being 30 am the oldest in group...the 2nd oldest is 26. I chose to be single for 3 years and I'm just trying to get back into the dating game (I think subconsiosly my mind is telling me the clock is ticking). I figured the internet was the easiest way back in, hence the online thingy. But silly me went to connect with the first guy that came along and he seemed genuine.@ Anon 2, I'm favoring your answer the most right now. To me it makes logical sense. First hear his reason and then draw a conclusion from there. Maybe he has a valid reason. It seem fair...we women have a 6th sense called intuition and unless he's a pretty damn good liar...my gut feeling will tell me if he's honest. See, that's why I needed to come on Dear Cupid, to make me start thinking reasonabily.But keep the answers coming, I might gain another perspective.
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reader, MISS SO OVERIT  +, writes (8 October 2010):
From Miss So Overit,I bet you're an intelligent person in everything you do, except where men are concerned, but you're wrong...Making a connection on line for a couple weeks does not make a relatonship. Your gut is telling you something's not right, so listen to it. You are a sweet and loving woman and want to feel a connection with a man before any intimacy and unfortunately there are men out there that will make you "think" there's something there when it's just to get you to pay attention to "them" or have easy sex.So here's my advise. Write and tell him you had thought there was a connection but need time to think and you'll get back to him (but don't tell him when). Then mark a date 3 weeks from now that you'll write back. And DO NOT respond or contact him until then.I guarantee you this will work for you in many ways. One you're giving yourself time to make a "decision" which shows YOURSELF respect. Second, you're showing HIM you won't act on impulse (which is driven by emotion and need) and believe it or not, men like that. And lastly, by the time you get to the three week mark you'll see that you really were acting on impulse and that you don't want to be with a man who ducks out on you.Good luck :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Examine why a stranger has taken a big part in your life. Deal with making your life better. It looks very much like desperation has blinded you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): He could explain his absence by email instead of your talking to him. Then you have time to think about it and are not allowing him any closer. May be worth a try. It could of course be too personal to put in an email. Give him the benefit of the doubt but don't let him any closer unless and until you find he is genuine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindyCares, thanks for answering. Quite an interesting observation about the situation and you are spot on about what I'm thinking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): There is nothing wrong with meeting people from the internet - I imagine your friends are happily married so they do not know how it feels to be lonely.
I have had this done to me a few times and you get used to it...I would not take a guy seriously until I had actually met with him. This internet is a minefield of men and women who use people and think they can come and go into people's lives.
If I were you I would not bother with him as he could do it again. There are plenty of sharks but plenty of nice fish out there in cyber world and yours for the taking lol. Don't let this man back in - if he can disappear for a month without a thought for your feelings then he is not worth your time. At the end of the day...it is your choice.
Good luck
x
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 I don't think your minds think alike.
You think that putting on a vanishing act for 30 days then resurfacing at his convenience as if nothing happened is rude , inconsiderate and selfish .(Btw I think it too )
He ( probably ) thinks it's no big deal because you are not dating or commmitted yet and even if it is a big deal to you, hey whatever- like it or lump it.
This is an apparently small episode that though it would make me very wary about giving him a second chance, because it shows you have different ideas and expectations about your interaction.
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