A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi peoplei need advice and insight as to what's been going on between me and this lovely and sweet, caring girl i met a few months ago playing video games...LONG STORY SHORT. she's 18. met her online but never met in person but plan on doing so later this year. problem: how confusing she is. she was really shy @ first. opened her up. been very close since then. i really love her. great girl. beautiful inside and out. got her to show her kinky side. we've done sexual things on webcam/facetime multiple times. she's sent me nude pictures. other "problem": SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. some time in january, things got really sexual on facetime, moreso than ever. she was really turned on. then a day or two later, she started being irritable w/ me! since then, it's been up and down! she's told me a few times that she wasn't going to cheat on her boyfriend anymore but then we facetimed that one time in january and she felt really really guilty about it, hence the irritability. yet every now and then, she still sends me very provocative pictures of her and talks sexually to me! most recently, earlier this week!! why does she tell me she doesn't want to cheat and she wants to be faithful, then gets all horny on me, does really kinky things, sends me nudies, and then gets all upset and makes me feel guilty about it??!! who's to blame?? i know she has a boyfriend but if she's being all seductive and sexual towards me, i'm not gonna just sit there and do nothing just b/c she has a boyfriend. i'm really into her so i can't do that. and she's not the slutty type. i might be making it seem that way but she's not. she's the shy @ first until you get to know her type, that's really sweet, caring, cute, and loving but also very very kinky when the time is right. so what should i do?? she confuses me. she says she likes me, that she has a crush on me. she says that she loves me. she says that if she were single, i'd be her boyfriend but when she's irritated, she says and makes me feel that she only likes me as a friend. i'm guessing she says that b/c she's irritated so she doesn't mean it?? i'm really sorry for how poorly constructed this is and how all over the place i am but i feel overwhelmed and confused right now!your insight and advice would be much much appreciated!
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female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (5 February 2013):
When my relationship to my first boyfriend was collapsing at a similar age, I began seeking attention from a guy I liked online (and also playing video games). I had always been described as sweet and shy, and regret my decisions to this day -- two years later:
The relationship was very dysfunctional. We had been together 3 years, and I had tried to end it multiple times due to the escalating abuse and lies. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what was going on. By the end of the relationship I came up with a plan to hurt my boyfriend's feelings so he would want to break up with me and find someone else. I felt trapped, so immersed myself in video games and also began trying to seek guys out online to date while also seeking counseling. I wanted out, but had no idea what I was doing. I found a guy who I began webcamming with, and developed feelings for, which led to a similar situation. While my relationship with my boyfriend together was on-and-off (as was the webcamming accordingly) and I recognized my actions as "karma" at the time, the guilt of what I did follows me to this day. I can say that I would never even flirt (much less cheat) since what happened. Yes, my boyfriend had been abusive and I had forgiven him for lies repeatedly for over a year -- but what I did broke his heart. I still cringe thinking about his face when he found out. I had never hurt someone like that, and never want to ever again.
I would ask her about why she is acting this way when she has a boyfriend.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): You are how you are because of the situation you have put yourself in. Girl cheating on her boyfriend over the web cam with a guy who doesn't seem real smart at reading the signs? How would you like it if you were this girls boyfriend and you found out what she was doing? What comes around goes around..............
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (2 February 2013):
 A truly shy, conservative, 'unslutty' girl would not have sexual encounters over a webcam... She would not send nude photos to a guy she has never met. She would not cheat on her boyfriend. You are thinking she is something she is not, she is far from a shy nice girl. I have done the online relationship through video games before. I've done the webcam and a 'relationship' but I never sent anything nude or did anything sexual on camera. I know shy nice girls because I am one.
My question is what is your end game here, what do you want from this thing with her? Are you looking for a long distance committed relationship with her? Or are you just enjoying the sex/pictures but would take a real life girl in a heart beat if one became available?
If you are looking for a relationship with her you are a fool. She is clearly a cheat and would do the same crap to you that she is doing to her boyfriend, only worse because it's long distance and she could get away with even more. And that's only if she left her current boyfriend, which I don't see happening. If you are only interested in the sexy pics etc then what's the problem here? The fact that she has become irritable? Nude pictures don't seem worth the emotional turmoil and irritability in my opinion but it's up to you. I think you will get very tired of this.
It seems to me that you arent thinking logically. What you should do is leave her alone. She's a cheat, she's emotionally unstable, she's no one to have a relationship with because of long distance and she's an awful girlfriend. There's no long term possibility of anything here so it's really just a waste of time when you could be meeting a girl in person or at least a girl with relationship potential. Online is very different than real life and its really all fantasy and excitement. People will almost always prefer someone in person and use the internet as a means for excitement or escape, then they will return to reality with the partner who can actually be with them physically. This is what she is doing. So either you want to be used in exchange for nudie pictures and irritability/guilt trips or you want a relationship and you move on.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Gimme a break pal. This girl is projecting her insecurities onto u about her committment. How can you trust a woman who is cheating on her bf with YOU? You can't man, you can't. Break it off.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (2 February 2013):
This girl is a cheat. If she really wanted to be with you she’d have the decency to be honest with her boyfriend and leave him. What do you expect people to say about you? “I know she has a boyfriend but if she's being all seductive and
sexual towards me, I'm not gonna just sit there and do nothing just b/c she has a boyfriend. I’m really into her so I can't do that.”
Well in that case you’re carrying on a sexual relationship over the internet with a cheat, and you’re allowing yourself to be the person who she cheats with. It’s hypocritical of her to make you feel guilty, but you shouldn’t feel guilty because she gets upset, but because you and her are both cheating on this unsuspecting boyfriend of hers. Why can’t you just control yourself and do nothing? However seductive she may be, you can always not go on-line to her or agree to these webcam encounters. You think you’ve met a sweet, shy girl. You’ve in fact met a shameless cheat, open your eyes! Have some more self-respect and end this now.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): I'm a girl going through similar emotions with a guy I met playing black ops! Lol I'm really into him but I have a boyfriend, we flirt but no nudies or anything like that because I am actually faithful to my partner, the difference is though I'm trapped in a controlling relationship and I'm Not in love with him anymore, If push came to shove and this guy wanted to make things 'real' I'd probably run a mile because I'm to scared to take that leap of faith... In her case though I don't know I think she could be just using you to be honest and gets angry and irritable because she feels guilty for doing wrong to her boyfriendIf she genuinely cared for you she wouldn't give away the goods online, she'd make you prove your worth and work for them.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Hi
She isn't a lovely sweet caring girl, she has a boyfriend and spends her free time teasing you.
She is very lucky your decent and haven't plastered her photos around the Net or let your mates see her webcam efforts.
Personally I think it's time to get her out of your life and get off the PC.She has a lad she can have sex with,go to bed with,spend time with,she is merely messing with your head.Your addicted to her and you haven't even met.
Unless she dumps her boyfriend and moves to be near you, whats the point in all this,it just leaves you confused and single.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Online is very different to real life. Maybe she can do these things behind her boyfriends back because you aren't there in person so it doesn't feel as bad as 'really cheating'.
I don't really understand doing all this sexual stuff online when you have never met, she sounds young and vulnerable and this could be something she lives to regret. I'm not saying its your fault at all I'm just not sure it's a healthy thing for her to do. The right thing for you to do would be to go back to being friends and cut the sexual stuff. For her sake.
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