A
male
age
30-35,
*nickx
writes:Ok so i need some quick advice. Bad.I've had a rough time with relationships. Out of the 3 ive been in, ive been cheated on 3 times. Ive finally found an amazing girl, we've been talking since this past friday, so not so long. But we both think we like each other. we spend hours a day texting. I called her for the first time tonight, and just talking to her made me so happy, and she said she felt the same way. She asked me to come to her youth group with her this weds. I happily said yeah, and then asked my dad, who has always been fair about things. I was slightly surprised he said no. So i asked him what we could do this weekend. He said nothing, he doesnt want me to see her. I was very shocked.He always assumes the worst. he said because he doesnt know her, he knows how girls are and he thinks im going to do something stupid and get her pregnant. Either that or how does he know that she's really who she says and shes not going to kill me. Now i know hes had a tough time too. My mom put him through horrible stuff, and his kids are all he has left. But isnt he being a bit absurd? How does he expect me to get to knwo her or him for that matter to get to know her if he doesnt let us see each other.And its not like i didnt handle it maturely. Yes i begged at first, but i have never connected with someone like this. I suggested then i go in a group with my friends and her friends. Surely then we'd be safe? but he shot that idea down too.Sure, she lives out of my school district (both of us are 16, both of us get our drivers licenses next week), but my first girlfriend lived in the next county away, i met her at a party, and he was fine with it, which if you ask me is a larger risk than this? NOt to mention she lived farther away.Im sorry im just crushed right now... One thing finally goes right in my life, one thing finally makes me happy (not much does) and he wont even let me reason with him for it. if anyone can maybe try to elaborate on what his reasoning is or give me some other idea to prove to him that i will be fine with her.Please and Thank YouNick
View related questions:
crush, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (18 November 2009):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the question grubbyduckling-actually it wasnt an online dating thing, i met her through a friend that my dad doesnt think too highly of. He knows her through his youth group.And i understand he's not ignorant, its just i dont understand this. And i know hes not perfect as well and has made mistakes.I thought about your next thing, but she doesnt get along with her dad very well (much as i dont get along with my mom, so i think thats one of the reasons we've clicked. We understand life, and dont take anything for granted) and i really dont want to make her uncomfortable.And yeah =) its very much worth a shot. Thanks.Foxie-I cant say parents are always right. Ive been through enough to know that. But i never argue, i know better than that. Ive taken up extra chores around the house, anything i can think of.And i can't promise ill do what he tells me. Once i get my license that is. She is something special all right. Even though i know it might not last, but still. Shes not fake like any other girl my age, she doesnt do things because people want want to, she does things that she wants. I know i can confide in her, even if were just friends.And also im scared to death of hurting her. She has it much worse off than me and i only want to make her life better =/ but i dont want her to seem like im abandoning her now.But thanks guys =)
A
male
reader, Foxie  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Hello mate. I think your father has disappointed about his relationship with your mother. And right now he do not really believe in women. So he want you to be safe. If you can, do not argue with your father. Parents were always right. They only care about you, so ask him 1 or 2 more times and if he do not change his idea, then do what he say. And if that girl really likes you she will understand your situation.(only my thoughts by the way).
...............................
A
male
reader, grubbyduckling  +, writes (17 November 2009):
Hi Nick!
The online dating scene is relatively new in the eyes of many parents today. They grew up without the internet, and in it's infancy a lot of horror stories emerged as to how it's properties could be abused: men posing as teenage girls, etc.
To attach an addage to it, people fear things they don't understand.
That being said, I don't think your dad is ignorant - he's a parent. In his eyes, there's a lot that can go wrong out there, and his absolute highest priority (as any good parent) is to keep you safe and healthy.
As a lot of us grow up, we can look back and appreciate many of the decisions that our parents made for us when we were young; at the same time, we eventually see that they're regular people, like us, and make decisions as best they can.
I can't tell you to defy your dad and see your girl, but I can suggest that you do what you can to make him more comfortable with her and the idea of you meeting with her. Maybe after a few more phone conversations, you get your dad on the other phone and have him join the conversation with the two of you for a little while. Another suggestion, and it kinda sounds old-timey, but why not bring your dad, and invite her parent along for a lunch to serve as chaperones?
These are just suggestions, but my guess is that he's not permissive because he's worried about your safety. If you work on making him feel more comfortable with this girl whom he knows nothing about, his opinion might change. I can't say for certain, but it's worth a shot, right? Goodluck! Great to hear that she's so awesome.
...............................
|
