A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please, Please read this.. It would mean a lot to me to get your opinion.In the summer before 10th grade(June 13th,2006), I got my first boyfriend, "Stephen". It was all so new to me because I had never had anyone really give me that kind of attention. It was scary to me. It felt like I had to be perfect because I didnt want to lose that feeling; Actually being cared about by a guy. But "Stephen" was always so sad. He had a tradgedy in his family, but still, he would say how NO ONE in his life cared about him. When I had beeen showing him all the affection that I could.It felt like I was overlooked, and not appreciated. I loved him. I really did. But as school started, he began to get a little clingy. I would try to work on homework and he would think I didn't care, jsut cause I wouldnt sit on the couch with him. (I needed a table to do my work at) It was upsetting how I had to choose between him and my grades.So, I called him one day after school and asked for a break. Not a break to where we can see other people, but like a break where we can spend less time together. I just wanted to catch up mygrades. But he got fuious and said NO! ITS EITHER YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME OR YOU DONT! And thus started the break up. A week later he called me and asked to see me, and he told me he was sorry, and that he didnt know what i had meant.. but that whole week I had been depressed and didnt eat. My heart had been broken that he couldnt understand why i wanted a break. So I told him I couldnt. That was the last time we spoke. Untill the next January. I had started seeing him in school again.. and It made me feel a knot in my chest. I missed him so much. I tried to talk to him, but he would not speak to me at all. So the more i tried, the more i got turned down for an actual conversation. Well I gave up trying to get back with him on the last day of school when I made one final attempt to actyually get one word out of him. But still he wouldnt talk to me. May came along, and I met a new guy. "Dave". We started dating in May 2007. And in june, when it would have been "Stephen"'s and mine 1 year, I messaged him on myspace. And he acknoledged the date would be our one year. But I guess those words had come a little too late. I was enraged! I mean, he waits AFTER i have a boyfriend to speak to me! I couldnt go behind "dave"'s back and be with "Stephen". So we never really had a conversation past June 14th 07. Well August came and school started up again, and once again i saw him and the same knot returned, and he actually would stand next to me for 30 seconds. But then we would say bye. I actually got to kind of sort of half a second hug him. But no real embrace.I trasfered schools after the first month of school, but came back for the last nine weeks of school (still dating "Dave"). I was walking to my AG class and in front of me, was him, and this short brown haired girl, walking in the hallway... holding hands.. and when his and my eyes met.. I wanted to bawl.. and I wanted to scream.. and I wanted to die. I wanted to just die. He was happy before he saw me, then his face went to a blank kind of ohmygod why did it have to be her in front of me kind of stare. I jsut clnched my books tight and walked to class. I knew all hope was lost of ever being with him romantically, or even being his friend ever again. So i let it go, and another summer came and went. And now school has started once more. And I see him in my PE class and I kind of sit near him at lunch. I have a lunch where I dont know a lot of people, it always turns out that I have the lunch my friends dont have. So I sit with my friend "Kaitlin", and she sits with people who "Stephen" sits with, so im on one side of the table and he is on the other end. I also see... her.. the short rown haired girl.. and he does seem so so happy. But in PE when i see him, I say Hi "Stephen"! But i just get half of a little hand jesture wave. And at lunch I get about one glance. Our eyes did meet at PE tho, he was talking to his friends and I looked up and saw him, and he saw me.And it was one of those, Oh crap she sees me, oh crap he sees me kind of things. where its all awkward and such. But as on cue, I get this tight knot thing in my syomach, and all i want to do is just hug him. I dont know why it's been 2+ years and im still not over him. I am still dating "Dave". I get this knot each and everyday, and I want to be numb to it. I want this to go away, but I miss him so much. Please give me someadvice. (and btw my relationship with "dave" has been extremely rocky with him cheating and always fighting, and hitting me once over and over) I feel like I got the sour end of this break up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): I dont know.. im just getting all these mixed emotions lately. Like seeing him so happy, and knowing that I couldnt make him happy when I was with him, even though I tried so hard. And letting go of the person who actually gave a damn about me. And then, my relation ship with Dave doesnt feel like a relationship anymore. Just makes me want to cry. Ya know?and I am using my desktop for these responses, I was on the laptop last night.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Ive never felt this way about anyone, and I only dated "stephen" for 3 months. I asked him on myspace if he wanted me to stop trying to talk to him. and he said, There is nothing I really want to talk to you about. UGH! what am I suppose to say to that? "Okay" ?
It's like he wont let me try to get closure. After the breakup, I tried to forget everything, so it wouldnt hurt, but when I had seen him in January those emotions came rushing back. Its like I keep them deep in my brain, and the only thing that can make them hurt, is him. But thank you both for replying to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): "and btw my relationship with "dave" has been extremely rocky with him cheating and always fighting, and hitting me once over and over"
DROP DAVE IMMEDIATELY, HE IS A BUM.... NEVER, EVER, EVER, LET A MAN HIT YOU.. HE IS A CHEAT, HE IS A PIG, DROP HIM AND RUN AWAY QUICK...
Sorry babes about Stephen, I can see how much you cared about him, and of course he cared about you. But he has a new girlfriend, things have changed. He may still care about you, but he's not a cheat, he has to think of his girlfriend and her feelings. Some people come in our life for a season, a mere moment in time, some people come into our life for a reason, to show us something we need to learn.
Here's a poem for you babes, please don't feel sad or bad, these things happen, just remember the good times you and Stephen shared, noone can ever take that away.
http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 1. Dump Dave ASAP and tell a family member that he beat you and is abusive. You don't need this, you deserve better and if you continue in this relationship you will never get a chance to develop into a positive self-confident young woman- he will cripple your self-esteem. Physical violence should never be tolerated, not even 'once'. If you are afraid for your safety if you break up with him, do it in a public place and have a family member or close friend waiting to meet you right after you do it. If he exhibits any stalking or other threatening behavior following the breakup, notify the local police.
2. Getting over someone after a breakup is a very hard thing to do, especially in cases where the breakup wasn't done in a way that provides any emotional closure. Neither of you ever had a chance to cut the emotional ties, so there are all these loose threads hanging between you which is why it is uncomfortable to see one another. At this point, the best thing to do is to try and move forward and focus on yourself. Develop as an individual, take full advantage of being a single agent (once you get rid of loser Dave). You can focus on school, friendships, personal interests and hobbies. Keep your mind busy and distracted.
You may have gotten the sour end of the breakup but you can always turn that around. Become a happy, confident, vibrant person who is secure in herself and her life. Take control of the situation. The feelings you have for him may not go away any time soon, you may just have to accept their presence in the meantime and try not to obsess too much about him. The best revenge is living well, the best way to make him interested in you is to be someone interesting.
You may also want to speak to your guidance counselor about all of these issues- the abuse you have received from 'Dave' as well as your lingering feelings of 'Stephen' because you may be suffering from a form of depression, and talking helps.
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