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female
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anonymous
writes: Do you think this is strange behaviour?This guy I met couple of nights ago liked me a few years ago. Anyway he asked me to dinner and I didn't want to seem to keen. Anyway at the end of the night, he said that I was going home with him, I refused at first but said ok but only for a little while. He knew all about my past relationship (he has 4months come out of one himself), knew my Birthday date etc... Anyway, as soon as we got in the house, we wanted to do it, we did. He had a few and so had I, he wanted me to stay over as he wanted to see me in the morning and cook me breakfast and he would drive me home, I said I couldn't as I had too much to do etc..and got a taxi. He hasn't been in touch since..... I saw him yesterday too talking to some guy, sure he saw me but why hasn't he been in touch since? By the way, his ex was in the same pub as we were and he did go to talk to her and I said I didn't want to interfere if there was a chance they could get back together. He said no, otherwise why would he be talking to me?! Has he gone all scared on me or does he think I'm a slut? I have to admit that was the first time I have done anything like that and the last!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all that have responded to my scenario... How did he know so much about me? I'd had a previous bad break-up and he knew all about that and he's just come out of a relationship where he was the one dumped. I was 4 months from getting married when it all fell apart last Christmas Day believe it or not and it was a rotten time for me... Apparently my mate said he is not in a good place but when I said I didn't want to interfere, seeing as his ex was in this pub, he said that he wouldn't be talking to me if he wanted to get back with her and why would he be with someone who puts their career before their relationship? By the way, I don't have his number, he has mine? Perhaps he is just as embarrassed as me? I have told a mutual friend that if they come across him to tell him so....What do you think now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2006): Please do not think you are a slut. Don't do that your sense of worthiness, your self-value...don't allow that type of thinking. You had a one night stand with a man who I feel, may have tested the waters to see how far he could go. Just know..not all guys are like this. Ther are wonderful men out there who would've respected you, irregardless. But it sounds like he is the type of guy that judges a woman's character on her behaviours when in fact, his character traits are sorely lacking, too. Women should be able to make whatever choices they want to make without some cad/jerk making unfair punitive judgments on her and then penalizing her because she didn't pass the 'big test'. This is something I warn young women about..don't do one night stands. Why? Believe it or not, that old double standard rears it's ugly head and some men are completely turned off by the sexually assertive female. I state this because 'sex drives the heart for most females..it does not do this, for a lot of men.' Some loutish men think differently because they tend to sexualize everything that crosses their path. They can and very easily separate their emotions from the act of sex. Because of these differences, one night stands do not lead to everlasting love and happiness for women and many a potential relationship is compromised in the early stages because of premature sex and the female suffers the backlash, the devastating effects.
Now about this young man. I would not call him. Leave him alone, he knows how to pick up a phone and call you. Don't give up your heartfelt feelings to a guy you slept with-one night. Just be true to your own dignity, your self-esteem, stay strong. Accept he may not call and if he doesn't..move on to better opportunities. Use rationale and accept the hard fact, he is 'not' pursuing anything further with you and that alone--tells you something about him. Again that ole double standard. The first thing he likely thought is, "if she did this with me, who else has she done this with?" Unfair? You bet it is. So, if I were you, I'd be asking the same question about him? I would be concerned about STD's and other potential little 'gifts' he could've bestowed on you. Just be aware from now on and understand the risk and accept the concession, that possibly-NO meaningful connection will come of one night stands. Most times, people do not engage in casual/one-night stands because they know the risks. Can a serious relationship arise out of a one-night stand? A lot of time, it can. But your chances are better if you don't give it up so readily, in the future. Many people have done this exact thing and hearts have been hurt. Don't be hard on yourself, hun..learn a lesson from this and carry on, being happy and positive.
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A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (25 December 2006):
 I just want to add:
you're feeling a little awkward after this 'one night stand' and that's maybe why you're upset that he hasn't got in touch with you. You haven't mentioned once that you were falling for this guy.
If you don't have feelings for this guy - write this episode off to experience - so don't worry what he thinks of you, it doesn't matter.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 December 2006):
 You should take your time here. By your own admission, you went from not wanting to seem too "keen" about a dinner invitation and ended up sleeping with the guy. think about this, the guy told you that you were "going home with him" That takes some nerve. He sounds like he was horny that night.
Now, I could say he is a player, and I'd probably be correct. You knew what was going on too though. Everymove, look, hint he was throwing out, was being recieved by you. So you both knew what was going on. You were also aware he liked you before, meaning he might still be attracted to you.
This doesn't make either of you bad. If you're both single adults, you're entitled to do as you please. You sound a little unhappy about it though. Let me offer some advice. Many people are more than happy to have sex and never see eachother again. When you give it out the first night, you're open to whatever happens. The mistake here is this, you don't relly know tis guy or his values so it looks like you might have given him too much credit.
Some people will say he's terrible and a womaniser etc. I dont agree. He was just a guy looking for sex and you were willing. Ifhe lied and told you things that were untrue, then he's a jerk. Some people make a game out of this type of thing, another feather in the cap scenario.
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A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (25 December 2006):
It's difficult to say sweety, but I would suggest you don't make any hasty conclusions.
Have you thought of maybe phoning/texting him and thanking him for the night out? Then you could find out why he's been so quiet...
Hope I was of help.
God bless and Merry Christmas!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2006): Sounds like too much, far too soon! You went out for dinner with him one time, and ended up having sex.
Not at all a good idea: what is there now to look forward to if you were to begin dating? Men don't like women who are too "easy" you know.
Good idea to make that the last time you do anything like that again! Maybe he will contact you again sometime, but possibly not. I suppose you COULD try calling him if you really want to see him again, and see how he reacts to a light, casual, hi how are you sort of call.......
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