A
female
age
41-50,
*earjohn83
writes:Hi,Was wondering if anyone has any thoughts/advice. I am currently living by myself and my boyfriend of 4 years has moved away for work. In the last month a guy at work (not same department) and I have been texting and emailing. He has a longterm girlfriend too. After texting and emailing everyday for a month we met up on Thursday night for a drink and last night he came round after I met some friends. We had sex and then he left and this morning I took the morning after pill as I accidentally missed my pill. Last night before he left he was feeling bad and it was awkward but now im just a bit confused. Why is he feeling bad when he initiated and continued to flirt knowing what he was getting into? He appeared so confident and was saying to me that he didnt feel bad. it was me that was feeling bad in the emails and text. We arranged to meet up knowing what was going to happen, knew that it was just sex and now he's feeling bad. does anyone have any thoughts?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Hi, thank you for your follow up. It sounds like you've started analyzing things properly and are on some kind of path to figuring it out.
I know about self-destructive acts because I have been guilty of them in my past. Things seem like a good idea t the time but when you really break them down, they are basically guaranteed to cause more problems than they solve.
Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, dearjohn83 +, writes (17 April 2010):
dearjohn83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,I've had the night to think about it and I spent it with good old school friends that know me and love me. I have come to realise that yes I think in a way I was punishing my boyfriend and to be honest a little bored. I didn't expect anything from him, just a bit of fun and as some of the replies have noted I was wrong and my poor boyfriend deserves more but obviously there are issues about him moving and I'm going to deal with it in a way now that won't hurt anyone.I have found writing about this helpful and made me realise that I have put a lot at stake. I'm not going to contact him and I do feel used but at the same time I used him too. Work wise it won't come out and I guess that is why I choose to pursue it with someone else who is in a long term relationship.Thanks for all your comments.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2010):
It's possible his libido was doing his thinking for him, and now that there's no fascination or mystery of sex with a different woman--that famous 'variety' that men are reputed to desire--his other head has begun thinking. Maybe he's started to think about the potential repercussions and fallout and it's not as much fun.
Cheaters get a lot of flack here and that's basically what you've done. What is it you were looking for with this guy? A one night stand? To start a new relationship with a guy who doesn't live far away? A no-strings sex thing? You don't have to answer me. The key is what this other guy was expecting, and to be honest, he may have changed his mind already.
You also work at the same place, which is another potential disaster. I wonder if you'd be able to deal with this if it all became public? There'd be quite a bit of drama. Is that what you're looking for? Or are you punishing your boyfriend for moving away?
Just wait and see. And please tell me you used condoms. You've just exposed his longterm girlfriend to anything you may have, and vice versa.
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A
female
reader, dearjohn83 +, writes (17 April 2010):
dearjohn83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have texted this morning but just quite generic. Think I should just leave it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): shouldnt you be feeling bad too? you were used,learn from it. end it with your boyfriend,he obviously doesnt know the person he is with.
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A
female
reader, Jo Rocks  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 I sincerely doubt you are the first girl that this guy has flirted with to get into his bed. I don't think he is sorry he cheated on his girlfriend by sleeping with you. Why do I think that? Because of all the flirting and texting and the staged meeting leading up to the main event. All of that was an invitation to misbehave.
I do think that his behavior indicates that he wants to make sure you know that he does not want a relationship with you. I would not feel sorry for him.
The pill does not protect against STD's, so my only advice to you is next time buy a box of condoms and stuff them in a nightstand drawer so you can protect you and your partner if intend to continue down this cheating path.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 April 2010):
I think he's either had his way and now wants nothing more to do with you, or he's actually feeing bad that he's cheated on his girlfriend. No disrespect, but if you willingly cheated on your boyfriend, then please end it. Let him find someone else who won't cheat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010):
Of course he is feeling bad, he cheated on his long term girlfriend. He may have seemed confident in the e-mail but after the act itself he much have realised how much of a betrayal it is to sleep with someone else.
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