A
female
age
30-35,
*mperfectly Perfect
writes:I'm in a relationship with this girl whose a few years younger then me. I like her despite the fact that we are complete opposites and she's nothing but trouble. I just wanted to hang out with her and nothing really serious but I also didn't want to hurt. So I asked her what she wanted and she said a relationship so I agreed even though I knew that she wouldn't be able to offer me what I need in one. Just the other day I logged onto my myspace and she's talking about how all these people keep falling for her and she doesn't want to chose. Then she changes her mood to some random date with hearts so I'm guessing that I'm going to get broken up with. She's told me everything so I knew before dating her that she still had feelings for other people and that this would be an unorthodox relationship in which fidelity isn't really a part of it. She text me today as if nothing has happened. I don't mind letting the relationship drag on until it finally dies out because I can't break up with her because I don't want to hurt her. To make matters worst my ex from about two months ago has been texting me lately. She was the first girl that I ever developed feelings for and we've been friends for over three years. She was in a relationship but when I told her that I was a lesbian she dumps the girl and says that she wants to be with me. I knew how it would probably end but I still said yes because I cared about her and wanted her to be happy and at the time I made her so. She dumped me a few weeks later to go back to the ex but we've tried to remain friends. She's just about as much trouble as my girlfriend and we've made plans to go see a movie soon. I can't tell if maybe she's playing some mind game or I'm just reading too much into it. I'm lost and confused and I'd like some advice on what I should do. Should I confront my girlfriend and try to work things out, see if anything could possibly develop again between my ex, or just move on completely? I'm beginning to lose faith in finding real love because I can't trust anybody enough to offer them my heart in the first place.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Well, I think that you should think about having some dating standards and sticking to them instead of dating people just because you don't want to hurt them. You're allowed to be discriminating; after all, this is your life and you deserve to be happy, and you can't make everyone else happy all the time no matter how much you want to. Sometimes saying no is the right thing.
I think you should take your time and figure out what you really want in a girlfriend. What is your ideal woman like? What are your deal breakers? What values would you like to share with them? Then, once you have thought this out and have the right image in your mind, date people who are close to that image. You and the people you date will end up happier in the long run.
In the meantime, I suggest you leave both of these women alone, and learn to stand up for yourself and what you really want out of life.
Good luck.
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