A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. I only got married 6 months ago and we have been going out for 9 years and have never once cheated on him. I done something really stupid last night and already I am torturing myself with guilt and fear of him finding out. I was happily married until a couple of months ago when a male life-long 'friend' of mine tried it on with me. We were both drunk but I told him no that it wasn't ever going to happen that I loved my husband and that was it. I thought it was a drunken notion that he took that night. I laughed it off and didn't tell my husband about it because I didn't want him fighting with him over something that was said after a few too many drinks. But ever since then every time I speak to him he's trying to get me to go with him. I have found myself falling in love with him. Thinking about him all the time, getting butterflies in my stomach when I see him and my heart racing and my whole body shaking. I still love my husband and my 'friend' couldn't be more different than my husband but I think it is possible to love two completely different people at the same time. Anyway last night I was very drunk and so was he and he started telling me that he really loved me and he knew that I felt the same about him even if I was fighting my feelings. I tried to tell him we should not jepordise our friendship by complicating it with sex. And we argued about it for ages. When all of a sudden you really could feel the sexual tension between us and he kissed me and I kissed him back. One thing led to another and I ended up having sex with him. I felt awful afterwards and still do. I asked him to keep it a secret just between the two of us. He said he would but I'm not so sure. It only takes for him to say it to one person and the the whole sorry truth will come out and my husband will hear about it. He's not married or even got a girlfriend so he has nothing to lose where as I stand to lose absolutely everything. Do you think I can trust him? I thought I could trust him with my life but this is a big deal. It's like we can't undo what has happened and I feel as though he is going to have this hold over me for the rest of my life. One word from him and my entire world will come crashing down. But I can't bring myself to confess to my husband either I don't think our marriage will survive this infidelity so early on in our marriage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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drunk, infidelity, love two Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Yes, you can fight your feelings for someone, or rather, lessen your feelings for them, by not being around them at all. This is something that should have happened immediately, and it's never too late to change that. Why you're drinking with other guys, away from your husband is beyond me. Obviously, you weren't ready for marriage because you weren't ready to give up the single life and be committed to your spouse. The only right thing you can do is tell your husband what happened, and go from there, good or bad. As far as your opinion about loving two people at the same time, no.. when you're married you can't, because you'll either live in fear as you do now, or you'll live in guilt. You'll have to pick one, but guilt is much better because it offers more closure to the situation, in your heart.. that is, unless it happens again. Cheating is a choice thing, and God always offers a way out of temptation, so if you want your marriage to last, you'll have to be alot more serious about it, and admit to yourself when you are acting single. If you feel bad for what you did, then change, because people make mistakes, but they don't often follow it up with making change.
A
female
reader, mummyter  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 No, you can not trust the man you cheated with because he doesnt respect you nor does he respect the sanctity of your marriage or he wouldnt have been asking you to cheat in the first place. I suggest you go either to your local church pastor for couples counseling or that you go to a regular councilor. Either way you must tell your husband and you must face up to what you've done. Honestly, what do you envision otherwise? Years of deceit perhaps even after a child or two comes along? Please think ahead.
That's hardly a solid basis for a marriage.
Be honest, your husband deserves that and an apology from you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): It's too early to be starting in with these kinds of secrets. Maybe your husband would leave if he found out or maybe not. But that's his choice to make. This incident is going to affect the marriage regardless of whether he knows about it or not. He has the right to at least know what's happening.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Find out what your heart really wants if thats ur husband stop tawking to ur friend take it as a lesson learned..dont tell your husband until u really have to..but if he finds out on his own ...own up to what youve done an suffer consequences
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (5 May 2010):
is he worth it? who do u love more?
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A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (5 May 2010):
Based on your desire to remain married, I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you can never hang out with this guy again. You have to tell this guy good bye and work on your marriage. This guy is too late and he needs to respect the fact that you are married. If your husband finds out, you'll have a lot of explaining to do. You'll cross that bridge when/if you get to it. But at least you aren't continuing the relationship. That would be a lot harder to explain.
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