A
female
age
41-50,
*cared to love
writes:Well last year the love of my life of 14 yrs left me and our son saying he"had to get himself together". Well it was a huge adjustment for me as well as our 10 year old son. He was always around, still active in my sons life. We remaine civil. I knew he was seeing someone at work whom he claims had nothing to do with his departure. I started to date as well. Now February of this year while we were snowed in he were intimate for the first time in a year. We were both careless...and now I am 14 wks pregnant! He said if it happened then it was meant to be..now it's reality he's pressuring me to abort our baby. Years ago when I was 19 I got pregnant by him and we both decided that was the right decision. Now @ 33 I can't see myself going down that road again. I still beat myself up for doing that years ago. He's says he wants to come back home and that we need to focus on us and our son and getting back on track. I agree because we didn't want anymore children but this happened. I feel like saying if you come back..you come back..if not then it is what it is. He says I'm being selfish. I can't see it that way. I looked into procedures and since I'm so far it would be like a surgical procedure done at a hospital. Now if he wants me to go through all that...then who's being selfish. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, scared to love +, writes (5 May 2010):
scared to love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your response and support. I'm glad that hearing from other people makes me realize that I'm not wrong. I am just disappointed in my careless behavior, but I believe everything happens for a reason...and this baby is probably meant to come into this world for a purpose. Just with his persistance of me going through this surgical procedure makes me realize now that he doesn't care about me..he only cares about himself. I am just going to stay focused and take care of me and my children with or without him.
Thanks again for your input!
-Scared to Love 3
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I think all women should have the right to an abortion, but when you are well-established and a surgical procedure is needed then it presents health risks to you and your future fertility. From your post I am gathering that you have decided to keep the baby anyway. I think if he wants you to have an abortion and put you through something that traumatic (again) then he doesn't love you. There is no future in the relationship and this baby was conceived accidentally at a moment of weakness for both of you. If you abort, he will leave anyway but if you don't then at least you have a new baby who will love you unconditionally. I appreciate single parenthood is no picnic in the park, but people can be very resourceful. Your partner is being selfish and doesn't wish to pay maintenance on another child. He already left and started a new relationship. He is telling you that you can rekindle your relationship with him as part of an emotionally manipulative strategy to get you to have an abortion. It is time to make decisions for yourself and to exclude this man from your life as he doesn't have your best interests at heart. He may have rights of access to the children but your relationship with him should start to be as limited as possible around this contact time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): i would honestly say that you should keep your baby. if he do not respect your feelings about the situation, then i persoanly do not think that he deserve you, but that is only my opinoin. you stated that you had already went through having to kill your first child and now you leave in guilt. i dont think having another abortion will help the situation the best thing to do is just talk to him and if he do not agree with your decision then like you said " it is what it is" good luck
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 No you are not selfish.And even if you were ? So what ? It's YOUR body and beside and beyond all the emotional issues, it's up to you to decide if you have to put your body under the surgeon's knife or not. Would your husband accept to have surgery just because you tell him to ?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I am usually pro choice only in the first trimester and in your case I would say keep your baby. If he made a mistake before and still did not use protection at the mature age of thirty something, he definitely has no say over what to do with your body. This is more for his convenience of not wanting his new girlfriend to know about all this. If I were you I would want him to stay off my child. I don't want his bad influence on him because he's unstable and irresponsible.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 No, you're not wrong. It goes beyond selfish for him to want you to do something you have been beating yourself up for years for having done previously.
And honestly, I think it would not help your relationship at all if you are having guilt trips and attributing part of that on to him pushing you in to that decision. It is likely that as well as feeling like shit yourself, that you would build up anger and resentment towards him which would not be conducive to working anything out, ..not to mention not good for your son to witness the effects of.
Who says you will be able to sort out all the issues caused between you anyway? You have to consider the possibility that in 6 month, or even 6 years, he will take off again and all you have sacrificed has ultimately been for nothing. The child you are carrying is for life tho.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 May 2010):
 He made the decision to remove himself from your life. He has absolutely no right to make any sort of decisions on this matter. Furthermore, it's your body and it will always be YOUR decision, not his. Do what feels right for you.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 You are right. He is selfish . He should accept your decisions if he really loves you .
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