A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Last week, my bf who I was planning to marry one day (!) said something that really upset me. He made a joke about me and how he 'doesn't like me' and it really upset me. I know it's not true and he laughed about it, but it made me so upset. Now I'm having serious doubts about whether or not I can even STAND to be around him! I used to put him up on pedastal. He was perfect, I thought. I loved him with all my heart and I thought he could do no wrong, and even when he did, I would still love him. Yet this one thing he said, it really shook me up. Now I can't sleep at night - it's got me that upset! It's made me become all paranoid and simply just feel like he doesn't love me, even though besides that one joke he's pretty normal. He feels like we are 'meant for each other' and has total confidence that one day we will get married and have children. Hes shown a lot of serious commitment and so have I. Yet since last week, I've been starting to question myself if that's what I really want. Do I want to live with all these fears and worries that I am having now? I've started having also these thoughts that he might cheat on me or something, as he ISN'T PERFECT! Before I would never think such a thing but now I believe it is quite possible. Help, what to I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): True love is knowing that the person isn't perfect - in fact, is unbelievably far from perfect - knowing all the many, many things that are imperfect about them ... seeing all their character flaws ... and loving them still.
It's easy to love the idea of someone who you've convinced yourself is flawless. It's much harder, but a lot more rewarding to see someone for who they really are, and learn to love that whole person.
i'm sure your boyfriend was teasing. But I do think you need to re-evaluate this putting him up on a pedestal. It sounds like a road to disaster.
A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (12 January 2006):
 Relax! He was just joking around and being a guy. He meant no harm by it. My boyfriend teases me all the time. Just the other week, his mom made a comment that, even though his previous job sucked, at least it's where he met me! He responded with an unenthusiastic "I guess!" and then laughed and poked me in the arm. Sometimes, guys show affection in the oddest of ways. They enjoy teasing us because it gets us all worked up and emotional, and then they can confirm their suspicions that we are crazy about them!
Don't let his comment get to you. Just shrug it off. After all, it was just a joke, and more jokes are sure to follow. What you can do is try talking to him about your insecurities. He might not realize how sensitive you (as well as thousands of other women!) can really be sometimes. If he realized how much this incident upset you, then surely he would apologize and do whatever was necessary to rectify the situation. But you haven't given him that opportunity, have you?
No one is perfect. Don't let that reality fill you with doubts and worries about your relationship with your boyfriend. Otherwise, you'll just become suspicious and untrusting, not only in this relationship, but also in other close personal relationships.
You are making a much bigger deal of this than you should be. It's irrational to think that, just because he made one joke, he's going to do something horrible like cheat on you. I'm sure that he loves you with all of his heart and would never conceive of doing that to you.
Best of wishes.
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