A
female
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anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years but we have been drifting apart, always arguing, and the relationship is boring. No sex hardly etc.Anyway I have been in contact with a guy on the internet and he has blown my mind. We seemed to hit it off straightaway. We know what each other looks like and we want to meet eventually but he lives a fair distance away. We talk for hours about most things and we have spoken on the phone. He has told me that he has fallen in love with me. I don't know what to do, as I would love to have a relationship with him. Can you fall in love on the internet?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006): Seems like youre reaching for love........and maybe this could be it ........but probably not. For a start, is this internet friend/lover aware that you have a boyfriend? If he is, then something like this could always come back and haunt you. By expressing intamacy with this other person it shows an unconcious betrayal against your current boyfriend and believe it or not, this registers in peoples unconcious minds. It may be comforting to hear someone interested in you, but maybe its the fact that there is safety in distance that you also find attractive. By showing affection over the internet,or any other way with this person it obviously shows there is weakness in the way you deal with your emotions. If you are not happy in your current relationship......then express it....work it out...or move on. Dont spend time in a whirlwind of uncertainty as this only make life harder sooner.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): No, you can 'fall in lust', but although they can seem like the same thing for a short period of time they are like night and day. You should either begin to heal your other relationship or end it completely before persuing this other guy. You owe your current boyfriend that. You wouldnt like it if he was doing the same thing.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): One can feel an infatuation and an immediate bond, but real love takes careful cultivation. It involves much more work over time and with many real-life encounters. Trust, honesty, respect, total committment.. all encompass real love. Look at it this way. You are emotionally involved with a guy, online, you have never met face to face. You know nothing about him, his family, his life, his interests, his past, his goals, his dreams...except what he is willing to tell you.
You are feeling the normal feelings that happen when you open your heart to someone and become emotionally close. People do this because they want intimacy. One usually does this with people who are open to relationships. You sound lonely. I think you want a deep and rewarding relationship which you feel you aren't getting from your current 'real life' boyfriend.
Instead of flirting with this online guy, you should be looking to ending your relationship with the current bf, first. And only after then, the next time you are having one of those wonderful conversations, online-tell this other guy that you are fascinated and that you would like to continue it in real-life and make immediate plans to meet. Which brings me back to the "trust" issue. What do you think your behaviours will tell this online friend about you? Someday he could be in the same shoes as your current bf. He may wonder if you are capable of keeping your "heart safely" in a relationship with 'him'..down the road? Think about that. Trust takes time to get established and that doesn't come with involvement in an online relationship. Real love comes from building trust and respect...and the only way you get that-is real life, dear. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (12 January 2006):
 You must break off the relationship with your current boyfriend, before the thing with the online guy escalates into cheating (depending on how you look at it, it already has). You are clearly unhappy with your current boyfriend, but it's only right to break up with him before getting too involved, emotionally or otherwise, with the online guy.
Keep in mind that the online guy "lives a fair distance away," and that long-distance relationships require a tremendous amount of patience and effort. If you are the type of person who gets bored easily, then a long-distance relationship, which consists mostly of online chats and phone calls, and leastly of time spent together in person, may not be for you.
I believe from personal experience that you CAN fall in "love" over the Internet, but it is a different kind of love, and sometimes when you meet your online love in person, you find that they aren't all that you cracked them up to be. Without being able to observe their body language and to interact with them in person, you resort to idealizing, making your own judgments and interpretations of what the other person is saying in chat, e-mails, and phone calls.
In any case, it might be worth a shot. It doesn't sound like your current relationship is going anywhere.
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