| A
male
age
51-59,
*aul C
writes: Hi there, i have just failed in another relationship after 6 months, my problem is i become very jealous, insecure, etc when my partner and i are in a social environment, i try to drink before hand to help me relax, but then once something triggers me off there is no stopping me, name calling, aggressive attitude, i'm sick of me and realise i have a problem but don't no how to not be like this, i want to meet someone and be happy but if i continue this behaviour i will be alone. Can you help????
View related questions:
insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Hey dude....i know how it is..i was in the same boat as you are too. Honestly man...i had tons of relationships...but it all screwed up...and the truth is, it is nothing but inferioty complex. I not boosting up, but I am a good looking guy as to what everyone says..there should be off no reason for me to feel this way..but..when i looked this up..it is something to do with your past, up bringing. Which was so true...that is the root of the problem. SO what i did was...mind control and yes spritual searches..and got myself more active in the gym and began socialising more with my friends rather then my girlfriend all the time. It did help, honestly it did. You consumed alchohol to feel chilled...i needed more..either a good fat joint or some chilled MDMA. Now its all cool man. Just take it slow bro...I know how it feels truely...Hang in there...we all go through stages we learn from.
All the best man!
Hope this helps!
A
male
reader, Paul C +, writes (7 January 2007):
Paul C is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just wanna say thanks to everyones replies, i need to add its not a drink problem i have, i just cant seem to feel relaxed when i'm out in a social enviroment with my partners, i am not a bad looking lad, i always seem to make people laugh and join in a lot of social events at work, its when i'm in a relationship the probs happen, it starts off great, then once we have an argument or something else happens i become insecure, ie if my g/f is out with her friends i think 'oh maybe there getting chatted up' my mind plays trick and i listen to it, when i'm good i'm good, take them for meals, flowers, very romantic, once a problem occurs i don't let it lie. I dont wanna grow old alone. I spoke with a life coach and quite fancied it, but she said its £250 up front, i just can't afford that, can my doctor refer me ???
Thanks again for all your answers, it means a lot to me.
Paul
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): Hi
Have you thought of seeing a professional to speak about anger management, and once you have done this, you will be more aware of what is causing you to do it and more importantly, have ways of stopping yourself from doing it again in the future. Once you start challenging your brain to think and act differently, you will change probably find your old ways of behaving become a thing of the past. I am a firm believer in people being able to change if what they want means enough to them. Hold on to that picture of having a great relationship with a loving partner. When this is more real to you than seeing failed relationships you will do more to ensure you get what you want.
When it comes to drinking, I think people tend to turn either happy, depressed, aggressive or sexual when they are drunk. I'm a 90% happy drunk, I feel lucky for that, but every now and again I do feel depressed when I've been drinking and have learnt to stay away from drinking for a while and try and sort out whatever is in my life that is causing me to get down.
I think just by you having taken the time and effort to write on here and be honest you have already gone a lot further to changing for the future than you think you have. Good luck for the coming future alright :)
...............................
A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Hi there. Well, at least you can say that there is a problem. I agree with the board. Alcohol tends to make you 10 foot tall and bulletproof. I suggest that in your next relationship, refrain from alcohol in public places. It's natural to feel aggressive, we all feel that. Just some people learn how to control their aggression just a tad more. I feel that alcohol is promoting your problem and not helping it as you would think. Take care and good luck to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007):
I am the same way and I dont think its inherently bad thing. When I see red, there is going to be a beat down coming. This hasnt happened for over 15 years and at the time it was the right response.
The thing is there is no way your mind should be letting your body get into a position where that is going on. Dont go to a bar where you know there is a lot of jostling. Move away from a hooligan at a hockey game before there can even be a beer spilling problem.
If this is happening everytime you are in a social situation that is way too much. Avoid those settings. Drink at home, but not out. Figure out what going on with this insecurity- why do you feel a woman would want to be unfaithful to you? There is something there where you feel you are not worth having a good relationship and therefor it makes sense that someone could take your girl away from you. As long as you are in that place mentally, there is always going be some word or body langugage take the wrong way that will set you off.
There is nothing wrong with being agressive- agressive people built this world. But right now its running you, not you channeling it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): I agree with the advice below, however, you may have anger management issues and need to take a class in how to better manage your anger....check your local hospital for classes..or ask your family physician to refer you.
...............................
A
male
reader, MagniModi +, writes (7 January 2007):
 1. Don't drink. It distorts things. I mean, drinking's great, but it tends to do the opposite of what you want it to.
2. Find something that will help you vent like karate or playing drums.
3. Jealousy, Paranoia, etc. These things stem from a fundamental feeling of inferiority. Us men tend to become angry when we feel that we may not be worth the relationship we're in. Get right with yourself, man. Maybe get some spirituality in your life. I don't mean like go to church. I mean find out what's inside you. Take some time. Make sure you're relaxed then try to list the things that piss you off. Then ask, 'why?'. Don't reply with 'because that one dude at that one place was being such a so and so...' reply with 'because I feel threatened' or 'because it hurts me in ways I don't understand'. Keep asking yourself why. Always be honest. It may help you get to the root. Also, it sounds like you have some trust problems. Those you can only improve through an examination of your past. Hope some of this works. Mail if it does. Mail me if it doesn't.
...............................
A
male
reader, DocSilverback +, writes (7 January 2007):
 There is a pattern here. Girl, going out, take a drink, go out, get aggressive. How about, girl, stay home, drink a coke and see what happens.
...............................
A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Maybe you'll be in more control of yourself if you didn't drink beforehand? Alcohol tends to lower your inhibitions so in your case, maybe its the thing that stops you from holding back.
...............................
|
