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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Thank you in advance to all who answer this. I broke up with my partner about a year ago. I went to visit friends last week and spotted an attractive man across a room. I noticed him but decided to leave the party anyway. He followed me outside. We went for coffee. Things got a little hot and heavy but we only went to a certain point and then I put the stoppers on things. The pain of my breakup is still with me and I want to be careful. We spent the night together but there was no sex....but pretty much everything else. He had to go to work the next morning....I knew that I would be heading back home to a city that is far from his but I wish I had gotten contact info from him. I guess I felt that if he was interested he would have asked me for mine. He was sweet when he was with me but guarded. I asked him and he said he was not married. I am happy that I had the time with him and would like to be in contact again. I did get his work number info from the internet and was thinking of contacting him there. We are a fair distance....at least for me. I know that if I do contact him there is the possibility of rejection but at least I would know. Should I contact him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Hi,
I just want to say that if you like the guy a lot then go for it, at least then you'll know, but...
the distance thing is hard, i was in a very similar situation. Met a guy who was visiting one of my friends just for a night (couple of months after my nasty long term relationship end)...we exchanged numbers and started texting/talking and after a while decided to meet. He lived about 2 and half hours away. Although we were both very attracted to each other found it very hard to have a normal 'seeing each other' phase at start of relationship, as on first date (month after we met on night out) i was staying at his house for the weekend, thrown into meeting all friends before i really knew him! Although it was really great when i saw him, it was about 2 months till we could see each other next and felt like i had to get to know him again and we were back where we started.
When you start a relationship with someone who is far away i think it firstly puts pressure on it and secondly you hardly ever see each other and end up 3 months down the line only having been on two/ three "dates", making it hard to get to know someone properly and progress in that relationship. It is a commitment, which you don't know you can commit to when you don't know the person that well.
Don't mean to put a downer on it, but i know that now after i completely fell for the long distance guy, and we have now had to say it is too hard (as next possible time we could see each other is in 3 months!)... seems like it would have been better to have left it as a good memory of a nice guy that you met one evening, which could never be anything more due to logistics, instead of letting yourself completely fall for a guy that you probably don't have a future with, then getting hurt again when it doesn't work out.
I hope it works out for you, i was given similar advice and knew i was going to get hurt at the start of my long distance thing.. guess i didn't care at that point as just seemed so good, and the distance doesn't seem to be a problem at first. You don't mind missing a couple of things at home the first time, but then you realise that you have commitments and relationships at home that you compromise by being away alot. Anyway.. i guess i'm just bitter : ) but sometimes you just have to make mistakes to learn even though everyone else can see it won't work (although i hope it does for you!)
Take care. xx
A
female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Maybe your friend knows him and can give him your number. I don't know if he would get upset by calling him at his place of work...but you should have a good excuse why you are calling. Why don't you plan a visit to go back to your friend's place. Then call him and tell him that you are planning to visit your friend again and would like to see him again. And take it from there. That is what I would do.
I hope it works out for you!
Luck and Hugs
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): If he does not have your contact information, he might be thrilled that you contacted him...it is odd that he did not ask you for yours, but maybe he thinks it is a one night stand...guys feel vulnerablel after sex with a woman even if it was not the whole enchilada....so you won't know I guess unless you make that call...but my advice is to take it slow if you want a relationship, if you are out for sex that is something else.
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A
male
reader, Zim  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Live your live to the full. You don't get another chance. It is obvious that you like this man a lot and you would like to take it into a relationship. Obviously you are a little concerned with the distance and that is completely understandable. You have to be sure that you could cope with the distance. There is a lot of advice on this site for that kind of relationship issue however.
I'm guessing that the memory of your last break up is making you think twice about calling this man. You might be afraid of starting a new relationship? Again, understandable but if this is the case, I would really recommend you do go for it. You have said yourself that you enjoyed spending time with him. And really, this is the only chance that you will get.
If he says that he is interested, then fantastic! But, take things at your pace. It might be a good idea a some point to let him know that you are still a bit tender after your last break up. (I'm not sure if the other aunts would agree with me on this) That is if you still are tender of course.
If he isn't interested, well as you say, at least you know. But you'll also have the advantage of never seeing him again if you don't want to because of the distance. However, of you want to be friends you can do that too. All of it is your choice however.
I hope this helps. Let us know how it went! Good Luck! ZIM
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