A
female
age
36-40,
*inxed
writes:Here's the thing, my dad has been cheating on my mom since i was 5, i can't trust men and everytime that i have tried to love i ended up heart broken. i think guys are always attracted to me sexually but once they get me they lose interest,and that heightens my fear even more, the thing is I've been known to be a fun and smart girl so whats wrong? The guy I'm seeing now was crazy about me and once i became his gf it's like everything vanished, HELP!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jinxed +, writes (18 February 2007):
jinxed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys so much for your answers i really appreciate guys taking time to advise me:)
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (17 February 2007):
there seems to be a few issues here.
firstly, your picking the wrong men, if theyre just using you for sex then dont sleep with them straight away, build a relationship first. sex should be special between two people who trust each other.
secondly, if any of these guys did genuinely like you then your miss trust of men would of put them off. its hard growing up with infildelity or even ever having to be part of it. but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. not all men are your dad and there are some of us who are faithfull.
take your time when you meet a man, get to know him, build up trust with him and learn to be comfortable with him. only then start getting physical. you'll be surprised that some men actually respect you more for making them wait rather than just jumping at it.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (17 February 2007):
When you grow up with infidelity and the hurt it causes in a family at a young age, and develope the acute mistrut for men you have today, it creats an internal problem. The problem is, if you have a deep internal belief that you can't trust, or that people will let you down, or that your experiences of love leave you broken hearted, your life and beliefs will continue to reinforce those things and reinforce your belief. It repeats, repeats, repeats. Until you change the way you think, and look at the world.
Maybe you can decide to rather believe that you deserve real love, that you deserve not to be cheated on. That you deserve a man that you can trust. Start to believe those things, and when you meet a man, believe him AND give him the chance to PROVE his trustworthiness to you. The advice not to have sex is good advice too: rather meet a man for the purpose of learning to trust, rather than the purpose of having sex. If you reach a point where you do trust him, maybe the sex will naturally follow. Worth a shot, isn't it.
As a realist, I have to accept that it might not always work out the way you want, so what happens if you do all these things and it doesn't work out and the guy ends up breaking your trust? That's ok. Trust is a choice, and it defins who you choose to be, not who they choose to be as losers. Lessons you need in this circumstances are forgiveness, for their weaknesses, and how to maintain your own self confidence, by knowing you did the right thing despite it not working out. If you are honest and can be trusting though, I have a feeling it will work out for you!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): If you want to be sure a guy is not just after sex. Do not sleep with him. Simple really. The ones who are not really interested in you, but only in sex will not hang around.
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A
male
reader, The Fonz +, writes (16 February 2007):
 I think your insecurity could be the main problem. You should maybe find ways to increase your self confidence. Maybe take up a martial arts class or enrol for drama lessons.
I think you sound like a wonderful person, but you dont seem to have very much belief in yourself at all. Some guys can find that off putting. Some play on it as they can get a power hold on you.
I think that when you become happier within yourself, others will find you much more attractive and prospective.
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