A
female
age
30-35,
*ollowmyheart
writes:I've been friends with my sons father since I was 4 yrs old. Best friends, we started dating when I was 14 and dated right up until 2 yrs ago (I was 19 at the time). Up until that point everything was perfect relationship wise. We both went through some things with friends, drugs , family issues etc. 2 yrs ago he found out I was talking to a guy online and broke up with me and had sex with another girl the same day. I was hurt but we got back together a few weeks later , breaking up several times in a few months. we got back together and shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my son. things were tense and when I was 7 months pregnant he cheated on me and we broke up. He has always been there for our son, He visits everyday, he loves him. When my son was a few months old we got back together but ended up ending things 6 months ago. My parents and friends LOVED him right up until the first tiem we broke up when I was 19, after that my dad has hated him. which has caused A LOT of stress between all of us. My friends always tell me that once a cheater always a cheater. This last time we broke up , I truely gave up, I figured we would always be friends for my son but that would be it. then 2 weeks ago he came to me and said he was unhappy with everything, unhappy with his actions in the past and wanted to make this right (this is the first time in 2 yrs that he ever said he was sorry for his actions), he asked if I would consider trying to work things out. In the past 6 months he has changed a lot, he is a full time college student, but took on a part time job, he stopped hanging out with some friends that had bad reputations, has taken responsibility for his past actions and has tried to show not only me but my father that he has grown up. I want to forgive him and give him a second chance but my family and friends keep tell me that he is just acting and saying these things to get back with me and then he will be back to his old ways. should I trust him, has any one had experience where the cheater truely did change?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, cheated on me, drugs, got back together, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, christopher 22  +, writes (25 July 2011):
If he truly is trying to change for the better and realises his mistakes and has been honest about then work on it togrther I kissed another girl and broke my ex girlfriends heart and would do anything to have another chance with her when kids are involved it is tricky not speaking for all men some I'm afraid just plays games but if he truly means it use need to work on it together speaking about feelings and doubts won't do any harm it takes 2 to work on it x
A
female
reader, misztoria +, writes (21 July 2011):
 It's almost like I'm reading something from my past! My son's father sounds exactly like your son's father. Things go from bad to good, from wonderful to awful. We were together for four years and I finally got tired of his behavior, his cheating and lying and I left earlier this year. He said he was going to change and he did, but as soon as we started fighting he'd go right back to doing all the stupid things he use to. My family can't really stand him because he's caused so much pain to everyone so I knew it was time to dump him. Not only did I leave him for his behavior, but I left him because I started to resent all the things he ever did. I would bring up something that happened 3 years ago just because I couldn't take it anymore. I don't take his phone calls, I don't see him and I wish I could avoid him all together, but for the sake of our son I can't. If your son's father sounds anyhting like mine RUN! I've been dating on different guys just to see what's out there and I'm glad I did. My new boyfriend is a wonderful man and has his life together. If you want to be happy look at the situation and if you can picture a better one than you know what you have to do. Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (20 July 2011):
 If he was willing to cheat on you while you were pregnant and needed him the most, then things aren't going to change if you forgive him. Don't let him keep using you. Just because he says he did all those things doesn't mean that his mindset on being with one person has changed. He won't be satisfied and you won't be either. If he loved you and was satisfied with the relationship, then he wouldn't have cheated. So in his mind, you're not good enough for him but he's always going to think that you're another person he can string along whenever he likes. Don't give this guy another chance. He's not worth your time and he'll never change. Just get along for the baby's sake, but other than that, you shouldn't get involved with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Let him sweat.
Tell him how it is, exactly like you told us. That it isn't as easy to just take him back and forget the past. Things were rocky, and he cheated. That shows a lack in character on his part. Because of the rocky relationship you had, and the cheating, you do not know if you can trust him.
Say that you can not take another chance with him unless he can give you what you need in a relationship. Amongst these things being trust, and stability, security, loyalty. If he can show you that he is capable of giving you what you need in a relationship, you will consider it.
It's not a yes or no question. If he wants you back, he needs to work for it. He needs to show his dedication to you BEFORE you start a relationship. Test him. See if he can endure the trial period, or if he's all talk and can't walk the walk.
The trial period Im talking about here is where he does what he can imagine to make you trust him. This includes showing his dedication to you by NOT sleeping with other women even if you haven't taken him back. You do not tell him this, he needs to show you this without you telling him.
If he can figure out on his own what he needs to do to win your trust back, give him a chance. If you feel unsure, like you can't trust him, or that this wont end anywhere good, then he's failed the test.
So all in all, tell him "maybe".
...............................
|
