A
female
age
51-59,
*eppers
writes:I have no one to talk too,this is how I found this website.I don't know for sure my husband is cheating, found phone number while doing laundry. I called it, it was a female,she did'nt know what to say,one lie after another.turns out she works for him. I noticed him looking in his pockets later for the number. He was kind of nervous about the whole thing. I questioned him about it its been nothing but denial. He said it was his friends. Nothing but lies I am so frustrated. Ihave been nothing but good to this man I give him my all,I think that is the problem. By the way he has been married before and also was a cheater stupid me,once a cheater always a cheater,and I thought he had changed. I really did. What a fool Reply to this Question
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Honestly, speaking as a guy that occasionally strays, if he has her phone number in his pocket then it just doesn't stack up that he's having an affair with her unless he's a little slow. There could be an entirely innocent explanation but he is flustered because he knows what it might look like. At worst he is guilty of bad judgement in taking her number.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): yep he is a cheater.
so what are you going to do about the cheating hubby. you know that counselling won't work. you know that cheating is "soaked in his blood". you need to check your finances and be working towards becoming financially fit. dot he assets/liabilities check. know what you are entitled to and what you can get from him. put emotions aside. he is having an affair. now take care of your financial needs. you are in your 40's - mature, so , you need to get the best financial settlement.
no you are not a fool - you will noly become a fool if you let him get away financially. start doing your homework girl. and good luck.
you are right - once a cheater, always a cheater.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 September 2009):
 One of the things you can do is simply calm down first. It sounds like right now you are very upset, and because of that you are letting the worst of your fears get to you. I know, its a panic thing setting in.
If this woman works for him, then there could be a legitimate explanation as to why the phone number is in his pocket. Obviously he doesn't know the number by heart so in that case, at least, he is not calling it all the time. And that tells me maybe she gave him the number or he wrote it down (you didn't say who's writing is on it).
If you come out and accuse him of this, then he's naturally going to deny everything. Its the first thing anyone does. But its not denial, its WHAT he's denying.
He might not want you to know what goes on at work, because its not an affair, its just work. And the number maybe was written down so he could call a worker to find out something that has nothing to do with an affair.
I'm not making excuses for him, but you want more facts before you jump to conclusions.
But if you let your suspicions turn into beliefs without any facts at all, then if you're wrong he's going to resent you for it.
Finally, maybe he did change. Some people are drawn to affairs because their marriages are broken. It happens. Maybe his former marriage was so broken that he didn't care and was desperate. And maybe he learned not to do that again.
The fact that he cheated in the past is not a fact in the present. So be sure to gather your facts first before concluding he's cheating on you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Sorry Babe. I don't know what to tell you except as cheaters go, he's pretty bad at it. Talk about a paper trail! If you do decide to split I hope you take him for every cent you can. And tell the SOB to do is own laundry from now on.
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