A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I a bad mother? Out of my sons 3 years of life iv been gone for 2 years. Im in and out. Im either deployed or in training. The only person he knows is his father who has him. But my relationship is going down the drain too. Iv been gone most of my marriage, and I cheat on him. Im not really happy with him but when I get home next year I plan on taking my child away and leaving him. is that right since my child is so close to his father? My son is the only person that I have. Im adopted and have no blood line but him. My adopted family doesnt talk to me and never call me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I'm not sure what you mean by "the military does this to people." If you mean, it makes them cheat, then pish posh. People do that to people. That's all. If anything, it's usually the ones waiting at home who do that to people, not the soldiers themselves.
If your husband is waiting at home faithfuly, you should count your blessings. You're a bad wife. Being away from your son, however, does not make you a bad mother. It's makes you an unavailable mother.
But what would make you a bad mother is taking your son away from his faithful, loving, dependable father. It would also make you an even worse wife. Your husband waits for you, you cheat on him, devorce him, and take his son? Where's the logic, or the fairness. The legal sysetm is not likely to give you custody since you have been away for so long. Most military men have wives at home who cheat their little asses off and take all his money etc. but they still get custody because daddy's out of the country all the time. It's not really fair.
And family is family. Blood or not. If you want to talk to your adoptive family, then you can call them too, instead of always relying on them to do the initiating. Goes both ways. Famaily doesn't make us feel the way they do because they have the same blood.
..... *sigh*....
~Sy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): you have been a cheating wife but worse still - you have been a worse mother to your boy.
if you want to end your marriage do so. your husband deserves a faithful woman in any event but do not take your boy from him. your hb has been a better father, he plays both the mother and father roles so don't disrupt your child life. your son deserves his dad who loves him and who is there for him. your hb is the stability your son needs.
you have no family yet you have destroyed this very family. seems like you don't know what a real family is. and you have only yourself to blame.
reality check- your husband and your son ARE YOUR FAMILY. but you just threw them away.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Unfortunately the military does this to people. First you ought to look at getting counseling for yourself. The military usually does that for you.
The second thing is, I am guessing you don't care much for the father anymore. Is there a way to reconcile before going ahead and separating and taking your child back?
Finally, most courts give one parent visitation rights anyway. Its very possible that you might only gain visitation rather than custody.
I would suggest thinking out all of your options first before making any rash decisions.
I understand the situation about not having any family. My parents are deceased, my brother is estranged from me and so not having any blood relations is very hard, especially when you are upset with your life.
I know this isn't an easy answer because there are so many choices to be made. But if you take your time, hopefully you will make the right decision that's best for your child first, and also workable on your part.
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