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On V-day I got my boyfriend having sex with my sister

Tagged as: Cheating, Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2009) 20 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2009)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend told me not to come over to his place on Valentine's day because he said he wasn't feeling well and didn't want me to get sick. But I forget my phone there and I needed it so I went there anyway. I went get there (he give me a house key since we together been to for two years). To very long story short I found my boyfriend and my sister having sex. They saw me. My boyfriend was begged/crying me not to leave him but I broke up with him anyway. My sister wants us to make up but I told her f*ck off. For some reason she thinks she can treat me like sh!t and I'll coming back to her. Any ideas?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009):

Yep babes, this is what I was afraid of, this anger you have is deep, painful and raw. She's making everything worse, she won't give you the space to think.

I'M GLAD THAT YOUR PARENTS KNOW... REALLY GLAD.... GOOD

We are all angry alongside you, this is pain that no human being deserves. If she won't stop pushing, I'm afraid of what you might do.

Can your parents help in anyway, she's their child, their responsibility not yours. She's broken a deep bond and trust that should never be crossed. They need to keep her away from you, move her out of the house if they have to. They must be made to understand how dangerous the situation is. At this moment, I think you must speak to them and find some way to get her out of her life. I'd send her to hell if I could..

In the meantime, can you go to the doctor and see if you can see a counsellor. Your not mad, but your dangerously angry, and talking to someone, besides us well help you find a way to deal with all these angry emotions.

Artistry is right, this stupid girl has no boundaries, she must realise that her wishes, her demands and desires are no longer important. You are the most important person here, you are the only one that matters. Next time she wants to talk to someone, tell her to fucking find a priest and confess her sins.

Your parents must take control of the situation, or someone will end up in hospital and someone will end up in jail. Hang in there babes, hang in there, your doing your best. Book an appointment to talk to a counsellor who is trained to help with this anger and help you keep it under control. And like Aristry says, get your parents to stick your sister in therapy as well, she has serious issues, if she doesn't realise that. Keep in contact with us here at DC, we are open 24hours a day, whenever you need to let of some steam.

Your doing your best, this would try the patience of a saint. Make sure your never with her alone, I am very worried about you. Keep somebody nearby at all times.

Tell her to write you a letter, you can read her story better if you don't have to see her face. Hopefully this will be enough for her, or tell her to tell your parents, there is no reason for her to talk to you. She can tell your parents her story, and then when it's time, they can tell it to you. Stay as calm as you can, she would love for you to loose your temper, so she can feel better about herself. Don't let her push you into violence so she can look like the innocent one.

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (28 February 2009):

Artistry agony auntHi, This is where you separate the adults from the immature.

You cannot, repeat cannot allow your emotions to take you to a place you regret going. What good does it do to punch your sister out, none. Calm the freak down, and try to be sane. First of all, what have we been telling you, SHE DID YOU A FAVOR, your boyfriend was not worth your time, if he is going to sleep with your sister. So just stop it, you are getting upset because you are disappointed, we cannot control people. So see it for what it is, they did it, it's in the past, so now what? First of all to stop her from chasing you around to talk to you, go somewhere, sit down with her, and let her say what she is going to say. Tell her to say it all, because you don't have time to keep going over and over the fact that she did what she did. Let her spill her guts, listen to her, and then move on to another arena. You should forgive her, tell her you forgive her, though it will take time to get over this, and then keep her out of your life, she cannot be trusted, and as I said before this is not her first time doing this with one of your boyfriends if I had to guess. Let her tell you, then you stay away from her, far away. This is the only way I see that you can stop her from chasing you around. After she finishes her story, please don't ask her why she did it. Just let her talk, listen and move on to the next chapter. Being angry with her, only raises your blood pressure. You have to act sensibly. This too shall pass. Think about it, being angry solves nothing. Truly you had nothing in your boyfriend, you just didn't know it, now you do, use the information wisely. One thing you could do, is after your sister finishes with her story, tell her to find a good therapist and then you go see a good movie. Take care, stay in touch. Most of all contain your temper, neither one of them is worth your acting out, and making a fool of yourself. Please maintain your dignity.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My fucking bitch of a "sister" is driving me insane. She WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. She came to my house begging/crying to let me tell her side of the story. I almost punch that bitch out if it wasnt for my best friend/roomie. She nearly had to call the cops on her because she wouldnt leave at first. How can I get her to leave me alone?

Oh my parents know what my sister did to me. My dad gave her gave hell.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009):

Don'tgo back to him , he has been horrible, and your sister your own flesh and blood has totally betrayed you, ignore her for at least two months and make sure everyone knows what she did to you!

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (26 February 2009):

Artistry agony auntHi there, I agree with most advice you have been given. But you should forive your sister for your mental health, not for hers. Stay away from her, any boyfriend you get will be fodder for her, unless she gets therapy, and as I think I said she sees nothing wrong with what she did. As for telling on them, that's up to you. I would want to put the whole thing behind me. Move on, get involved in some groups who maybe help others, somethimg to take your mind off of the situation. As far as the guy, he's worthless, even if you loved him, he's a waste of time, if he has no boundaries. Your sister is totally out of control and wants to hurt you. No way could I have her in my circle. Bad seed, sister or not. Take care, but please move on, hating them only aggravates you.

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A male reader, LampHead United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2009):

LampHead agony auntIt's good you don't have to speak to him, and he isn't trying to get in contact, takes that worry off your back. Just tell your sister that you really do not want to speak to her ever again, and try and block her out off your life completely. She should understand what she did was wrong, and she is a bitch for doing it. Just ignore her, and tell her to piss off and leave you alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

Yep babes, that's it, your angry and you have every reason to be. As we said, just keep telling her to leave you alone. Your two upset to have to deal with her stupid excuses. Threaten to tell your parents if she won't leave you alone.

But one day, when you calm down, you will really want to hear what she has to say. But not right now, leave her to suffer in the mess she has made.

PS: Only one other thing... could it have been rape? If it wasn't then let her sit and wait. Again we're sorry that you have to go through this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My sister is begging me to talk to her. I tell her fuck off like three times a day but its not working. As for my ex-boyfriend I havent heard from him since. I wish my would fucking died because I fucking hate her and I dont take that back!!

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A female reader, Confined United States +, writes (25 February 2009):

First thing first you sister shouldn't do stuff like that neither should a boyfriend of 2years second you should have thrown as much stuff of his out the window wen you saw them third sort babe but you sisters shit get that back stabber out of you life befor she does it agin. Forthly that guy dot alot of nerve with your sister on vday it's sad to 2 years good thing you don't have kids together

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A male reader, LampHead United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2009):

LampHead agony auntJeees. What can you do about that? I would personally say never talk to either of them again, but your sister is family so that's harder. Also, the fact you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years means you would share a lot of friends and stuff, which would make it harder. Try and avoid your boyfriend for the rest of your life, but maybe try and work on your relationship with your sister as that's more important. There is nothing worse than siblings hating each other. I'm friends with one of my cousins, but my mum and his Mum (my aunty) don't get on to well, and as a result of that, my aunty resents me for no reason. It do sent just affect your relationship with your sister, but also your children and her children's relationships in the future.

Hope this helped

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

Like someone else said, maybe years down the road if your sister becomes a better person, you can maybe forgive her. In a way she did you a favour, if he slept with your sister it's very likely he would cheated on you with someone else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

you could pretend to forgive and forget and make out your back wiv him and when he want's sex wiv you deep heat his bits, record it and post it out to all so they can see him squirm little the maggot he is! revenge is best served cold, lol. don't worry it gets easier but don't ever trust your sister again! mine done it a year ago to me and i've since found out she's tried it with all my blokes. good luck girl and stay strong. x

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A female reader, miracle217 Canada +, writes (22 February 2009):

You need to move on honey. If he will cheat on u with your own sister, he will definately stick his thing in anything. There are so many men out there that will treat you better.

Sometimes things are best said when they are left unsaid. You don't need to tell her anymore than you did. Your sister, she made the biggest mistake of her life. And she will think about this when it's quiet at night and she tries to sleep, when other people talk about betrayal, when she senses that the men she is with are doing similar things to her.

I am sorry this happened to you. Please take one big step back and remove these people from you everyday life. Of course, when your sister needs you, you will be there - because u are a good person and she will learn from you.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

Okay precious. Stay strong and lets have fun.You will forgive your sister but make it sporting and forgive her when you are ready. Not just yet You ,in the meantime you have to make a stand.Hope you are following? You, i think had a clue, as you left the phone there and went back,so xxxxxxx what?They are way out of order.I bet this wasnt the first time so you have to be very strong. If you take him back you have to be sure,if you go to him it means nothing,he has to come to you.If you ask a man if he loves you it means nothing.He has to tell you without being invited to tell.I would tell them both to xxxx off but i understand that you love him,but imagine would you really like to be that close to your sister???? NO.Be strong and have faith in yourself.

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (21 February 2009):

Artistry agony auntHi there, This happens in families where there is jealousy. I agree with everything else that has been said. One more thing that I would add, your sister has no boundaries, and may never, ever have any, where you and your boyfriends are concerned. I am sure you realize she has done this before with your boyfriend(s) in the past. I would forgive her yes, but only for yourself, she will do this again, she sees nothing wrong with it, it is her way of getting one up on you. What you do in the future to protect yourself, in my opinion is to move far away from her, don't even let her know where you live, she is a predator, out to destroy your happiness, by sleeping with whoever you care for, believe it. I would not speak to her unless I would have to, at family dinners or whatever, but stay away from her, she is the worst kind of person, sister or not. What she did was evil, not just bad form. Take care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

Im sorry to hear this about your sister.like they say,you can pick your friends,but you cant pick your family! Leave him alone.theres more men out there,you dont need someone that will do this with your sister,and id say it wasnt the first time.id say forgive your sister,but never ever forget she did this to you.never trust her again.but shes still your sister

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

So sorry babes, that the people you loved betrayed you. My advice is the same.. Dump the boyfriend, he can never be trusted. Stay away from your sister untill you calm down and can think clearly again. You and your sister are family, what she did was almost unforgivable, almost, but she is your sister, so you will have to find a way to forgive. Of course she will be feeling terrible like the worse person in the world. If you can, just tell her to leave you alone for a little while, because you are too hurt and angry to talk to her right now. So sorry this has happened to you. Take care and good luck, the next guy will be nicer.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

tell your parents, it will embarrass and get her in deep trouble.

Sorry shes a bitch, lol

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A female reader, Kimberle United States +, writes (21 February 2009):

Wow .. first i am sorry to hear. Second drop his a@@ and never look back!! Its one thing to have a one night mishap, but Im pretty positive by the way he planned on being sick for valentines day..things between your sister & him have been going on for quite sometime..and its your sister!! That is a line you should never cross..ever!! Dont take him back!! No matter what he says he has no respect for himself..and will never have any for you!! There are plenty of good men out there. As far as your sister..God gives us our families whether we like them or not!! You dont have to forgive her right away .. But the quicker you do the easy things will be for you. Holding a grudge like that will hurt you more than what she did!! But that doesnt mean you have to ever trust her!! You should let her know what she did was terrible and right now she needs to stay away..but if dont never forgive her..IT WILL eat you alive on the inside.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

Oh, my god... I am so sorry :( You have a terrible sister and a horrible boyfriend.

Honestly, forget them both and move on with your life. It will surely be better without either one.

Perhaps eventually if your sister every matures, you can form a relationship with her, but as it is now, I would stay away. Far away. Seriously, as far away as possible. She is bad news.

But honestly, you never have to form a relationship with her ever again if you don't want to. Her betrayal is appalling. I would never want to speak to my sister if she did the same to me.

I am so sorry :( :( I don't know what else to say :(

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