A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was in a relationship with this guy. at first things were okay.. then we started having fights because of various reasons. i had also been talking to my ex - just talking btw... could that have also messed the situation up? ( because he kinda became furious when he came to know)anyways we were having an on and off thing then so.. when i saw him talking to another girl.. I didn't react so strongly. but later he started saying-" she and i was talking and we said some things like -"baby" but it wasn't serious "... I tell him not to talk to her.. but all he says is I can't stop her....anyways a few months later I see some messages in his inbox and its like a little flirtatious.. I felt really bad cos I had moved to be closer with him.. he said it wasn't anything and he was just joking.. anyways... I didn't break up with him.. cos i was too weak to break up.. and I thought it could work out.. he blocked the girl and stopped contact with her..a few months go by.. things are fine .. but then we again started to have fights... and then i see he had actually written some comments on her wall.. so I break up with him...few months go he calls me up...he wants to get back.. i learn from the girl itself that he had been in a relationship with her... so i break contact...he again tries to contact me after a few months... I think maybe he is serious and ask him for a reason - why he acted that way...but he says nothing.. so i tell him to forget it..again he calls me up many times... i tell him not to call me up.. finally a few days back this january.. he called me up and said he was sorryi go to check his fb and i still see the girl's comments on his page.. i go check her fb.. and i see they were in a relationship and had just broken up...so i tell him i'm with someone else and to stop calling me up..basically he breaks up with me.. goes to her.. breaks up with her.. tries to come back with me... again tries to be back with me.. goes back to her.. breaks up with her.. tries to come back with meanyone can tell me what is wrong with him? and what the hell he is doing? i just don't know how to process this
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): the OP here again ... I'm feeling a little better now... yesterday wasn't a good day for me..
I think I'm seeing everything clearly now.. the flaws ... and my compromises...
I feel much better... thank you for the help.
Will get better...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): thank you Karlos... i didn't think I was getting a reply..I actually am applying to a university... have applied..I've lost a close confidante becos of this relationship... who thinks i'm stupid for thinking about this guy and has stopped talking to me....I have some friends but I am not very close with them.. and they would judge me for having this relationship.. so I can't even share any of this with them...I don't know what's happening to me... I'm losing focus... and I think I'm going a little insaneI'm the kind of person who never has fun... who has unimaginable boundaries.. never takes a bad step...and with him I just wanted to let go... live a little... because I thought he understood me.. but now when I look at things ... I don't see love... I don't know what to see...I feel like he misused me... and that terrifies me... cos I allowed it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): We all do things that we think are in our best interests at the time, but later turn out not to be such a good idea. The main thing is I think you're opening your eyes now to the situation and are realising its just a never ending cycle which you are not/never going to be happy in.
About the dreams, well, the way I interpret dreams is that they are triggered by things we consciously/subconsciously think about daily, that play on our minds during sleep. I think its possible that you knew roughly the amount of time he would break contact, and thee likely time he would contact you again, and that he was on your mind more at the time you're expecting him to contact you again, so you dream about him, then what seemingly is a coincidence, he contacts you the next, or within the next few days.
You said you had no friend then, I don't know if this is still the case now, but if it is, I would suggest you enrol in a college course or find a hobby, change your lifestyle and routine, give yourself possibilities to leave the past behind and make new friends and focus on a new life :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): this is the OP.. thank you for your reply Karlos5021, thank you all,I understand that I was the enabler but I was put into a tremendous amount of pressure (he would show up at the place I was studying, my home, my hostel.. emotional blackmail... etc) and I think it was too early for me to lose someone close to me when I did not have anyone..I think I still felt he loved me.. but I have realized he did not...I was also scared he would do something like mess up my future relationships.. which stopped me from acting bluntlyI would like to add something which I have not told anyone before.. cos I don't know what to make of it...every time we would stop talking... he would not call me for a while (2 weeks sometimes a month)... I would be fine... suddenly I would see a dream of him.. us doing something.. like us going to a park or something but making plans... and I would miss him .. and all these feelings I have put aside would come back ... and immediately the next day he would call me... and it happened always... and I'm not exaggerating when I say always...I don't know what it is.. I've heard some people having this telepathic communication thing.. but I'm not sure that was it... that always happens and breaks my resolve.. and i'm not making this up.. and maybe it is not a good excuse.. but I would be kinda weak and kinda feeling a loss after seeing his dreams... and when I saw him calling I would be so glad he called.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Basically he wants you to exist ONLY to bail him out of the shit he gets himself into all his life. He could never accept you being with another guy, not because deep down he loves you and you are destined to be together, but because he will have no shock absorber to cushion his falls (You).
The best thing you can do (IF you REALLY want closure to this) is to stop taking his calls and reading/responding to his messages. Don't let him get back inside your head because he will dictate your life forever, and you will never break this cycle.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): i am the OP of this question.. sorry i don't have an account...
I had actually deleted him from my facebook.. I had even deactivated my account.. because of which I had no idea what was happening in his life.. hence me talking to him... hence me checking his fb to see wat was happening in his life
I feel like a fool..i always thought he was feeling guilty and coming back to me... and he did watever he did cos he was pissed off with me.. stupid rationalizations.. I AM SOOOOOOO HURTTTTTTTTTT.......
having a problem dealing with this guy.... I have always dealt with break-ups with the swift cut them out of my life method...
the thing is I am in a time of my life where I have zero friends... and he was my only friend.. and it was the same for him... he had a few friends.. but I think he was close only with me... and he is the only guy i've done some physical stuffs with..
I don't know if it was the same for him.. he told me he hadn't done anything physical as well... but he is well... a liar...
so well i have some feelings for him because of that...
I think I just couldn't see past the whole he's my only friend thing.... it felt like it...
I told him I am seeing someone else and to stop calling me..
and he said... no you are not... i will always call you...
what does this mean? he sees me like somebody he can push over? has this whole ordeal of me taking him back made him think he can just stomp over me??
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): This situation went back and forth a few time because you allowed it, so he's obviously thinking it can be like this forever between you two. The way you can STOP this situation is to ignore his calls and messages, and do NOT take him back into your life. He should soon get the message.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 He is a boomerang and can't stand to be alone. Believe it or not you are one of them to enable this, by taking him back. You have to be the one to completely ban him from calling. The easiest thing is to not pick up the phone. If the other girl does this before you then your ex will find another girl to play with. His back up plan allows him to feel safe from rejection. There were trust issues earlier in the relationship and instead of facing them, he looked for outside of the relationship. He runs away from problems thinking they will be solved by themselves. Every time he comes back to either one of you girls, the problems are still there because the fundamental problem is that there is no trust in an on and off relationship.
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female
reader, chinana  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Dear OP, he keeps calling you because you are entertaining his calls. Stop all contact with him, that means blocking him on all social networks and delete/block his number if you genuinely, i repeat genuinely want to move on, just cut the cord. Dont even bother giving this guy an explanation cause he is yo-yoing between you and the other girl and you act like you cant remove yourself from the situation. OP please do yourself a favour and let go of that confused man, his childish games are not good for your self esteem and psychological well being. Goodluck.
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